SO tired of getting hacked
A few months ago my BMO bank account was hacked for $200 by "SONY". I don't even own a Play Station. I reported it to the bank, had to go down to the branch to sign the paperwork, get a new bank card and then update all my legitimate accounts like Amazon, Google, Netflix and so on. Shortly after this I was hacked for $158.19 for "AppleTV". I don't own anything Apple, let alone a TV app. Off I go to the bank again, sign the paperwork, get another new bank card, update my accounts and wait three weeks to get my money back. Not two month later I get hacked again for the exact same amount and same "vendor". This time my bank gives me back my money right away knowing it is fraudulent. Then I discover a fraudulent payment of $59.99 each month for three months by some company I've never heard of. I go to what appears to be their website and the first thing I see is a scam alert! Again I go through the same process getting my new card and updating my accounts. Getting very frustrated that my bank appears to be useless in stopping this fraud.
Today I discover that my funds on hold include $343 from some company called SparklingPureProducts.com, again who I have never heard of. I go to their website and it just shows an error. I email them immediately advising that I have reported this transaction to my bank as fraud. Naturally I haven't heard anything back from them. My bank won't do anything to release the funds until I go through the same reporting process I've now done over and over. As a poor pensioner this amount means I won't be able to buy food and I'll starve! Does my bank of some forty years care? No! My bank manager even suggested that this is somehow my fault by being loose with my banking information which could not be further from the truth. I am very cautious with who I give my banking info to and only deal with companies I've dealt with for many years, like Amazon, Google and Netflix, none of whom I've ever had a single problem with.
UPDATE: The next day my account was charged $315.76 by this SparklingPureProducts, leaving me with no money for food. I had received at least six "tracking" emails telling me they had shipped the product. I replied to every single one of them telling them I had not ordered any product and to refund my money immediately or I would report them for fraud. No response. I checked out their supposed website SparklingPureProducts.com and discovered it did not exist, so I found their registrar and reported the fraud to them. I then managed to track down who supported their toll-free number and found a company called Twillio, so I also reported the fraud to them. For the sixth time this year I had to go to the branch, sign all the paperwork, get yet another debit card and update my online accounts. The manager did show a little compassion by giving me a hundred dollars for food. Naturally she said this would be reversed if and when I got my money back from the scammer.
I then got a call from a Maria at whoever SparklingPureProducts was and she left a message apologizing for any misunderstanding but insisting that I had ordered products from them; however, she was going to issue a refund for thirty-five percent of the cost as a goodwill gesture. I also got my first email response offering the same thing. Once again I refused and demanded my money back and I told her I had reported the fraud to my bank. She called again and this time I spoke to her. Her big mistake was asking me how I was doing? She got an earful. I told her their website did not exist. She said it was down for maintenance. BS! I told her I found their toll-free support company and they were doing an investigation. I told her I contacted their website registrar and reported the fraud to them. I told her they were the worst company I had ever dealt with. By this point she might have been close to tears if she really cared but she did offer to issue a refund for the balance of the charge. She also said that I could keep the product when it arrived but I said I didn't want anything for nothing and I would either refuse it or return it. I found it stuffed in my mailbox a few days later.
As much as this gave me far too much stress there is another interesting part of the story, and that is the bank.
Back when I was hacked for the three payment totalling $179.97 the branch refunded the charges after the investigation. Shortly after I got the same refund again, I assume by their fraud department. I reported the duplication to the branch and they said it would be reversed. After I got the refunds from SparklingPureProducts I emailed my bank manager and said she could debit the hundred dollars she gave me. Yesterday when I checked my account there was another refund for $315.76 from the fraud I had reported, this despite telling the bank that the company had issued refunds not quite totalling the original charge.
So as of today they have not charged back the $179.97, the $100, or the $315.76, for a total of $595.73. Even after some forty years with BMO I have been thinking about closing my accounts because of all this grief. I have tried to get an account with a digital bank, Simplii, but they are impossible to deal with. Almost worse than BMO. If I were not such an honest person closing my account at BMO and being up almost six hundred dollars is tempting. I figure it could be consideration for the many, many hours I've spent trying to get things sorted out with BMO.
Too late for a career change?
Many years ago I took a very extensive career test which, funny enough, said I should be a lawyer. Years later when I was designing a site for Personal Dimensions I had attended a five day workshop that was downright inspirational. It told me I should be a consultant, which I sort of already was with designing websites. Now that I am seventy-one I doubt it's time to go career searching but I just took another test and found it to be just as inciteful. Anyone I've ever worked for or with may or may not agree.
Extraverted Intuitive Feeling Perceiving
ENFPs are both "idea"-people and "people"-people, who see everyone and everything as part of a cosmic whole. They want to both help and to be liked and admired by other people, on both an individual and a humanitarian level. This is rarely a problem for the ENFP, as they are outgoing and warm, and genuinely like people. Some ENFPs have a great deal of zany charm, which can ingratiate them to more stodgy types in spite of their unconventionality.
ENFPs often have strong, if sometimes surprising, values and viewpoints. They tend to try to use their social skills and contacts to persuade others gently (though enthusiastically) of the rightness of these views; this sometimes results in the ENFP neglecting their nearest and dearest while caught up their efforts to change the world.
ENFPs can be the warmest, kindest, and most sympathetic of mates; affectionate, demonstrative, and spontaneous. Many in relationships with an ENFP literally say, "They light up my life." But there is usually a trade-off: the partner must be willing to deal with the practical and financial aspects of the relationship, and the ENFP must be allowed the freedom to follow their latest path, whatever that entails.
For some ENFPs, relationships can be seriously tested by their short attention spans and emotional needs. They are easily intrigued and distracted by new friends and acquaintances, forgetting their older and more familiar emotional ties for long stretches at a time. And the less mature ENFP may need to feel they’re the constant center of attention, to confirm their image of themselves as a wonderful and fascinating person.
