Verushka
Her name is Verushka; she’s quite the girl
The first day I met set my heart in a whirl
With a smile that instantly lights up any place
Gorgeous eyes, pouty lips, her delicate face
Long silky black hair down to her waist
Lips, luscious and full, you yearn to taste
A cute little body, perfect in every way
To be with her you can only pray
She is so much more than eye candy though
There are so many things you really must know
Her beauty is matched by so much more
She’s the kind of girl that makes your heart soar
A sparkling personality, wit and charm
The kind of girl you want on your arm
She’s wise beyond her years and so mature
She stirs a hunger in you you cannot endure
Her beauty is equaled only by her intelligence
Beyond simply smart she has that good sense
She can handle herself with grace and poise
Whether dressed up or just “one of the boys”
She instantly connects with new people so well
You know in a second and can easily tell
She’s one of those rare people, when they ask “how’s your day?”
Really means it and actually cares what you say
To her I want to be someone special, much more than a friend
But if I don’t accept the way it is for her, our friendship might end
She’s so sweet as to be sorry there’s not more she can offer to me
I’m left to only dream of what a great love she could be
I lay down at night, dreams of her in my arms
Nights filled with passion, enjoying her charms
At first light of day she’s the first thing on my mind
I know a better woman I never will find
We laugh; we talk, we share our lives in every way
I never want to live without her, not one single day
Someday she will meet a man, about him she’ll learn
He’s a man whose worthy of her she can love in return
Jealous of him will I be?
Them together will be hard to see
He will have every minute with her
Time that I would much prefer
No one like her will I meet again, I fear
I’m left only empty, to shed a tear
But it’s not to be, she’s made that clear
I will still love her and hold her so dear
Oh, what might have been, if not for her age
But it’s time to give up, and turn the page
Accept how things are and not make it worse
That we will never have more is truly a curse
God has brought this wonderful Angel into my life
Every second of every day I long to make her my wife
To her that’s no secret, she knows how I feel
If nothing else she knows that’s it’s real
Where my life takes me from here I don’t know
But I hope that these few lines will truly show
How much she means to me and how much I care
And how special it is that our lives we do share
You might think me crazy for feeling this way
But you can’t choose who you love, you have no say
It all happens naturally with someone who’s so right
Your brain knows it’s wrong, but your heart you can’t fight
To connect with someone in all those special ways
A person who brings you so many incredible days
Is just someone for whom you will always care
Even though to do more you don’t dare
You are left with your dreams of how it might be
You know in your heart how it is and can see
That only your dreams will you ever have now
You still yearn for much more but can’t see how
That doesn’t make it wrong to show that you care
And you can still find a way for your lives to share
Your dreams may never come true
But never be afraid to say “I love you”.
Just another bad day in Boquete
Ever have one of those days you wished you had just not gotten out of bed?
My “not so great” day started mid day yesterday when the power went out. In Boquete, where we are used to intermittent power outages, it is no big deal. Usually it is back on in a few minutes, so I kept working away on my computer’s battery power, which, with my Dell, is usually several hours.
Well, I lost track of time, or my trusty Dell picked today to let me down, regardless, I was at the point where I would normally upload all of my several hours work to my server in Arizona, right when my computer decided to “hibernate” and shut down, as it was out of juice. A moment of panic as I thought I had just lost all of my hard work.
Accepting that, well, this is Boquete, so you are never quite sure when the power will come back on, I decided to jump in the shower while I still had some daylight left. With no power and no computer I figured I might as well head to Amigos for my Friday night pool, albeit a little earlier than normal. I wondered if the power was off all over town, like it was with the water outage last week, and maybe Amigos might be in the dark as well. Then I remembered that they keep some of the beer in a large cooler with ice, and they cook with gas, like everybody, so at least I could eat and have a cold beer.
