The coast was clear

Promised a follow-up on the weekend. Didn’t think it would be quite this early today, but, yes, I’m home already and pretty blue, so here goes the therapy.

Lots of good and some very major bad – I lost one of the only remaining pairs of my contacts – the "thirty day" ones I’ve now been using for over a year and a half. Guess it was time. More importantly I lost the "girlfriend" I guess I finally have to admit I never had, and, regrettably, also lost someone I thought was a good friend. I’m bouncing back and forth between bitterness and sadness, so I won’t make a lot of sense, but it’s important for me to bring some closure here to get on with my life.

You all know Gary is the true "hopeless romantic" and I’ve certainly been proving it over and over these last few months. Even faced with overwhelming experience, over and over, that there was just nothing there for her, I kept thinking that if I just did that one right thing she would break down and start to show something for me. No such luck! I spent hours last week pouring over Vancouver websites, trying to plan the perfect weekend. It started off promising because we were originally leaving around 2:00 o’clock on Friday, which became 10:30, and then she phoned to tell me she was on her way at nine. Yippee! Bonus. We took the long way down, along highway 3 – the scenic route and it was a great trip. We stopped at Brimley Park to enjoy the lunch she had brought. Gorgeous spot. Although we hit a bunch of traffic when we got there, we managed to meet her son just coming home. She was supposed to be my navigator, which was a laugh because we rarely knew where we were, but, most importantly, we didn’t care and didn’t argue, which was great.

After getting sort of organized we were off to Boon County to dance. Unfortunately the music wasn’t great and my foot was absolutely killing me, but we did get in a couple of hours, and got the usual compliments about our dancing, which is always nice to hear.

Saturday got off to a little rocky start when we ended up going into North Vancouver when we were supposed to be heading downtown for the Chinese Festival. In our wandering around she said she felt like bacon and eggs, and so did I (no eggs), so we stopped at Denny’s for a fantastic breakfast. Our server was terrific and laughed at how lost we were, but it fun. We finally ended up at the festival and, although not quite what I expected, still enjoyed it. Prices were much better than you would expect at a thing like that and I bought her some earrings and a great dance skirt at one of the shops. The original plan was to blade Stanley Park, but my foot was still sore from dancing, and more importantly, I was worried she might not do well if there were a lot of people. Our plan changed to meeting her son and daughter-in-law to bike the park instead. Turned out to be the right move and we had a ball. There was a bit of a parking fiasco because we thought we were parked in a free area, and had a ticket when we got back, but I’m fighting it.

Then we drove over to Granville Island and parked, to get ready for the fireworks that night. We rode down to the Science Centre and back, then wandered around the market for a bit. Enjoyed some awesome fudge! We met them and hiked out what seemed like miles to Vanier Park to wait for the fireworks. Even though it was still in the mid-twenties, she got very cold. I suggested she snuggle on the blanket with me and I’d keep her warm, but no such luck. The kids had brought Chinese Food, which was the perfect dinner for us. The fireworks were okay, but not what any of us expected. Mexico was the sponsor that night, and we were surprised they won the competition. The others must have been really bad. After the finale it was a bit of a mad scramble to get out of there and we ended up in the quite the traffic jam for a long time.

There was another parking "incident" at the fireworks, and anyone who cares to comment on this one, feel free. When we got to the parking lot mid-afternoon there was a sign that read "Sat – Sun. Flat Rate – $3" so we paid our money and got our tickets. When we came back to put our bikes back on the truck, there was a new sign taped over the meter saying "Special Event – $15". The guy said we had to pay or we would be towed, so while she argued with him and checked other vehicles to see what they had on their dash, I phoned the towing company and explained it to them and suggested they best not tow my truck. She agreed with me that I pay the balance of the $15, then write to the parking company to get my money back. Downright extortion, eh?