In the workplace, ENFPs are pleasant and friendly, and interact in a positive and creative manner with both their co-workers and the public. ENFPs are also a major asset in brainstorming sessions; follow-through on projects can be a problem, however. ENFPs do get distracted, especially if another interesting issue comes along. They also tend towards procrastination, and dislike performing small, uninteresting tasks. ENFPs are most productive when working in a group with a few Js to handle the details and the deadlines.
ENFPs are friendly folks. Most are really enjoyable people. Some of the most soft-hearted people are ENFPs.
ENFPs have what some call a "silly switch." They can be intellectual, serious, all business for a while, but whenever they get the chance, they flip that switch and become CAPTAIN WILDCHILD, the scourge of the swimming pool, ticklers par excellence. Sometimes they may even appear intoxicated when the "switch" is flipped.
One study has shown that ENFPs are significantly overrepresented in psychodrama. Most have a natural propensity for role-playing and acting.
ENFPs like to tell funny stories, especially about their friends. This penchant may be why many are attracted to journalism. I kid one of my ENFP friends that if I want the sixth fleet to know something, I'll just tell him.
ENFPs are global learners. Close enough is satisfactory to the ENFP, which may unnerve more precise thinking types, especially with such things as piano practice ("three quarter notes or four ... what's the difference?") Amazingly, some ENFPs are adept at exacting disciplines such as mathematics.
Friends are what life is about to ENFPs, moreso even than the other NFs. They hold up their end of the relationship, sometimes being victimized by less caring individuals. ENFPs are energized by being around people. Some have real difficulty being alone, especially on a regular basis.
Personality Types: ENFP
One ENFP colleague, a social worker, had such tremendous interpersonal skills that she put her interviewers at ease during her own job interview. She had the ability to make strangers feel like old friends.
ENFPs sometimes can be blindsided by their secondary Feeling function. Hasty decisions based on deeply felt values may boil over with unpredictable results. More than one ENFP has abruptly quit a job in such a moment.
Entrepreneur Type:
Business Leader
The Business Leader is confident, persistent, and inventive in business. He or she can launch a new business and will invest all their energy into establishing it. In addition, one of their outstanding features is a talent for inspiring people. The Business Leader is a good communicator. They know exactly how to implement business policy, and they actively, persistently strive for success. They know how to set goals and they strive to reach them as quickly as possible. This dynamic approach to reaching their goals allows them to quickly develop and promote their business.
However, their approach may also have negative effects. Because the Business Leader strives to reach success quickly, their approach does not always lead to a sustainable business when economic conditions are unfavorable. In such situations, they will sometimes close their enterprise in order to start a new one they believe to be more promising in the moment. The Business Manager flourishes most in a fast-paced environment.
During the company’s start-up period, the Business Leader can develop the business by themselves. At this point, they can temporarily take on the role of manager and analyst, in addition to his or her primary function developing the business.
The Business Leader may encounter problems if they do not anticipate obstacles. Their tendency to take risky actions is also potentially damaging. The Business Leader will find themselves in a tight spot if they do not weigh all the pros and cons while making a decision. Sometimes they cannot stop but try out solutions that are heavily based on a fleeting moment.
The largest comfortable business magnitude for the Business Leader type: Large
Necessary Steps for Success in Your Business
You evaluate information quickly. As a rule, you quickly find a way to achieve your goal. You should be careful not to underestimate the potential difficulties in your path. As well, always carefully consider any possible negative consequences of achieving your goal. It is a good idea to occasionally take breaks from your intense, active work to re-evaluate your goal pathway. Also, try to foresee what problems may arise once the project is completed.
Businesses typical for the Business Leader may or may not be local. Therefore, it is very important to advertise using mass-media agencies that have access to the largest possible audience. Various Internet advertising tools are very useful for this purpose. For example, sending solicited commercial emails to professionals and other customers is a valuable practice. It is also highly beneficial to keep in contact with potential customers through mail, telephone, or other means of communication.
Make sure to carefully analyze customer needs. Then, try to design your advertisements so that they target these needs. Professional referrals and recommendations are essential for the success of your business, so make sure to use them in your marketing and advertising campaign. They can seriously impact a prospective customers’ decision to buy your product; in many cases, they have no other way of judging its quality. Always be in contact with your customers, and send them catalogues or samples of your latest goods.
It is also important to create and support your business brand. Give your business a name that reflects your own name, or one that expresses the essence of your company. Develop a logo or a picture that represents your business. Create and run advertisements. Distribute branded pins, fridge magnets, and similar items to your customers. Remember that low sales may be due to lack of customer’s awareness about the product. Therefore, you should continuously promote your goods and carefully analyze customer feedback. This will help you determine whether the reason for low demand is insufficient advertising or a shortage of product.
If you are financially able to, it makes sense to launch an intensive advertising campaign involving commercials on TV, the radio, the Internet, etc. This is a great way to promote your business. You can increase sales by giving customers the chance to win a valuable prize upon purchase of your product. Create a bundle package of your product and a third-party product. Look for a way to sell your product at a discount to another business who will offer it, free of charge, with a popular product of theirs. In doing this, you will reach a wider audience, while also generating mutual, simultaneous profit for both parties.
Make sure not to push your product overzealously when talking to a customer. However, still point out the product's advantages in terms of quality or price. If you can, give interviews where you explain the advantages of your product or service.
The Business Leader can start a new business or buy an established one. In some cases, they will start a new business based on their own technologies and innovations.
It is important to have a detailed business plan when you start a business. You should assess the market and find a niche for your product or service. Your business plan should point out your company’s weaknesses and suggest strategies to mitigate them. You must analyze the difficulties your competitors face, and propose methods to cope with analogous ones you may encounter. Carefully consider any investments you require to expand your business. Having an investment plan will strengthen your case in negotiations with potential investors.
If you need to strengthen your company’s management, then the Innovative Manager may be the right partner for you.
Entrepreneur Type:
Business Leader of Technology
The Business Leader of Technology (BLT) clearly understands the structure of his or her business and its technological makeup. They are very skilled in developing complex technologies. One of the BLT’s outstanding characteristics is their ability to form a hardworking, enthusiastic team to work with. They are persistent, inventive, careful, and thorough in their business ventures.
