Poem – Maybe a new beginning?

Never in my life have I been this sad
So many things are making me mad
These lines I write to get it all out
Venting my pain is what it’s about.

How did I get to this place in my life?
So grief stricken and filled with strife.
My fair share of mistakes I’ve certainly made
Too many wrong choices, and for those I have paid.

As I contemplate the final chapter of it all.
I begin to reflect on just how far the fall.
There were times when I thought to give in
Would signal what would be a cardinal sin.

I searched for some sign of a change coming
But no matter how I prayed there was nothing.
Each twist and turn brought only new pain
Why hang on when there was nothing to gain?

Just when I thought it was all for naught
Came the glimmer of hope I had sought
My cousin offered me a roof over my head
I thought for a moment I might not be dead.

A door had closed but another had opened wide
I might get my life back if I swallowed my pride
It gave me a chance to get out from the stress
Of having a life that had become such a mess.

In the midst of my sorrow Denise came to me
She so brightened my days and I began to see
That with this amazing woman here by my side
My life could be better, filled with such pride.

Her beautiful smile and twinkling eyes
That she loved me came as such a surprise
But along with the joy came also new doubt
Could we be together was what’s it’s about.

Mere words in a poem cannot be enough
To capture how, without her, it’s so rough
She gave me some hope, but only so brief
Thoughts of without her just brings me more grief.

Impossible it seems that we’ll ever see the day
When we can be together in that special way.
Her life, it’s complex, simply no room for me
More and more it looks like it’s not meant to be.

My life has no purpose if I can’t share her life.
She’s the first one for me that I’d want as a wife.
But it doesn’t look like there’s a place for me
To share hopes and dreams of what it could be.

Her smile warms my heart and fills me with joy
The way that she blushes and tries to be coy.
God, why bring me this vision? Is it a sign?
You know she can’t ever really be mine.

My father died in my arms that cursed day
My life changed forever in the worst way.
It was the start of a long painful fall
Now today, my back against the wall.

I have nothing to offer and can’t make it right
To lose the love of my life, a painful plight
Had she only come at a much brighter time
Our life together could have been sublime.

The dark shadows surround me and the sorrow grows
How I’ll ever get through this, God only knows
My dreams of happiness have all come too late
All alone and forever lonely. Is this my fate?

It’s said no love is worse than a love lost
But when you lose, the pain is the cost.
It tears at your soul that you can’t do a thing
To see the day when she wears your ring.

Life happens while you’re making other plans, it’s said
Sad that good fortune doesn’t come before you’re dead
If it weren’t for bad luck I’d have no luck at all
Desperate hope is pointless. Time to heed the call?

Let her go now before you hurt her even more
Just make sure that she knows it’s her you adore
That you will love her ‘til your dying day
That she is more special to you in every way.

The tears flow too easily as I write this prose
Sadness overwhelms me and I know it shows
Giving up is not something I’d ever prefer
But the odds, they are against me and her.

Choices she makes will change how it goes
Such a special lady, something everyone knows.
We’ve shared laughter and love, my sweet “Babygirl”
Know that deep down you set my soul in a whirl.

Neither of us knows what the future may hold
Without me in your life your love may grow cold.
If fate steps in to change your life plan
Know that I always want to be your man.

Today it appears to be impossible dreams
Living and loving, out of our reach it seems.
Your struggles to be free must come first
For me to be a factor would be the worst.

Only you know where your life it will go
But no matter what, there’s one thing to know
You brought such joy to a life so bleak
Eternity with you is what I seek.

Moments of weakness I wish you didn’t see
Strength and support is what you need from me.
You are strong willed, we know that is true
A pillar of strength is the right man for you.

Had we met at a different place and time
I have no doubt that you would be mine.
A love like ours is so hard to find
Always in my heart and in my mind.

The pain and the sorrow are too much to bear
For you I am longing, such much do I care
You are my once in a lifetime girl, I know
Overwhelming feelings of love do I show.

But the guilt of knowing I’m not right for you
At least not now, when you’ve so much to do
Sorrow and sadness, you’ve had your share
To just bring you more I do not dare.

What’s right here or wrong I have no clue
I only know my soul simply longs for you
To kiss you and hold you in my arms
To love you and share your many charms.

Those glorious moments we spent with each other
Tears well up when I sense they’ll not be another
My life is in ruins, little hope it will turn around
For too few moments of happiness now to be found.

You have been such a huge part of these recent days
You’ll never know how you thrilled in so many ways.
Although apart we did the best that we could
To keep the fires burning we just knew we should.

But texting and talking are just not enough
For people like us it’s simply too tough.
Our love is a start but we need the chance
To be together, have time for romance.

To laugh and cuddle and kiss and make love
Truly a great gift from the heavens above.
Your smile makes me crazy, of that be clear
My job is to bring only more smiles, my dear.

But when your soul is filled with such pain
Being “up” all the time you cannot sustain.
The reality of life rears its ugly head
And tears only flow like rain instead.

You need someone in your life as special as you
Settling for me is not the right thing to do.
I know you’ll be angry with me for this
But know there is no one more I will miss.

I believe in my heart that the love you have shown
Is more than one man could ever have known
Emotions ebb and flow like the tide
Sadness and sorrow I cannot hide.

Tears of joy turn to those of pain
A love like yours I’ll not find again
A different place and time we might have been
Like star-cross lovers, the best we’ve seen.

Wishing and hoping that dreams will come true
Is never enough, and not the right thing to do.
To get what you want needs decisions you take
If a life together is what you will make.

If those choices you make are not right for you
Then accept the alternative is what you must do
“Love is blind” only means you can’t see
That taking great risks will not set you free.

It has to be possible and not just a whim
Or that bright future will only grow dim.
In your life I’m not what you need right now
When being together we have no clue how.

Please don’t forget me in all your days ahead
Always remember, in my dreams, we were wed.
Wherever life’s journey in the future takes you
I hope you find another who loves you like I do.

Love you, forever and always.

Gary