When I got to Amigos I started asking everyone and anyone if they had lost their power. Not a soul! This should have been my first clue, but with the “interesting” way the power grid is setup here, there are often very specific local outages. All I could do was pray that it would be back on when I got home. I began to think about all the food in my fridge, and, of course, my very expensive insulin, which must stay chilled or it’s useless.
To my considerable dismay, when I got home just after midnight I was greeted with total darkness. Naturally none of my neighbors were without power. That’s when I dawned on me about the “discussion” I had with my landlord about the hydro bill. When I first made arrangements to rent the place, when I was still back in Canada, we had clearly agreed on $300 total, excluding cable and phone. I was also told that the place was “fully furnished”, and my contact person was going to make a “list” of all the household stuff that was there, like dishes and pots and pans. I never got any list.
When I arrived at the house, not only did I not have a single spoon, but I also had no hot water or a fridge, both of which came as a real shock. I explained that there was just no way that I could live without hot water and a fridge was critical, especially because of my insulin.
This was my first sign of trouble, because I quickly learned that the last tenant had installed her instant hot water heater, which she had promptly removed and sold when she left. So the very first things I had to do was spend $300 on a hot water heater and $380 on a fridge, plus several hundred dollars more on all the household necessities, like dishes and pots and pans and cleaning stuff – all money I did not have and did not plan to spend.
There’s been a host of problems with the place, from bugs to broken pipes, which flooded the place. Now to have them shut the power off on me was just too much.
About three months after I moved in to the much less than billed casa they present me with the hydro bill to pay. First, my neighbor had already told me the previous tenant was paying $225, and about the water heater fiasco. He had also shared with me that after she had only been there a short while the power got shut off on her. She soon discovered that, not only was she to pay hydro on top of her rent, but she was expected to pay for the last few months that had not been paid either. This was most of the reason she finally moved out again. So, not only was I not going to pay for something I had not agreed to, but I also knew the same thing would happen to me and they would expect me to pay for the time since the previo9us tenant left. Not a chance!
I somehow managed to fumble around in the darkness and get myself to bed. It was not one of my better nights of sleep, with all the stress and the thought of losing everything in my fridge, including my insulin.
In the morning at the ungodly hour of 6:00 when I woke up, of course I had no coffee, which I have become all to accustom to with the great tasting Panamanian coffee. I figured I would wait to call Karinthya at 8:00 or so, but when I went to call my phone was dead, naturally.
Oaky, be calm. Take your phone charger to dance class and charge up the phone and call Karinthya.
After the lesson my phone is now charged and I go to call Karinthya, and get a message that my phone is out of minutes. Off I go to the Mandarin to buy more minutes. When I get home I scratch the card to get the PIN and somehow manage to obliterate the numbers in the process. It takes me several tries with different guesses on the PIN to get it finally working. When I did call her, all I got a message in Spanish that I could not understand. I tried calling all the numbers I had for my landlord and got nowhere. Finally I called Karinthya’s father, Roberto, who has helped me out before. He informs that Karinthya’s cell phone had been stolen and that was what the message was about. He said he would do his best to contact them to get the power back on. That was the last I heard from anyone.
Just when I was at my wit’s end, Lizanne called to say that Jim Thompson, the guy from Kelowna that had bought the Volcancito house was in town and wanted to meet with me. Off I went to Volcancito and spent a few hours with Jim talking about his plans for the house and how we might work together. Over the course of many hours over the next two days we hammered out a deal for me to move in. He hasn’t yet closed on the deal, so he was trying to get a hold of the current owner just to check that it was okay with him for me to move in now. Jim was leaving Boquete Sunday night so all we could do was wait for an answer.
He called me early Monday morning to tell me he had spoken to the previous owner and he was fine with everything, so I spent the next few hours packing everything up getting ready to move. I managed to move everything in one taxi truck and I am now ensconced in the “penthouse” suite. The plan is for me to renovate the two suites downstairs, then move into one of them and rent the other out. Jim is giving me subsidized rent, plus a commission on the rentals, plus he’s interested in some of the other things I have on the go. After spending about nine hours with me on Sunday he has handed me a land development to market and sell. Might turn out to be very interesting.