Sunday at least started okay. I had wanted to start at the Capilano Bridge, but said we had to get there early to make it worth it to pay the $50 bucks entrance fee. She was still sleeping soundly when we needed to be leaving, so I went off to get a coffee and some ice for the cooler. When I came back I told her we were too late for my plan, but we agreed we would sacrifice the Lonsdale Quay if we were running late, so off we went to Capilano. I could write a very long story about Capilano, but all I want anyone to know is "go". It’s way more than just a suspension bridge and we thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s a must do if you are in Vancouver. She got a nice pendant and I got a hat at the gift shop. After watching people struggle to walk across the bridge I told her the first one who touched the railing lost. It was tougher than it sounds, but we both made it across and back without touching.

Time was still good so we headed off to Lonsdale after all, which turned out to be a good thing. We had the best Halibut and Chips at a place called Montgomery’s in the market, and we sat down to watch the Tina Turner impersonator. There was what looked like a very aggressive seagull with his eyes on her fish, and I kept shooing him away. He was behind her and suddenly made a dive for her fish, which scared to crap out of her. The Tina Turner impersonator turned out to be more like Tina Turner than Tina Turner. Just incredible. She has the voice – both when she talked and when she sang; the dance moves, and the "Hotlegs" dancers were terrific. Truly enjoyable show. That lady worked very hard in the blazing sunshine. What a trooper.

I called her son to meet us at Lynn Canyon next. I should not have called because this is the turning point for the weekend. It was very crowded and a little stressful, but it was neat to see the cliff divers, dangerous as it is. There had been some words about her moving a branch in the creek when there were so many people downstream if it took off. She has also made a rather insulting comment about my foot – yes, the very very sore one, and I had snapped at her, asking if she could find anything else wrong with me. This is where I started to get angry and frustrated. Because of my foot I suggested I would stay at the bottom of the huge stairs while they all ran up and down – something I had done before and I didn’t need any more pain. When they came back she took off with them, totally ignoring me. It was very painful for me to walk over the stones and roots sticking out, so I was a little slower. At one point I wondered if I just stopped to rest, would they even notice?

When we got back to the beginning I knew something was wrong, but, as usual, had no clue what it was. She was in a snit and sullen as she always is when someone says or does something she doesn’t like. I got none answers to anything I said and that "whatever" look of scorn. I asked if she wasn’t feeling well or was she in a snit about something and the argument started. It ended up that I was taking her back to her son’s place. I took a wrong turn, so she said to get her to a bus and she would find her way home. With the wrong turn I ended up going back downtown to Canada Place where we were supposed to be going in the first place, but we were taking the Seabus across to avoid driving downtown again. Anyway, I didn’t have time to take her all the way home, then back for IMAX, and I really thought she would enjoy it as she’d never seen it before. We saw Alaska and it was enjoyable after all. We also saw four huge cruise ships all leave within about an hour of each other. Man, those things are the size of buildings!

With our ticket to IMAX we got a coupon for a place called the Stonegrill so we decided to give it a try. The meal was one of the best I’ve ever had. It was so unique in that they bring you a steak on a volcanic stone and you cook it at your table. A very unique experience. The place was under the Granville bridge, built right out over the water. It’s too bad there was no chance for romance because it’s a great spot for it. She was deathly quiet and determined not to enjoy anything, so I told her I realized that with me was the very last place on earth she wanted to be right now, but to please "buck up" and try to enjoy the very nice meal we were having. She became a little less sullen. We walked along the seawall after dinner, but it was just a walk. Certainly no cuddles and affection here. She hadn’t been on an aquabus either, so we booted across and right back to Granville Island on one, just so she can now say she has. They didn’t charge us for the return trip which was nice of them.

The plan for today was to have breakfast with the kids as a thanks for letting me stay there, then go to Ikea, then go berry picking in Chilliwack. She had spent some time on the Internet trying to find places to go picking. Breakfast at Denny’s was good again and we said our good-byes. Ikea was very busy and we got separated and she didn’t find what she wanted, but I got a table and chairs for my kitchen, so I finally have somewhere to eat other than my lap. We headed off in plenty of time to go berry picking which I was looking forward to as they have some of the best berries in that area. When I suggested we get to Chilliwack, then drive off and look for some signs for U-Picks, she said she "wouldn’t bother". The whole day was planned with the idea to get to the berry picking in time to get home at a reasonable hour and now we were heading home on the holiday at noon! I said if I had known that I could have called Julia, who I missed because we were so busy, or we could have gone biking at the University, or a million other things we could have done while we were there. She said I could go berry picking by myself.