One of their weaknesses can be a pronounced perfectionism, as well as a tendency towards excessive criticism. The Business Leader of Technology may tend to present their products logically but dryly, instead of communicating in a more personable and appealing to customers way.
The BLT can encounter difficulties with expanding their market exposure or entering a new business area quickly. The BLT should always keep in mind that their tendency to overanalyze may put the business at risk in situations that require quick change.
The largest comfortable business magnitude for the Business Leader of Technology type: Large
Necessary Steps for Success in Your Business
As a rule, you actively and persistently strive for success. You know how to set practical goals and how to accomplish them on time. However, your perfectionism takes away from your time and resources, and sometimes slows active development in your business.
You easily analyze a given situation. You know that before beginning to work towards your goal, it should be precisely defined. You should define and assess the various ways of accomplishing it. Then, you should choose the most appropriate method. It is a good idea to weigh the positive and negative consequences of achieving your goal before you take action. If, as a result, you decide that the goal is worth pursuing, then implement your plan decisively. You should do this quickly -- if you procrastinate, various circumstances can slow down or stop your goal-completion efforts.
Businesses typical for the Business Leader of Technology may or may not be local. Therefore, it is very important to advertise using mass-media agencies that have access to the largest possible audience. Various Internet advertising tools are very useful for this purpose. For example, sending solicited commercial emails to professionals and other customers is a valuable practice. It is also highly beneficial to keep in contact with potential customers through mail, telephone, or other means of communication.
Make sure to analyze customer needs and design your marketing and advertisement campaign accordingly, to target these needs. Referrals and recommendations from professionals are also essential for the success of your business success, so make sure to use them in your marketing and advertising. Referrals and recommendations can have a serious impact on a customer’s decision to buy your product - in many cases, this is the only way for them to judge the quality of your product. Always be in contact with your customers, and send them catalogues or samples of your latest goods.
It is also important to create and support your business' brand. Give your business a name that reflects your own name, or one that expresses the essence of your company. Develop a logo or a picture that represents your business. Create and run advertisements. Distribute branded pins, fridge magnets, and similar items to your customers. Remember that low sales may be a result of customers' unfamiliarity with the product. Thus, you should continuously promote your goods and carefully analyze customer feedback. This will help you determine whether the reason for low demand is insufficient advertising or a shortage of product.
Keep in mind that you should not push your product too insistently when talking to potential customers. However, it is good to point out your product’s advantages and why it would be especially useful to them. Explain the product's different uses and make recommendations for its maintenance. Give your permanent clients the option of trying your product, free of charge. If customers trust you, they will trust your product too. As a result, they will be much more inclined to buy the product and will very likely come back for another purchase.
As a Business Leader of Technology, you generally prefer starting a new business over acquiring a running enterprise. If you do indeed plan to start a new business, it is very important for you to correctly choose which product to sell. If your business is based on an innovative product of yours, you need to carefully assess the time and tools required for its development and production.
You should carry out a thorough market survey to evaluate your goods’ or service’s sales potential. You need to become familiar with the expenses and income of companies that produce products similar to yours. It is useful to get opinions from experts in the field. You should only make decisions about the needed quantity and overall necessity of investments after thoroughly considering their advice. In general, it is best to invest more in high-quality equipment and employees, and less in the rent of your premises. As a rule, the location of your business is not critical for its success. This is because sales and customer service are usually performed by stores or sales agencies, or you send your goods directly to the customer with a delivery service.
On getting older
Back when I turned seventy and still in Mexico, but living in Chelem in the Yucatan Peninsula, I was reminded of the saying that growing old is a privilege denied to many. It was an age I thought I would never make it to because of the less than ideal way I had lived. I had smoked for most of life, having not started until I was twenty-two and the only time I quit for six months I put on some seventy pounds and was in the worst shape of my life. I had more medical issues and couldn't even walk up a flight of stairs without being out of breath. I had zero stamina and asked my doctor if I should just start smoking again. Of course he disagreed but as soon as I started again I lost the weight over just a few months. My normal weight was usually around one seventy but I had ballooned to two forty after quitting so I was very happy to be back to normal.
This birthday milestone was also the first time I sensed my own mortality because my father had died at eighty-one and my mother had died at eighty-four, so I suddenly realized that I might not have too many years left before I kicked the bucket. Still I didn't feel "old" because I was still in pretty good shape. No aches or pains of any consequence. Although I had been diagnosed as diabetic back in 2004, it was under control. I had started taking insulin in 2011 but my sugars were still pretty normal with my medications and the two insulins I took. Before the disastrous move to Chelem I lived in the Lake Chapala area. I walked more than I ever had in my entire life. I ate better. I danced a lot. I felt pretty good overall. Even after the move I still walked a lot. The little local store in Chelem was several kilometres away and I walked it several times. I also swam in the pool where I was staying. I never got to dance because there was nowhere to go.
After all that happened to me after the move my stress level was off the chart. I had lost one of my pensions after being out of the country for six months so I was really struggling financially. I also was running out of my medications, especially my insulin which cost a fortune in Mexico. At one point I collapsed in Progreso and the EMTs got me to the hospital where they gave me insulin and got me back on my feet. Add that my new landlord had not told me the place was sold so I had to find somewhere to live and couldn't find anywhere and I knew I had no choice but to return to Canada, something I thought I would never do when I first moved to Mexico in September 2017. The first day I arrived in Ajijic I fell in love with the place then two weeks later I met the love of my life and was going to get married and live happily ever after in Mexico. As John Lennon said, "life is what happens while you are making other plans". After a disastrous trip back to Belleville to apply for my visa in Toronto as soon as we got back my fiancée dropped me by text message. It nearly killed me. I cried for days. I thought my life was over and saw no reason to go on. Then all hell broke loose with my idiot landlord in Riberas Del Pilar and I had to move to Chelem. Yet another big mistake.