My First Day in Boquete
Friday, December 28, 2007
My first full day in Boquete. Bit of a crazy one. Sonia had helped me shop yesterday. I bought a coffee maker ($7), cream, sweetener, and coffee. Went to brew coffee this morning and what I didn't buy was filters. So much for my morning Java fix. I was starving so I headed off to the Panama House – the one that was closed yesterday.
As I came out my gate Harland was standing in front of his place, on his cell phone. I said a quick Buenos Dias and kept walking. He called me back and asked where I was heading. When I said coffee he asked if I minded if he and his son and his son’s girlfriend joined me. Obviously no.
We were there in two minutes and he knew the owner well. We sat outside to smoke, but his son and girlfriend sat at a different table. My first thought was how gorgeously warm it was and I harkened back to standing in Westbank waiting for the bus. Quite the contrast now. Harland and I started yacking. He has been here four years and he is a fountain of information about relocating to Panama. It was excellent for me because he covered all the ins and outs of what is really the truth here – who you know and who you pay what to to get things done. He will no doubt prove to be a valuable resource for me.
I was really struggling with the no hot water issue, and I got my first, expensive lesson in dealing with the Panamanians. I was talking to Karinthya online and told her I could simply not live without hot water, so I would be moving and hoped her Mum would treat me fairly on the rent and my deposit. She called her Mum and a few minutes later told me her Mum had agreed to “fix” the hot water. Knowing things are all too easily “lost in translation” I said I wanted to be perfectly clear on what exactly “fix” meant. She asked what I thought it meant, and I replied that replacing the water heater that they removed was my idea of “fixing” it. She agreed, and told me Sonia would meet me at the house.
When Sonia got there she proceeded to turn on the infamous "suicide" heater in the shower to show me that it worked, as though somehow this is what I wanted. When I said, no, I wanted hot water to the whole house they started making calls to find out the cost. Garcia was totaling up some numbers on a piece of paper and wrote what looked like $760.00, which came as a shock to me. When I reacted Sonia showed him his “1” looked like a “7” and we laughed. But they were obviously waiting for some indication from me that I was going to pay the $160. At this point it was either pay or find another place, possibly losing my deposit in the process. Harland had said there were nicer places, but they were not in town, and they were around five hundred a month – more than my limited funds would allow. It also looks less and less like I am going to be able to afford a vehicle, at least not until the house sells, so moving out of town is not an option at this point.
Garcia agreed to drive us to David to get the water heater at the Do-It Center and we would install it tomorrow. Still not sure what “fix” meant to Sonia, but at least I will finally have hot water. They are also going to replace my broken taps.
On the way out we stopped at their house, which was very nice. I met one of their daughters, Deanna and her daughter, Michelle. I had mentioned to Garcia that I was mucho humbre (hungry) and hoped we could stop in David when we got there. Before I knew it Garcia and Sonia were cooking away. They made the best spaghetti I think I've ever had, along with fried bananas and fresh pineapple juice. We sat outside on their patio and enjoyed a great meal. Deanna lives in Costa Rica and her English is better than Sonia’s or Garcia’s, which isn't saying much, but it was nice to be able to have more than broken word conversations.
Off we headed to David – one guy who hardly spoke English and one guy who hardly spoke Spanish. It was an interesting drive, but somehow we managed to talk all the way there and back. At least I know my numbers in Spanish now, well, up to ten anyway. I got a big kick when, if there was a moment of silence, he’d start with “uno” and we went up to ten.
We got the water heater, a better coffee maker and a toaster, of course both of which I have at home. I hate spending money like this, especially when I don’t have it, but I have to live. And the way things are going I certainly cannot afford to eat out, despite the lower prices. The money has to last or I’m in bigger trouble than I was. It would have been incredible to have sold the house and everything I owned and came here with the money to be able to do what I wanted to do. Maybe it’s just not my destiny to be “stress free”.