All I was getting was attitude and it seemed like the plan was to be as difficult as possible to make me miserable. The trip home was in silence – yes, four and a half hours of nothing – a first for me, and something I hope never to repeat. It was obvious she couldn’t get home fast enough and just wanted to be rid of me. This was the thanks I got for planning the whole weekend and paying for everything – $650 bucks at last count? The goal of the trip was to cheer her up from some recent sadness she’s had. Sure, I hoped somewhere along the way she would finally melt a little and see how much fun we had together and that I am a good guy, and maybe throw me a crumb of affection in the process. Instead all I got was attitude and a lousy end to what should have been a fantastic weekend. It broke my heart to know that she had killed the very real affection and love I had for her. Her total disinterest, lack of any affection whatsoever, and pushing me away has been beating my ego up for months now, but this finally did me in. I am incredibly sad though that I am so pissed at the way she behaved to me that I can’t see having anything more to do with her, even as a friend, because apparently she can’t bring herself to treat me at least as good as a friend, no matter how hard I try. I have done my very best and it obviously just isn’t good enough for her. I hope she finds what she is looking for. It certainly ain’t me. This boy is done trying. Enough is enough. Although I truly hate being alone, or doing anything on my own, at least I don’t abuse myself when I’m alone.

If anyone out there is looking for a good, kind, generous, loving, romantic guy who just wants someone special to share our lives together with, I am SO available. Wounded, but still believing in love, even with my recent experience.

Well, that was a fitting end to the weekend, just when I thought it could not possibly get any worse. I had unloaded everything from the truck into the driveway. It was so hot I thought I’d wait for it to cool down a bit before I put everything away. I went out to grab my backpack though to download all the pictures, and couldn’t find it. Then I noticed a bike sitting there that wasn’t mine, and, of course, mine was gone. Some punk had traded up for mine, which is bad enough, but I’m really pissed they got my camera with all the pictures. That really burns me! I spent the entire weekend triple locking the bikes because we had been told bike theft is out of control in Vancouver, then it gets stolen right out of my driveway beside the house, with all my doors open and me sitting right here. Unfriggin believable. There was some really good pictures on there. Damn!

by TheEditor

Christmas 2005

Who is this reindeer named Rudolf?
...who guides Santa's sleigh with the biological aberration of a red, glowing nose capable of penetrating thick fog?

The whole story of Rudolf appeared, out of nowhere, in 1939. Santas at Montgomery Ward stores gave away 2.4 million copies of a booklet entitled "Rudolf the Red-Nose Reindeer." The story was written by a person in the advertising department named Robert May, and the booklet was illustrated by Denver Gillen. The original name of the reindeer was not Rudolf, according to the book "Extraordinary Origins of Everyday Things," by Charles Panati. The original name was Rollo, but executives did not like that name, nor Reginald. The name Rudolf came from the author's young daughter! In 1949, Gene Autry sang a musical version of the poem and it was a run-away best-seller. The Rudolf song is second only to "White Christmas" in popularity

An Axe to Grind

A boy begs his father to get him a Christmas tree this year.
Each year, the boy asks and the father tells him, "I don't
want to pay for it."

But the son kept begging. Unable to bear his son's whining,
he picks up his axe one day and heads out of the house. 
Thirty minutes later he returns with a great big Christmas tree. "How did you cut it down so fast?" his son asks.

"I didn't cut it down," the father replies. 
"I got it at a tree lot."

"Then why did you bring an axe?"

"Because I didn't want to pay."

 I have a list of folks I know, all written in a book
And every year when Christmas comes, I go and take a look,
And that is when I realize that these names are a part
Not of the book they are written in, but really of my heart.
For each name stands for someone who has crossed my path sometime,
And in the meeting they've become the rhythm in each rhyme.
And while it sounds fantastic for me to make this claim,
I really feel that I'm composed of each remembered name.