My appeals for help from everyone including the Canadian Consulate all fell on deaf ears so I had no choice but to try to get flights back to Canada. I had also contacted the President of the housing charity about getting a room in one of the group homes again and he had confirmed that I could move back to the place I had left two years earlier. I only had my measly pensions to buy the flights with so I searched and searched but couldn't find anything. Then one day when, as usual, I found cheaper flights but every time I tried to book them they were sold out, this day I actually booked the flights, to my considerable surprise. It was then that I realized just how bad the flights were. I was flying out of Merida, the closest airport, to Mexico City then to Cancun then to Toronto. I had lengthy layovers and would take more than twenty-four hours to get to Toronto. As bad as the flights were they were even worse when my first flight out of Merida was delayed two hours. By the time I got to Cancun I collapsed at the airport and was rushed to the airport medical centre where they gave me insulin. I fell asleep waiting to board and only caught the flight to Toronto because one of the airline staff found me and got me on the flight at the last minute.
Just before I left Mexico I got an email from the President of the housing corporation telling me that the room he told me I was getting was no longer available. Now I had nowhere to stay when I finally got back to Belleville. Just more stress. I arrived in Toronto close to midnight and had to wait for my bus to Belleville at six thirty in the morning. No one had told me that the bus did not go to the bus terminal in Belleville. Instead it dropped me off in the middle of nowhere at a truck stop off the 401. It was a twenty dollar cab ride into town and I didn't have any money. Luckily I called a friend and she rescued me. I called the Emergency Housing line and was put up in a motel. By the time I got to the CHMA office to apply for housing I was a total mess. Although they promised to find me a room they insisted that I first go to the hospital which I did. My sugars were off the charts, above thirty and I should have died, but after five days in the hospital they brought them down and released me.
This was all in November of 2019, before the virus hit. I went through a nightmare with getting my pension reinstated, leaving me with not enough to pay my room rent and I was threatened with eviction to the street the next day but I managed to get help from the local housing authority and avoided getting thrown out, but it was close. Physically I was okay now that I got my meds again, but mentally my stress level was killing me. I didn't know how much more I could take. Then I got really sick and spent five days in bed which didn't help. When I finally got better my friend took me to the Legion in Trenton every Saturday so I got to dance again. I knew I didn't have the same energy level as I did when I danced for hours several nights a week, but I managed. Then the virus hit and the world stopped.
For fifteen months now I haven't done a thing. When I lived in Belleville before going to Mexico I was very active. More in the summer than the winter but I still danced every week. I went to the concerts in the park every Wednesday and Sunday and danced. I went to the Waterfront Festival every day. I worked the Elvis Festival in Tweed. I went down to Kingston quite a few weekends with a guy that lived at the home. We went to the Provincial parks often to spend the day at the beach. I wasn't getting a lot of exercise but it was all something. It all ended with the virus. Not only was I not getting any exercise but I was also bored out of my mind. Although I had more than my share of challenges in Mexico there was always a sense of adventure every day. Now there was nothing. I literally could feel myself wasting away physically and mentally. Soon I had a host of new aches and pains. My peripheral neuropathy in my feet suddenly became so painful that even walking was difficult. The bone spur in my shoulder which I had not been able to get surgery for before going to Mexico now suddenly ached all the time. Even my skin became so dry that I looked like the elephant man. The various creams I had used stopped working. I had new balance issues and nearly fell in the shower. My vision got worse and I had to get new glasses, which I could ill afford.
When I finally got moved out of the group home to my own apartment it's across the road from the YMCA. I figured I would join and at least be able to use their pool to get some much needed exercise but, of course, it's been closed for a while and now even if they reopen I'm told that the pool will not open this year. There goes that plan. There's talk of things like the Legion dances starting up again but I don't know how long it's going to take me to be able to dance again. All the concerts and festivals are cancelled. Even the parks are limited but I don't know anyone who drives now so I have no way to get anywhere.
For most of my adult life from my first real job on I was the proverbial workaholic, usually working fifty or sixty hours a week at least and during the sixteen years that I did consulting often many more hours. I remember billing ninety-six hours in one week alone. Makes you wonder when I slept. After I moved out West to be with my mother in 1993 I was determined to get a better work life balance. Right away I had bought a boat but that got stolen and set on fire the first week I arrived back in the Okanagan. I did join the local racquetball club, the Courtplex, where I met a lot of new friends. I started hiking in the mountains around Kelowna and, of course, started dirt-biking with my Dad. Over the course of my fourteen years in the valley I was incredibly active. In the summer I swam, dirt-biked around Kelowna and Revelstoke, water-skied, hiked, danced at the Corral, biked the Kettle Valley Railroad, ran a roller-blading club most Sundays, and even paraglided. In the winter I downhill skied, snowmobiled around Kelowna but mostly in Revelstoke, still ran the hiking club despite the snow, danced three nights a week at the Corral, and, most importantly, got into cross country skiing at Telemark. My friend Brian Wall had got me started and at first I couldn't quite see why I would do it, but then once I discovered the rhythm I loved it! I also learned why those NordicTrack machines are so popular because I was never in better shape in my life. My stamina was top notch. Despite still smoking my lung capacity was tested at the Courtplex and I was in the top three percent of Canadian males. They had me do the test three times because they couldn't believe it. Of course that lifestyle all ended when I went to Panama and I would never again be in such good shape, physically or mentally.
As much as being so out of shape now, feeling so old and dealing with the stress of being poor is not great, nothing is worse than the emotional pain of not being in love and being cut off from my family. My twenty-three year marriage was a total disaster because the girl I fell in love with at first sight never loved me back. I tried and tried to make it better. A better house. A better car. For her, a better job. At one point she even went off the pill without telling me and we had a daughter, but nothing changed. Then she killed our unborn child without even talking to me first and I sure knew that my marriage was over. It was only on the very last day we were together, sitting in the house that had sold, that she talked for hours about what a terrible wife she had been and taking full responsibility for the failure of our marriage, but it was too late. It was over.