I was writing this at Roxane’s, The Grill House, salivating over trying my first steak. The place was packed and there was a line-up outside. I asked a waiter if I could sit at a table outside to smoke and got a “si, senior”. I was going to try my first beer, but no one came to serve me. The window behind my table was open so I asked a waiter to come. Again, “si senior”. Fifteen minutes later, still no one. Two girls who had sat down only a few minutes earlier got service from a guy I assumed was the owner within minutes. I was not impressed.
Then through the window I hear a group of about ten Americans place a very large order, so I knew even if I did get served it would be an hour before I saw food. I got up and left.
Sonia and I had eaten at a very nice place, the Rendezvous, yesterday, so I thought I’d see if it was still open, which thankfully it was. The owner greeted me, but spoke zero English, so I was struggling to order from the all Spanish menu. Just when I thought we had got it straight, he comes back babbling away in Spanish. I thought maybe he was asking me what kind of steak I wanted. After my “no comprende” he went in and came back with the girl who served us yesterday. She broke out in a big smile, obviously recognizing me from yesterday, which was nice. I told her about my horrible experience at Roxane’s and she said they were all family here at this place, and she would take good care of me. She’s cute and had no idea what I thought take me of me meant to me. What he was trying to say was to ask me how I wanted it done. Language is always an adventure.
Karinthya is a big fan of what happens does so for a reason. Not only did I have a fantastic steak but I met two wonderful people – Paolo and Samuel. She was from the Bahamas and he was from Switzerland. They spoke Spanish but more often French, so I got to dust off my grade 10 French. After dinner I invited them to walk back to the house, which they did and we had many drinks and laughs and good conversation. I wish they lived here in Boquete as I think we would have become great friends. Paolo gave me her email address and asked me to let her know how I was doing. Now if I could only meet someone my own age that is as nice as her.
Tomorrow we install the water heater and I can hopefully have a shower, one without zapping myself. I am supposed to take Karinthya, Hossman, Garcia and Sonia out for dinner tomorrow night to thank them for all the help they have provided. With not having a car I would have been lost without them. Karinthya and I did speak about me going with them to Bocos del Tora for New Year’s, which would have been a blast, but the way I’m spending money I didn't count on, I can’t afford to go anywhere.
Panama or Bust
My trip to Panama
The original plan didn't quite work, but what happened might have been a blessing in disguise. I had sold my truck and bought the car, intending to drive to Boquete, a trip I figured would take about ten days or so, apparently in my total ignorance. When I was turned back at the border and had to make some last minute plans to fly, I was a bit panicky considering it was Christmas Eve and all. Not only would it be very difficult to even book flights, but everything closed up early for Christmas Eve. On my trip back I doubted BCAA would still be open by the time I made it there.
Hike - McDougall Ridge
Almost felt guilty about not telling the ski club about this one. Naw, I don't, not after zero turnout last week. We were a little later heading out than we usually are (yes, my fault), but reached the highpoint around three or so. As you can see by the pics, the views are just awesome! It was another gorgeous Okanagan day and we made the most of it. From the starting point it's only three kilometres to this spot, but it's about ninety-five percent uphill, so quite the challenging and enjoyable hike. We were going to go go-karting when we got down, but it was too late, so we'll save that for another day. Had a nice steak dinner and watched Tristen & Isolde. Great day!
Joy and Sorrow About My Daughter.
The combination of my birthday and nearly losing it because of my diabetes has given me cause for some reflections on life, particularly about my kids. As you know I reconnected, thanks to Facebook, with my son, Chris, last July. Although it hasn't exactly gone as I hoped (I've had almost no contact with him) it is a delight to hear from one of my granddaughters, Danielle, once in a while. The last time I saw her was when I held in her on my arms as a baby. My son has two other daughters I've never met. Despite the bumps it is my "joy" that we have found each other again after so many years, and that at least they know I'm still alive.