And while you may not be aware of any special link
Just meeting you has changed my life a lot more than you think.
For once I've met somebody, the years cannot erase
The memory of a pleasant word or of a friendly face.

So never think my Christmas cards are just a mere routine
Of names upon a Christmas list, forgotten in between,
For when I send a Christmas card that is addressed to you,
It is because you're on the list that I'm indebted to.

For I am but a total of the many folks I've met,
And you happen to be one of those I prefer not to forget.
And whether I have known you for many years or few,
In some ways you have a part in shaping things I do.

And every year when Christmas comes, I realize anew,
The best gifts life can offer is meeting folks like you.
And may the spirit of Christmas that forever endures
Leave its richest blessings in the hearts of you and yours.

1. What American state was the first to make Christmas an official holiday?
   a. Connecticut
   b. Alabama
   c. Alaska
   d. North Carolina

(1.) b

2. What is the shape of the candy cane modeled after?
   a. A fish hook
   b. A consillation of stars
   c. The cane St. Nicholas used
   d. A shepards crook

(2.) d

3. What was the name of the dog that belonged to the Grinch in Dr. Seuss' book "How the Grinch Stole Christmas"?
   a. Rudolph
   b. Toto
   c. Max
   d. Cerberus

(3.) c

4. Which star led the Three Kings to Jesus?
a. Star of David
b. North Star
c. Star of Bethlehem
d. Angel Star

(4.) c

5. What was the name of Scrooges' dead business partner in "A Christmas Carol"?
   a. Jacob Marley
   b. Bob Cratchit
   c. Tiny Tim
   d. Bill Sykes

(5.) a

6. Where did the real St. Nicholas live?
a. In Holland
b. At the North Pole
c. In Turkey
d. In Germany

(6.) c

7. What brought Frosty the Snowman to life?
   a. Pixie Dust
   b. An old silk hat
   c. A kiss
   d. A fresh snowfall

(7.) b

8. When you go Wassailing, what is it that you are doing?
   a. Giving out gifts to your friends & neighbors
   b. Going out in the woods to cut down your Christmas tree
   c. Challenging as many of your neighbors as you can to a snowball fight
   d. Going to visit neighbors and receiving goodies!

(8.) d

9. In the movie "It's A Wonderful Life" how do you know that an angel has received his wings?
   a. A light flashes
   b. It starts raining
   c. A trumpet sounds
   d. A bell rings

(9.) d

10. Who was the author of "A Christmas Carol"?
    a. Hans Christian Anderson
    b. Charles Dickens
    c. Thomas M. Sawyer
    d. Mark Twain

(10.) b

11. What was pictured on the first stamp printed for the Christmas season?
a. Santa Claus
b. An Angel
c. A Star
d. A Rose

(11.) d

12. The poem commonly known as "The Night Before Christmas" was originally titled:
a. The Night Before Christmas
b. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
c. A Visit From Saint Nicholas
d. The Night Visitor

(12). c

13. Electric Christmas tree lights were first used in what year?
    a. 1925
    b. 1700
    c. 1895
    d. 1750

(13.) c

14. At Christmas, it is customary to exchange kisses beneath a sprig of which plant?
a. Holly
b. Mistletoe
c. Ivy
d. Pine

(14.) b

15. Which of these events did NOT occur on Christmas Day?
    a. Hong Kong fell to the Japanese in WWII.
    b. Ebenezer Scrooge was visited by four ghosts.
    c. King Arthur pulled Excalibur from the stone.
    d. Charlemagne was crowned Holy Roman Emperor.

