The Social "Safety Net"?
I have worked all my life in various pursuits, some admittedly more successful than others. Today I find myself facing physical limitations and medical issues for the first time in my life. My weight gain from not smoking, lack of exercise, my "frozen shoulder", elevated sugar levels, foot swelling and pain, all contribute to limiting the type of work I can do. Throughout all of this, though, my singular goal has been to find work. I have never been one to put my feet up and live off the public purse. It's just not my nature.
Thankfully, Ontario Works, the welfare system here in Ontario, within very restrictive guidelines, has still managed to show compassion and understanding for my situation and I am alive today because of it. Also, having been through the horrible experience of staying at the shelters in town, I am most thankful that London Housing finally came through with accommodation. It is a far cry from living in the hellish conditions of places like the Men's Mission, which no one should ever have to suffer.
Obviously this is the first time I have been subjected to the system of support in Ontario, so everything has been new to me. With the exception of the front counter staff at OW, who treat people like pond scum before even giving them a chance, I take no issue with how I have been dealt with, in fact, I have been pleasantly surprised at the genuine concern for my predicament. What I do take exception to, and I think needs to be rethought, is the systems and programs outside of the control of OW.
Firstly, my experience with a local "counseling" company. Having just gone through the trauma of coming far too close to buying the farm because I had no meds, coupled with the loss of my job and my threat of eviction, I was quite obviously in a poor mental state. It didn't help that I was also all alone in a strange town, with no support network of friends.I had never been to any type of counseling or therapy in my life, so I had no idea what to expect. I did think that they would offer me some effective help by referring me to various agencies or suggesting courses of action to get me back on track. OW approved me for ten sessions and I can only assume they are expensive. They were; however, a total waste of time and I only went to two sessions before quitting. They do nothing more than sit and listen to your list of troubles, but offer nothing in return. I asked a number of questions about things like financial assistance, lodging, work related programs, exercise options and on and on, yet my counselor said that was "not their purpose" and she had no information what-so-ever on anything to help me. What good is that? It was pointless.
Frankly I am not sure how I came into contact with Goodwill, who I know no doubt do good work. Maybe it was a referral from OW, but they did offer some very helpful courses to assist me in my job search. What I found incredibly lacking though was their counseling. My first counselor referred me to a program, part of the Ontario Government's Second Career program, and offered online through Conestoga College. Only after several emails back and forth did I learn that this is a post-grad course and I did not qualify, which my counselor should have known. Subsequent to this total waste of time I requested a change of counselor because I felt she was doing nothing for me. Although, after some prodding, they agreed to assign a new counselor to me, the first available appointment with him was over a month away! My job search is urgent and I need all the help I can get. There is obviously a shortage of qualified counselors or funding issues or something that would delay assistance this long. This is of little help to someone struggling every single day to find work.
The merry-go-round with Leads, a local agency designed to help the disabled, was ridiculous. After my referral from OW in January I received a letter setting an appointment for March 31st, almost three months from the date of the referral! Then I got a call cancelling my appointment with no real explanation. Then after a follow-up on the second referral, they had no record of it and told me to go back, yet again, to OW for another referral. After all this I then got a letter telling me I have an appointment for August 1st! This is six months after the initial referral. Watching all their commercials and looking at their website I did feel that they could be very effective in overcoming my physical challenges and finding me some kind of meaningful work, so I pressed to get an earlier appointment, and was successful.
Last week I met with a counselor and had a very in-depth two hour interview. I left feeling that there was a very good chance that they would find me work. I was to attend again yesterday for a follow-up. Full of anticipation, when I got there, first, they had misplaced my file, but we were to go ahead anyway. That struck me as odd because I assumed there might have been some contacts made with employers or that they had done something. I was wrong. I was ushered into the office, whereupon the counselor looked up job postings with people like the city and a call centre. I had explained that, since the day my contract ended with Home Depot I had spent every day, all day, searching every possible job posting anywhere. There was no job publicly posted anywhere that I did not know about. I assumed that the whole purpose of Leads was to tap into the hidden job market for people with disabilities. I also assumed that they acted as advocates for people like me. The results of the meeting were that I was to apply online, myself, something I could and did do every day, to these jobs. I asked somewhat incredulously, if it wasn't better to go through Leads so that they might advocate on my behalf with the employer to consider hiring someone with challenges. The answer was that it didn't matter, so what is the purpose of Leads?