Life is precious
Somehow I've made it through almost fifty-eight years on this planet without a life threatening incident. Sure, I've had some moments, like nearly going off the side of a mountain on my dirt bike, but I never viewed them as "life threatening", or sensed my own mortality.
I've also always considered myself fairly active, working very hard for long days, roller-blading and dancing and hiking and water skiing and cross country skiing and dirt biking - things that people my age don't normally do. Lately I haven't been doing a lot of anything, but that was because I didn't have the money, not because I couldn't.
My situation with not being able to sell the house put me in dire straits financially. My roomie, Ric, has been paying the rent and keeping food on the table, and lending me money when something was critical. One thing I could not afford was my very expensive medicines for my diabetes. I ran out near the end of August, but I had a mortgage arranged for early September, and figured I'd "catch up" on my meds as soon as I had some money and took care of my bills. "Dumb" is not the word for it. Not only did I stop the meds, but my depression made me eat and eat things I am not supposed to touch, let alone gorge on. I ate those mini chocolate bars like there was no tomorrow. I had ice cream with chocolate sauce. I ate ice cream bars and drank Coke and had two or three drinks of Rum every day. I was the poster child for what NOT to do as a diabetic. The mortgage got more and more delayed and still hasn't come through.
A couple of weeks ago I thought I was getting sick with something. I felt horrible and went up to the clinic to see my doctor and get some antibiotics for what I thought was something like bronchitis. I had also just had my blood work done a couple of days before. When my doctor saw me he said he was going to send me straight to the hospital. My blood sugars were completely out of control and I was on the edge. He took a urine sample and said if I started on insulin shots right away I might avoid the hospital. My blood pressure was bad. My cholesterol was bad. My kidneys were bad. I was on the verge of going into a diabetic coma.
The next few days were hell. I almost slept around the clock. I had trouble speaking. I couldn't remember what day it was. My mouth was pasty dry all the time and I drank and drank. I peed twenty times a day. I felt as though I was outside my body. My brain was not working properly, which I learned is a symptom of very high sugar levels. I had not used my glucometer for years, again, not bright, and when I tested my sugars, they were so high all I got was a "too high" flashing on my meter. The least little bit of exercise sent my head spinning. I was so weak. There were a couple of days in there that I thought I would not wake up again. It was pretty scarey stuff.
My sugars are slowly coming down with the insulin shots. The doctor has doubled my insulin, hoping to get my sugars down to where they were long ago. He says I will have more energy and will eventually get back to "normal", which, at the moment seems hard to believe.
This has very much changed my life. I know I came close and I am not infallible anymore. I took my health for granted and I paid the price. I am hoping I have not done too much damage, and that I can get back to living a normal, healthy life. I may be a type 1 now, meaning the insulin shots are permanent, but it won't stop me from living my life as I want to. I need to get healthy, lose some weight and quit smoking, and take all my meds faithfully, or I won't be writing anything on my fifty-ninth birthday.
I hope you learn something from my story and never put yourselves in this position by being as stupid as I was.
Don't Go There
Words
When to explain I try to endeavour
Your only response - “whatever”.
When I suggest we get “touchy-feely”
Your only response - “oh, really?”
When over the line I venture to dare
Your only response – “don’t go there”.
Even when I stumble with only a “duh”.
Your only response – “Uh-huh”.
But when I’m not acting the fool
Your welcome response – “cool”.
And the most common answer wherever I go
Is that all too simple, but meaningful “no.”
Father and Son
Chris called me around six o'clock our time and we talked until 2:30 in the morning! After twelve years we had a lot of catching up to do, that's for sure. Although we covered a lot of ground, obviously, the main things were:
One of those "Life Moments"
Haven't had a whole lot of "personal" stuff to add to my blog, because, of course, with the reno I don't have a personal "life" per say. lol. Nuttin' but work, work, work.