(15.) b

by TheEditor

My Life - My Dad's Eulogy

OUR DAD

THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING TODAY TO HONOR MY FATHER. MY DAD LIVED A RICH AND FULL LIFE. ALTHOUGH WE CERTAINLY WISH HE WAS STILL HERE WITH ALL OF US, WE ARE COMFORTED BY THE KNOWLEDGE THAT HE WENT QUICKLY AND WITHOUT PAIN. TO ANSWER YOUR MANY QUESTIONS DAD HAD A SEVERE ASTHMA ATTACK WHICH CAUSED HIS THROAT TO CLOSE COMPLETELY AND DIED IMMEDIATELY. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO RUSHED TO HELP US, EITHER HELPING WITH MY DAD OR COMFORTING MY MUM, AND FOR THE PARAMEDICS WHO CAME SO QUICKLY AND WORKED SO HARD TO SAVE HIM, BE ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN THAT NOTHING COULD HAVE SAVED HIM. HE DIDN’T HAVE A DROP OF WATER IN HIS LUNGS AND DID NOT DROWN AS MANY OF YOU MAY HAVE THOUGHT.

IN OUR MANY WONDERFUL MEMORIES OF MY DAD AND IN GOING THROUGH HUNDREDS OF PICTURES, IT’S OBVIOUS THAT HE LIVED LIFE TO THE FULLEST, FROM GROWING UP IN THE HARSH WINTERS OF INNISVALE ALBERTA, AND, YES, WALKING FIVE MILES TO SCHOOL, UPHILL IN BOTH DIRECTIONS; TO SERVING HIS COUNTRY IN THE NAVY; TO WORKING TWO JOBS TO PAY FOR MY MUM’S MEDICAL EXPENSES, LONG BEFORE MEDICARE; RAISING THREE ADORABLE CHILDREN, WELL, TWO – YOU FIGURE IT OUT; RENOVATING AN OLD FARMHOUSE IN STREETSVILLE THAT HAD COAL STOVES FOR HEATING AND NO IN-DOOR PLUMBING (GOD, I’M OLD); PACKING UP AND MOVING WEST TO PENTICTON (AREN’T WE GLAD IT WAS WINDY THAT DAY AND HE KEPT GOING TO KELOWNA); TO WORKING AT WESTERN STAR AND RETIRING HERE TO OUR LITTLE PIECE OF PARADISE HERE AT SHADY REST, MY DAD WORKED HARD ALL HIS LIFE BUT ALWAYS MADE TIME FOR FUN. HE WAS AN AVID DIRT-BIKER AND A MEMBER OF THE NOTORIOUS “OVER THE HILL GANG” IN YUMA, ARIZONA, BIKING LONG AFTER MANY OS US WOULD HAVE GIVEN UP. MANY OF MY FONDEST MEMORIES OF DAD ARE THE MILES AND MILES OF BACK COUNTRY TRAILS WE BIKED, BOTH HERE AND IN REVELSTOKE. MY OWN SON CHRIS CAME OUT FROM ONTARIO TO BIKE WITH DAD. CHRIS AND DAD AND I WERE STANDING BESIDE A BEAUTIFUL MOUNTAIN RIVER ON A GORGEOUS SUMMER DAY, BEER IN HAND AND MY SON SAID “IT DOESN’T GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS”. HE WAS SO RIGHT.

HE BOUGHT AND REBUILT THE BIG BOAT WITH THE TWIN V8 ENGINES AND PAINTED IT PURPLE BECAUSE, WELL, THAT WAS MY DAD. HE WAS SO PROUD THAT HE HAD 28 OF HIS FRIENDS JOIN HIM ON THAT BOAT.

MY DAD TOUCHED A LOT OF LIVES IN HIS EIGHTY-ONE YEARS. HE ALWAYS GOT INVOLVED WHEN SOMETHING NEEDED TO GET DONE. AT WESTERN STAR HE WAS ACTIVE IN THE UNION AND THE HEAD OF THE SAFETY COMMITTEE.  HERE IN THE PARK HE HELPED ORGANIZE YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH AND HE WANTED TO HELP THE NEW MARINA ASSOCIATION HOWEVER HE COULD.