My point here is that it, in my humble opinion, it is time for reform. I question why there are so many publicly funded outside agencies involved in the process of getting people back to work. Ontario Works mandate should be, simply, to get people back to work. The programs should start with providing people funding for their basic needs, but then it should ran the gambit, from work, home and life counseling, to retraining, to academic funding to housing to employment counseling with resume building and interview counseling to job placement and follow-up, all coordinated under one roof and by a team who are fully aware of the client's needs. There should also be volunteering opportunities to gain work experience and temporary job placement. When I worked setting up the call centre we needed four call reps immediately. I called OW to advise of the job, which paid $11.00 an hour to start. How many of the eight thousand people on assistance applied? Not one. The system is obviously broken.
I don't pretend to understand the internal workings of OW, but I do hope that maybe someone will have the courage to submit some ideas up the ladder. With a provincial election looming and the Premier with the lowest ever popularity ratings, maybe a really effective "works" program would be an effective election campaign strategy. It could start with putting able-bodied people on assistance to work, but letting them keep the money earned. There are thousands of projects in a place like London that could be done with public/private partnerships, like cleaning up all the graffiti or picking up the thousands of cigarette butts lying all over the city.
Just food for thought, I hope.
Coffee and Cigarettes. Blood Sugar Control?
After coming this close to slipping into a diabetic coma and losing the better part of five days before being rescued by my doctor, I had little choice but to quit smoking. I had no money for food, let alone very expensive smokes. This lasted for six months, until last weekend when circumstances, like having no food in the house and getting little from the food bank, I discovered my desperately needed cheque had gone in early on Saturday morning.
I could sense my stress level was off the charts, so I decided to celebrate with a pack of smokes. Although overwhelmed with the guilt of it all I figured after six months that I would cough my guts out and hate the taste. No such luck! It was nirvana! I could feel a sense of calm come over me immediately. Oh well, I figured, one pack and I'd quit again. No money for smokes, that was for sure.
Some background on my sugar levels - when I nearly bought the farm my sugars were in the upper thirties. Anyone who knows anything about diabetes knows this is well above the danger levels. Thanks to my doctor and the pharmacist who went together on getting me my insulin, my sugar levels started coming down, but they still weren't good. After very thorough tests at the diabetic specialist they upped my insulin and kept me on my meds as well. Still my sugars never got much better than mid teens, sometimes as high as lower twenties. Everyone, including me, was frustrated that nothing seemed to work to get me under ten, which was the goal.
Here's the interesting and crazy part. The day after buying smokes I made a morning pot of coffee, something I hadn't had since quitting back in December, because of the instant lifetime association of starting every day with coffee and a smoke. I sat out on my balcony, coffee in one hand and a smoke in the other, as God intended (that's why he gave us two hands), happy as a pig in you know what. Life was as it should be.
As I do every morning now I tested my sugars. To my considerable surprise it was 8.8, the best reading I had ever had. I figured there was something wrong with my meter, but a couple of hours later, after eating breakfast, when levels are usually elevated, my next reading was 8.9! Curious, I tested more frequently than normal the rest of the day, all with readings in the eights. After a rare treat of a fudgsicle, which should have put me in the twenties, I was again shocked to see a 9.2, not much higher than before. Over the last few days the readings have not changed. They've been the lowest since those thirties back in December.
So, what's the only change in my life? Diet? Nope, in fact I've had some rare sugar laden treats. Exercise? Nope, other than my normal walking with the bus routes. I was planning to bike, but the weather has not been great until recently. The only change is drinking my coffee again and smoking. I've actually written to Benson and Hedges to suggest a clinical study, of course with them providing me cigarettes. lol
Even more telling might be that I just enjoyed my last smoke and I have no money for any more. Dumb as it may sound, I wish I could keep smoking so I could get rid of the twenty-five pounds I gained not smoking. This has been more harmful to my health than anything. I've lost my energy. I can't bend down to tie up my shoes. I'm sleeping more. I feel like crap. So much for feeling better not smoking.
In fairness I'll report on my sugar levels over the next few days, but if they now go back up not smoking, well, it's going to get interesting at least.
Yes, and I know that at least one person who might read this is going to give me proper hell for smoking again. She's a cancer survivor so I don't blame her for her scorn. I thought of her when I took my first puff, but it didn't stop me. lol
The State of TV
Having lost my cable because Rogers wanted my first born child to continue (he's an adult now and objected) offering what they call "service", and being blackmailed by Rogers who are preventing Bell from providing me service (shouldn't that be illegal?), I am left with only my one local over-the-air channel, which, thanks to the government, apparently, I am also going to lose come August.
This got me thinking to the "good ole days" when all we had was over-the-air channels, not many if I remember my childhood, but they were all "broadcast" channels, including the three US networks at the time, NBC, ABC and CBS and two Canadian networks, CBC and CTV. The way it worked was we received the channels for FREE, but we had to sit through what they called "commercials" from advertisers who sponsored programs, paying for the actors and production costs. Everybody made money and we all went out and bought the products that were advertised on TV and we didn't have to pay a gazillion dollars a month for the privilege.