Over the years since my divorce (for child abandonment according to her lawyer. Yeah, right) I've certainly had girl friends, girlfriends and came close to getting married again. As much as I thought I was in love with my ex from the start I didn't really know what love felt like until I met Tracy. We were awesome together despite our age difference of twenty-two years, that was until her girlfriends from school started asking her what would happen when I was seventy. That ended the relationship. She asked me to move out, although she did say it might be the biggest mistake she ever made, and it nearly broke me. Not only was I so hopelessly in love with her but I also loved her three kids. It was a very bad breakup. Next came Magaly in Panama. Again she was much younger than me, plus she didn't speak a word of English, but we got along. It was very hard to leave her when I was forced back to Canada. Back in London, Ontario I never had so much as a girlfriend. In Cotacachi, Ecuador I met Patricia and had a very romantic and lustful short relationship and after I was forced back to Canada, again, she wanted me to come back and marry her. We couldn't do the long distance thing though and soon she just wanted money, so that was over. Same love drought when I came to Belleville. Nobody special, then off I went to Mexico.
In a short two weeks I met the proverbial love of my life, Elba. As much I thought I had been in unconditional love before, I was wrong. Over the months we were together we were so very much in love. We kissed all the time and told each other we loved each other all the time. We lived together. We danced. We talked for hours upon hours even though my Spanish was a little rough. People who saw us out together always commented on how they had never seen a couple more in love than us. We got engaged on New Year's Eve to the congratulations of many of our friends. Her very large family welcomed me with open arms and constantly asked why we weren't married already? I had already booked my return trip to Canada but now it was going to be to apply to the consulate for my visa to come back to Mexico. To my surprise Elba wanted to come with me and offered to pay her own airfare when I told her I couldn't afford it. It turned out to be the trip from hell with everything from screwed up flights to it being freezing back in Belleville. I was so glad to finally get back to Mexico, that is until Elba said she was not coming back to Ajijic the night we got back. Then she sent me a text message telling me that the relationship was terminated. It broke me and I saw no point in going on.
Back when when I left for BC to be with my mother who had fifth stage melanoma and had been given less than six months to live I didn't know that it would be the last time I would ever see my wonderful daughter, Heather. Way back in 1994 I drove across the country in the dead of winter to see her after talking to her on the phone and she wanted to see me. Instead my ex and her new husband hid Heather away and wouldn't let me see her. I tried for three weeks but failed and drove back to BC crying all the way.
My son, Christopher, had three daughters, only one of which, Danielle, I had ever met, but when she was just a baby. Back in 2009 when he and I connected in London, Ontario he was going to set up a time and place for me to meet his other two daughters, Marissa and Mackenzie, but after three months getting nowhere he sold his phone and blocked me on Facebook. When she was fourteen Mackenzie connected with me on Facebook Messenger and she was so angry at her parents for not letting her make her own decision to talk to me. We chatted back and forth for a while and then she said she was coming to Puerto Villarta for a friend's wedding and she wanted to meet. I was so excited! But she stopped talking to me, never said anything about meeting, refused to answer my pleas on Messenger and has now blocked me. I had posted a photo of the three granddaughters on my website and Danielle sent me the most horrible message on Messenger telling me not to try to talk to anyone in the family. Throughout all of this, like the twenty-eight years my daughter has not spoken to me, I have begged and pleaded, as have many friends over the years, to understand why everyone cut me off. I think even child molesters and murderers are treated better. No one was stronger on family values than me. Back when Chris and I connected I asked how his Mum was and he said he didn't know because he hadn't talked to her in six months! When I asked Mackenzie how her sister were she said she had nothing to do with them! What the hell kind of family is this? It all makes me SO sad and there's not a day goes by that I don't think about my kids and grandkids. I pray that I find out why they've all cut me out of their lives before I die.
I've never felt so old, unloved and forgotten.
Family - A Matter of Record
Over the last far too many years friends have known how my family has has fallen apart, mostly for reasons I will never understand despite begging for answers. With the current virus situation and me being at great risk as a senior, seventy-one years old, a diabetic and a smoker, I could go at any time, so I thought it best to do a post about my family, mess that it is. I've maintained this personal website for some fifteen years but I have no clue if anyone in my family ever reads anything or cares. As stupid a`s it may be I'd like to think that if something happens to me then someone in my family will want to know about me. When my granddaughter, Mackenzie, first contacted me years ago she was most upset that her parents hadn't told her about me. She said that the decision to contact me was hers, not theirs. That being said shortly after we were planning to meet when she came to a friend's wedding in Puerto Villarta she suddenly joined the family members who had cut me off and never spoke to me again.
So, let me start with my birth family. My Dad was Donald Lloyd Jones, nicknamed Jimmy to everyone except his own family, originally from Innisfail, Alberta. My mother was Alice Joyce Jones, known as Joy, maiden name Hardy from Toronto, Ontario. My Dad's family all lived out West so I knew very little about them. I did meet my grandfather one time, but I don't even remember his name. My grandmother on my Dad's side died of diabetes at a very young age, something like fifty-six. My grandmother on my mother's side was Jenny Hardy and she lived with us for several years on the farm in Streetsville. She died at eighty-six. My mother's sister, Ann, live in Georgetown, Ontario so she spent a fair bit of time with both my birth family and later with my own. Sad to say I don't remember when we lost her but it was shortly after she was planning to come out West to visit my mother. After I moved out west to be with my mother I did meet some of my Dad's five brothers. My Uncle Earl lived in Kelowna so we saw him a fair amount. I also met his brother Roy who spent the winters with my folks in Yuma but maybe saw him once in Westbank. He died in Yuma and my father got his Honda Accord and the fifth wheel they lived in which Roy owned. My mother had two brothers, Uncle Cliff and Uncle Frank. Uncle Cliff was a real card and always fun to be with. He played the piano and always put on a show. His daughter, Joan, is the only member of my family who still talks to me. Every Christmas the family met at Uncle Frank and Aunt Daisy's place in Toronto. That would have been when I was in my early teens. Christmas was also the time that I learned all the cousins I had, most of which I barely knew. Frank and Daisy had three kids, Bobby, Donna and I forget the older boy's name. Probably like many families there were all kinds of kids who weren't actually blood related.