EACH OF US WILL HAVE OUR OWN SPECIAL MEMORY OF MY DAD. IT WAS HARD FOR ME TO FIND ONE THAT STOOD OUT. I DECIDED THAT IN THE TRUE SPIRIT OF DAD I WOULD PICK THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS. MANY OF MY FRIENDS HERE TODAY WERE ENJOYING THE BEACH, BECAUSE MY MUM AND DADS DOOR WAS ALWAYS OPEN. WE HAD THREE BOATS HERE TAKING PEOPLE SKIING. MY DAD HAD BEEN DRINKING ALL DAY WITHOUT EATING A THING. HE DECIDED HE WAS GOING SKIING. HE TOLD MY FRIEND WADE TO TAKE HIM UP. MY SISTER WAS ON THE DECK FREAKING OUT THAT WE WERE NOT TO EVEN THINK OF TAKING HIM. WADE WASN’T SURE WHAT TO DO BECAUSE, WHEN DAD SAID HE WANTED TO DO SOMETHING, THERE WASN’T MUCH POINT IN ARGUING. I ASKED WADE TO JUST TAKE HIM FOR A LITTLE LOOP AROUND THE BUOYS AND RIGHT BACK. MY DAD WALKED DOWN THE BEACH INTO THE WATER, CARRYING HIS SKIS AND PROMPTLY FELL FACE FIRST IN THE LAKE. I STILL REMEMBER HIM COMING UP SPITTING AND COUGHING AND SAYING “WELL, MAYBE LATER”. MANY OF YOU KNOW THE MANY TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS WE HAD WITH HIS BLUE BOAT.   THREE ENGINES LATER MY DAD FINALLY GOT TO TAKE HIS LAST SKI AT EIGHTY YEARS OLD LAST YEAR.   QUITE A FEAT.

THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING TODAY.  THIS SERVICE TODAY IS NOT TO MOURN MY FATHER’S PASSING.   HE SPECIFICALLY WANTED NO SAD FUNERAL AND NO TEARS.   NOT ONE OF US WANTS TO DIE AND WE CERTAINLY HOPE WHEN WE DO THAT WE DON’T GO TRAGICALLY. DR HOLMES IN ICU SAID THIS COULD HAVE HAPPENDED TO DAD SUDDENTLY AT ANY TIME. HE COULD HAVE BEEN DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD WITH MY MUM IN THE CAR, HAD AN ACCIDENT AND TAKEN MY MUM AND AN INNOCENT LIFE AS WELL. WE HATE THAT HE IS GONE, BUT WE ARE THANKFUL THAT IT HAPPENED HERE IN THE PLACE HE LOVED BEST, SURROUNDED BY HIS FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

BE IT “DAD” TO YOU, “JIMMY”, OR DONALD (DON TO HIS FAMILY) OR JUST “SWEETHEART” HE WILL BE SORRILY MISSED, BUT HE WILL LIVE ON IN OUR HEARTS AND MINDS FOREVER. MAY IT ALWAYS BE “HAPPY HOUR” IN HEAVEN FOR YOU DAD.

HERE IS HOW HE WISHED TO BE REMEMBERED. (VIDEO)

Editor's Note: My Mum and Dad recorded a hilarious video of them dancing together at their club in Yuma, Arizona. My Dad was dressed as a floosy with big boobs. He basically followed my mother in the routine, which made it all the more comical. Although I knew that this is the way my Dad would want to be remembered, I was somewhat nervous showing this video at his memorial in case anyone thought it was disrespectful. I was so relieved when all kinds of people came up to me after the service and said how much they enjoyed it, how much my Dad would have loved it, and some even said I could organize their memorials. 

by TheEditor

My Life - Guy Rules

From:                 Gary Jones

To:                      NCI_KELOWNA

Date:                   Fri, May 7, 1999  9:54 AM

Subject:              Guy Rules

From: smile.now@home.com

RULES THAT GUYS WISHED WOMEN KNEW ‑

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
5. Get rid of your cat.
6. Sunday = Sports.
7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
8. Women wearing Wonder bras and low‑cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
9. You have too many shoes.
10. Crying is blackmail.
11. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
13. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
14. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
15. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
16. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
17. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
18. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
19. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
20. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
21. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
22. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done ‑ not both.
23. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
24. You have enough clothes.
25. Nothing says "I love you" like sex.

by TheEditor