Today we have our TV delivered by cable or satellite. We still have to sit through all those same commercials, even more of them now, especially during programs like Hockey Night in Canada, which didn't use to have commercial "breaks" because that would mean losing the momentum of the game (oh, right) but for some unknown reason we now have to pay a bazillion dollars a month for the privilege. Now there's this thing called the internet, which we also pay a gazillion dollars for every month. So tell me why we can't get all our programs from this internet for FREE because the advertisers pay for the actors and to produce the programs and we go out and buy the products and then we wouldn't need to pay a cent for the privilege. What a concept!
No worries..
I no longer need to wonder what it will be like to get old......I am old and have all the aches and pains to prove it.
I no longer need to wonder what it would be like to be fat.......I've put on twenty-five pounds since quitting smoking and I am fat.
I no longer feel the warmth and security of being surrounded by family......My dear parents have both died and my kids abandoned me years ago. I have no family.
I no longer wonder what my friends think of me........I have no friends.
I no longer worry about what to do with all my money................I have none.
I no longer spend hours renovating my house..............I have no house.
I no longer worry about repairs, insurance or gas for my car.............my beater car has been parked for months.
I no longer worry about fashion in clothes...................I have not had money for clothes in years.
I no longer wonder what it's like to be loved by someone special............I have not been in love for a year.
I no longer wonder how it feels to have someone special in your life..............I have been alone for a year.
I no longer marvel at the joys of where I live..............I am stuck here, it seems, forever.
I no longer wake every day, impatient to get to work.............I haven't worked since last year.
I know longer know why I am here.
THERE WILL NEVER EVER BE ANOTHER YOU
THERE WILL NEVER EVER BE ANOTHER YOU
The world has never seen anyone quite like you before, and it will never see another YOU again. And there is something you have to contribute to the world that the world needs from YOU, no matter how small or unimportant you may think you are, in the great scheme of things. You were born, you are breathing, you are here, because there is something you have to contribute to the world that the world really, really needs. At least in that place, at least at this time, at least with your style, at least with your character and stamp upon it. Someone needs you. Someone’s life has been, or will be, better because of you. Be you a health care professional, a scientist, an engineer, or techie, or digger of ditches, it doesn’t matter. The world needs all these things, but animated specifically by your spirit, your brains, your personality, beneath and in it all.
Your purpose in life isn’t just a matter of what kind of work you do. It’s a matter of who you are, what kind of person you are, and whether you choose to be the best YOU that you can possibly be.
- Richard N. Bolles (What Color Is Your Parachute?)
My Christmas Wish List
Many people wish for traditional "gifts" under their tree. After a lifetime of those typical Christmas mornings, this year my list is a little more basic. It has been a difficult couple of years and I realize what are the important things in life. Here's my list, in no particular order:
Desperation starts to set in
Not much left to say. I am on hold on the phone right now to Welfare, to beg them to give me some meds before I collapse. It's been six weeks now and that is taking its toll on me. Add this deplorable heat to being without meds and the days and nights are not pleasant. My landlady, although surprisingly understanding about not paying the rent last week, refuses to leave the air on to cool down my sweltering loft, so I just sit and sweat and can't sleep. I have no money for food, so my diet has tanked. I am so dehydrated all I do is drink water and pee, and it keeps me up all night. I have filled out an unbelievable number of job applications, at least a hundred over the last few days, with not one response. It's so discouraging! I would kill to be back out West. I have so many wonderful memories of great friends there. I have no one to care here. I wish I could close my eyes, click my heels and wake up in the Okanagan.
My First Trip to a Soup Kitchen
Other than it’s obviously a church, there were no signs to let anyone know there’s a lunch program, nor is there any way to know where to enter the church. Luckily I found an open door and a kindly gentleman who directed me downstairs. The only sign I saw was “Men's Room Closed”.
Diary of a Diabetic
Somewhat fatalistic, I know, but I thought I had best know the warning signs before I slip off into the diabetic coma. It's been four weeks now without my meds, for the first time since being diagnosed way back in 2004. I was better off not knowing. With the sole exception of cognitive problems, which, as far as I know, I don't have, I have every other symptom. Yikes!
The Fat Lady is singing her head off
As Sinatra sang it, "and now the end is near and I must face the final curtain". For what seems like far too long now I have been fighting an uphill battle to just work hard and survive, but I just can't catch a break. If it weren't for my friend and colleague, Sieg Pedde, I would have been done in long ago. He brought my overdue car payments up to date, saving me from losing my car, which would have meant also losing my job, and he bailed me out last week when I had absolutely no money to live on.