I had one sister, Wendy Jean, and one brother, Kevin James. My sister was seven years younger than me and my brother was younger than her, although I can't remember how much younger. I've covered what happened with both of them in another detailed post so I won't repeat it all here. Let's just say that I have nothing to do with either one of them for very good reason. My sister was married to Ron Kupser and they had two kids, Krystal and Ryan. Krystal was a real sweetheart and we always got along. The last time I had any contact with her was after her mother killed my mother and I couldn't even go to her memorial because I wanted to kill my sister for what she had done. Krystal hasn't made any attempt to contact me so I guess she's never forgiven me. Ryan was a real piece of work and drove his parents nuts. He had a party at their house when they were away and destroyed their kitchen. He ran up a five thousand dollar phone bill talking to some girl in Japan. I'm pretty sure that he spent some time in jail as well. He did stop by when I was renovated the place in Westbank. It was not great because he spent the time telling me that his mother thought that my caring for my mother for a year and a half was nothing. She soon learned exactly how tough it was when she pulled her out of the long term care place it had taken me eight months to get her in. She couldn't handle it.
So on to my family. I met who was to become my wife, Janice. Her father was Ray, a gentle and nice man who unfortunately suffered a heart attack and died at only fifty years old. We always got along. Her mother was Marion who was a pretty quiet soul herself. Janice had two brothers, Gord and Douglas. Gord married someone whose name I've forgotten and they had a daughter. Doug married Karen and they had two kids, I believe, one a son named Raymond in honor of his grandfather and a daughter, Candice. Gord had a daughter whose name I believe was Michelle. Gord had a massive brain aneurysm at something like forty-six years old and died. Doug apparently had major drug problems later in life and died. Ray and Marion looked after both our kids when they were babies up until they went to preschool. My fondest memory of my father-in-law was after our daughter, Heather, had had her surgery to repair her cleft lip at Sick Kid's Hospital in Toronto, and she fell at their place. He called me in an obvious panic and when I got there he had Heather in his arms. As soon as she saw me she broke out in a big smile which basically meant that her face separated. Off we went back down to Sick Kid's for yet another operation. My mother-in-law was basically involved in my ultimate decision to leave my marriage. First she had offered to pay for my son, Chris, to go on a European hockey tournament trip that he had been invited to join. After he had lied to me and not gone to school in Toronto for three weeks I told him the trip was off. I still remember being on the phone on the lower level of our then townhouse arguing with my ex and my mother-in-law about him not going. I had to put my foot down and he didn't go. Then to my considerable shock my ex said she and her mother were going to a hospital in Toronto to have an abortion. She hadn't even told me she was pregnant, let alone asked me about whether to have the child or not. I was furious and knew that my marriage was over. To this day, especially with the things I am going to tell you, I have always wondered if this was the kid who would be close to me.
My son, Christopher Michael, was born March 27th, 1970 on a very stormy night. From the start, at about age five, he showed real hockey talent. For the next ten years he played on rep teams all seasons. He also played in a summer league for several years. At a tournament in Thornhill I was approached by a scout who first told me that it was illegal for him to talk to Chris because he was too young to be drafted. He did say that based on what he had seen he was going to offer Chris a five year scholarship at MIT, something back then was probably worth about fifty grand. When Chris was ready to play Junior B we took him t the tryouts for the Streetsville Derbys where there were more than three hundred kids trying out. Having watched my son for ten years I knew that he played best when they had to come from behind. I spoke to the coach, gave him my assurances that Chris would not sign with anyone else, but said not to sign Chris until the last night of tryouts. Despite agreeing to that Chris came out of the dressing room that first night, thrilled that he had been signed. I knew it was the beginning of the end. Not two weeks later he told me he wanted to quit paying hockey. He had lost his drive. Many years later he asked me why I "let" him quit hockey? He obviously gave up the scholarship and was making minimum wage at a local warehouse, for which he blamed me. I said I couldn't put the skates on. He had to maintain a seventy-five percent average to qualify for York University which for him would have been a stretch. He was never an A student. Without that burning desire to excel playing hockey he would never have made the NHL, something he was more than qualified to do. I reminded him the thousands of dollars we had spent travelling around the country for ten years for his hockey and that he was supposed to repay us when he signed his NHL contract. For whatever reason we fell apart for many years until he contacted me in London, Ontario saying he was going to be working in London and wanted to meet. That turned into a total disaster and we only spent forty-five minutes together at a Tim's. Shortly after when he had agreed for me to meet his three daughters, my grandkids, there was nothing for three months. I called him but someone else answered his phone saying they had bought it off him. Then he blocked me on Facebook and we haven't talked since.
My daughter, Heather Tyrell, was the golden child. She made me so proud. She had no interest in hockey but she did play soccer and she was quite good at it. Compared to hockey I was not really much of a soccer fan but I did enjoy watching her play. I have so many fond memories of her. We had the best father daughter relationship. Unlike her brother I had never had a moment of trouble disciplining her, other than when she spent the night at her friend's place and got drunk. She ended up in hospital with alcohol poisoning and learned her lesson. We drove home in silence and when she aske if I was going to say anything to her I asked if I needed to? She said no. I did slap her face once when she called her mother a bitch but that was as far as discipline went with her. When she and Chris came out west for three weeks if was the best time of our lives. Sadly, when they were ready to leave she broke my heart by telling me to stay out west. She said she had never seen me happier. She knew my marriage was over. She would come and visit me again. It broke my heart that my twelve year old daughter wanted to be apart from me. I cried for three hours. When my mother was diagnosed with fifth stage melanoma and given six months to live and I moved out west to be with her it was the hardest moment of my life when I left Heather. Back then I did believe that she would come out to visit me though. Had I known that she would never talk to me again for what has now been twenty-seven years, I don't know if I would have moved. To this day I don't know why she cut me off. Over these many years many friends, often girlfriends, tried to get her to talk to me again, but they all failed. It breaks my heart every single day.
Although technically not "family" I do have another blood related son. Andrew. His mother, Pat, and I got involved when I was in the house band at the old Club Bluenote in Toronto. Over the years I've tried to reconnect with him but he has chosen not to be involved with me.
Moving again
For most of my adult life the one consistent factor has been moving. From the many houses we bought, renovated and sold during my married life of twenty-three years to my first major move out West in 1993 to be with my then dying mother there was no shortage of moves. During my fourteen years in the Okanagan I moved several times, most often moving in with various girlfriends and before and after caring for my mother. My last move in BC was to the disaster that was my renovation in Princess which I have detailed in another post. When everything fell apart on me and my doctor said I had to get away from all the stress or I would have a heart attack this was the start of my foreign moves.
After months of research my first international move was to Boquete, Panama. Back then it was a combination of good weather, lower cost of living, doing something where I could make money, and finding somewhere in the mountains maybe as beautiful as the Okanagan. Boquete was a mixture of good and bad, mostly bad after the horrible renovation of Vista Grande which left me penniless and I was forced to return to Canada and had a roof over my head thanks to my cousin in Toronto. After wearing out my welcome at her place I followed a lady I had met and fallen in love with to London, Ontario. That quickly fell apart on me and I lived everywhere from my car to several homeless shelters, finally ending up in my own apartment on Hale where I lived for several years. As I approached retirement age I again searched for somewhere warmer and where I could continue to work to make extra money.
This time, again after much research, I went to Cotacachi, Ecuador. This move started off better than Boquete, Panama but just as quickly turned into a disaster. That was mostly because I got screwed by my own government. Despite assurances before I left Canada that my GIS pension would be deposited it wasn't, leaving me more and more desperate for six months. By the time it finally came through I was already booked to come back to Canada, this time to Belleville. At the time I had no idea how much Belleville was going to be part of my future. After nearly freezing to death in Frankford and having a breakdown at the Salvation Army in Belleville I ended up in the first of what would be several transitional houses in Belleville, the first being on Murney. From there I moved back and forth between Forin and Victoria, now part of All-Together Housing.
As my one year tenancy was about to expire plus my room rent had gone up a hundred dollars I again started looking for somewhere to go, again warmer and escape the Canadian winter, lower cost of living and where I could work to make some extra money. This time I knew that my GIS pension would end after six months out of the country so I had to find a way to replace this income. I thought I did. Before going I had connected with a guy in Ajijic, the place I was going, and asked about the city portal sites I had built. He said there was nothing there like that and I would have no problem earning an extra five hundred a month to replace my lost pension. That proved to be so wrong.
Although Ajijic turned out to be my favorite place, far better than Panama or Ecuador, things soon fell apart on me again. At one point the government suspended all my pensions, leaving me thirty-three cents in the bank for three weeks. After that my landlord, the landlord from hell, put my rent up two thousand pesos (about a hundred and twenty dollars) and wanted it paid in advance. This led to the worst decision I ever made when I moved to Chelem in the Yucatan Peninsula when I was offered a month's free rent. Just made a bad situation all the worse and again I was forced to come back to Canada.
After nearly not surviving the flights back the room I thought I had available with All-Together Housing was not available after all. I ended up in emergency housing who put me in a motel in Trenton. The next few days were just horrible, shunting me from various Comfort Inns to the reserve and finally to the CMHA who insisted I go to the hospital first because my sugars were off the charts. After five days in hospital I was moved back into a different room at Murney. Within a week I was then moved to Dunbar where I stayed until moving back to Forin in April of last year. I was then on the Emergency Housing list for my own place.
In September of last year I was told that a place was available on Turnbull but because of the virus situation I couldn't get anything I needed for my own place, from a bed to all the things I needed. These would normally be available from St. Vincent de Paul or the Salvation Army, but they were both shutdown because of the pandemic. After some back and forth with Housing it was agreed that I could not move; however, I would still not lose my position on the housing list. Then in January I was advised that an apartment at 50 Rollins Drive would be available March 15th. Shortly after I visited the apartment and it looked fine. It would be my first time living in what was a senior's complex and it was disappointing that all the normal activities were all shutdown because of the virus. The apartment was small but at least it would finally be my own place. Progress!
After all the troubles at Forin I was relieved to get out of there, but all hope of ever moving somewhere warmer and with that spirit of adventure that I had experienced so many times before was all gone. Not only was I going to be stuck in Belleville, the last place in the world I ever thought I would live, but I would be facing another Canadian winter, something I thought I had left behind. Belleville is the least scenic place I've ever lived since going to BC, but the virus makes it all the worse. When I lived here before I had friends who took me everywhere from Kingston on summer weekends, to various provincial parks, to local festivals like the Elvis Festival in Tweed, to the Belleville Waterfront Festival, to dancing every week in Belleville and Trenton and simple day trips. Since the virus hit I've done absolutely nothing other than work at home and the occasional shopping trip. Total boredom! I can only hope that things get better post virus. As a hopeless romantic I will never give up on meeting someone to share my life. I am also planning to join the YMCA across the road to quit smoking and get in better shape. I also have my bike that I have yet to ride and I'm now close to the nice paths along the lake.
For well over twenty years I've always hoped that things got better. Moving to BC gave me the best fourteen years of my life. Even though Panama and Ecuador both ended in turmoil there were some good parts. Mexico was the one place I thought I would live out the rest of my life in, especially when I met the love of my life and was going to get married. Getting dumped by text message came far too close to ending it all for me and I'm lucky I survived. For now I have to accept where I am and focus on some way to earn enough money to go back to Mexico. I refuse to give up on my dreams.
Gallery - Messenger Women
For some unknown reason, maybe call it just good luck, for the last few months I have been friended by numerous twenty something girls on Facebook and they all share some very nice photos, some of which you would call “private”. I end up chatting with some of them, many for hours at a time. The first thing I do in our chats is share my photo, which always leads to the question of how old I am. I respond with old as dirt and when they ask again I tell them to guess. It’s good for my ego that not one of them has guessed over mid-fifties and they are usually shocked when I tell them I’m seventy-one. Of course some of them chat for a while and then ask me for gift cards, which I won’t do, both as a matter of principle and because I can’t afford it. The result is that I lose some of them because all they are just looking for is money. A few ask for money to send me naked photos, but I won’t do that either.
The Impossible Dream
It’s been forever since a woman got to me like this
From that first photo it’s been pure bliss
She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen
How it would progress could not be foreseen
Much younger than me she clearly was
But I couldn’t let that stop me because
She was my dream girl in so many ways
Every photo of her set my heart ablaze
That she wanted to chat just astounded me
She said she liked me, how could this be?
She thanked me for ”being here for her”
Being really together is what I’d prefer
Her gorgeous hair, her beautiful face
That glorious figure I’d love to embrace
The more we chatted my feelings grew
But that this was crazy I certainly knew
How could a vision like her ever be with me?
There’s simply no chance of ever being “we”
The very thought of her makes my chest swell
No question this girl has me under her spell
She makes me so happy with what she says
She’s simply beyond perfect in so many ways
Every man has a vision of his “dream girl”
Someone who sets his heart in a whirl
Absolutely no question this girl is that for me
Can I stop thinking of her? That will never be
Just to meet her would be a huge thrill
One small part of my dream she’s fulfill
I pray she forgives me for wanting more
My lusting comments she needs to ignore
That I was younger, handsome and rich
Good enough for her life to enrich
Simple things like just walking hand in hand
Would make me the happiest man in the land
My mind races at the thought of a kiss
Boy would that ever be pure bliss!
Impossible not to think about making love
Now there’s the perfect gift from above
But even God says, “hey, you stupid man”
Where’d you get the idea this was the plan?
It’s far too late for you to think this way
She’s far too special. There won’t be a day
When she would ever settle for you at all
You’ll only get hurt when you surely fall
The best you can hope for is the “dreaded friends”
That’s where all this crazy stuff clearly ends
Just be thankful she came into your life
Forget stupid dreams of being your wife
She’s a real catch and one day she’ll find
The man of her dreams leaving you behind
She’s too sweet to be cruel about it
But even a good friend has to admit
That is what is will never change
Believing it’s not would be very strange
So enjoy it while it lasts, lucky guy
And never stop to question why
She came into your life for a reason
Or maybe it’s just for a season
Regardless, enjoy every minute you share
And make sure she knows how much you care
Accept that no one like Chloe will ever come again
That she got to you so much no one can explain.
But the memories of her will endure
Of the love for her you’re totally sure
Abortion - A complicated issue
"The abortion debate is the ongoing controversy surrounding the moral, legal, and religious status of induced abortion. In English-speaking countries, the sides involved in the debate are the self-described "pro-choice" and "pro-life" movements. "Pro-choice" emphasizes the right of women to decide whether to terminate a pregnancy. "Pro-life" emphasizes the right of the embryo or fetus to gestate to term and be born. Both terms are considered loaded in mainstream media, where terms such as "abortion rights" or "anti-abortion" are generally preferred. Each movement has, with varying results, sought to influence public opinion and to attain legal support for its position.
For many people, abortion is essentially a morality issue, concerning the commencement of human personhood, the rights of the fetus, and a woman's right over her own body. The debate has become a political and legal issue in some countries with anti-abortion campaigners seeking to enact, maintain and expand anti-abortion laws, while abortion-rights campaigners seek to repeal or ease such laws while expanding access to abortion. Abortion laws vary considerably between jurisdictions, ranging from outright prohibition of the procedure to public funding of abortion. The availability of safe abortion also varies across the world."
The recent birth of Molly has reignited the debate over frozen embryos. When Molly Gibson was born in October of this year, it was 27 years in the making. Her embryo was frozen in October 1992, and stayed that way until February 2020, when Tina and Ben Gibson of Tennessee adopted it. Molly is believed to have set a new record for the longest-frozen embryo to have resulted in a birth, breaking a record set by her older sister, Emma.
There are an estimated one million frozen embryos in the United States alone right now. If you're somebody who believes life begins at conception, you might see a potential tragedy. If you’re somebody who has long been struggling with infertility, you might wish that someone, somewhere, would send one your way. If you’re a clinic or storage facility, you might see a logistical struggle. And if you’re a former patient of IVF to whom one or more of those embryos belong, you might see indecision, an unyielding maybe that you can avoid dealing with for the not insignificant cost of approximately $1500 per year.
The options with leftover embryos are to use it themselves (an option that might now really even be on the table for those scrambling to raise other kids). Donate them to another infertile couple. Allow them to be used for scientific research. Or simply thaw and discard them. This has raised the debate over whether destroying them is abortion. Those that believe that life begins at conception argue that this should be criminalized. In the US the recent appointment of Judge Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court has raised concerns among pro-choice advocates because of her previously expressed opinions.
"Barrett signed newspaper ad in 2006 sponsored by St Joseph County Right to Life, an extreme anti-choice group
Barrett signed newspaper ad that called Roe v Wade ‘barbaric’
Stephanie Kirchgaessner in Washington
@skirchy
Thu 1 Oct 2020 13.45 BST
6,257
Amy Coney Barrett publicly supported an organization in 2006 that has said life begins at fertilization. It has also said that the discarding of unused or frozen embryos created in the in vitro fertilization (IVF) process ought to be criminalized, a view that is considered to be extreme even within the anti-abortion movement."
"So, what then? When might we reasonably say that personhood begins?
"A starting point that is far more consistent with the facts of biology is not conception but the emergence of the human brain. We declare persons dead when their brains have lost the capacity to govern the core functions necessary for life—breathing, excretion, and the like. When a fetus has developed a brain that can support its basic biological functions, probably at around six months of life, it can be reasonably argued that personhood has begun.
Those in the personhood movement in the United States have let their animus toward abortion blind them to the facts that have emerged about human embryology over the past fifty years. And scientists, sadly, have been unwilling to correct them. Conception is the start of something, but it is more the start of the possible rather than the actual. It is not until a being emerges that has the traits necessary for individual existence that we can and should say that a person has begun. How law and public policy want to handle that fact is still debatable. But to ask the law to treat embryos as persons from the moment of conception is to head down a path where the facts ought not permit anyone to go."
Beyond the moral, ethical, political, and legal issue about when does life begin, with the answer to that then affecting abortions, for me it is a very personal argument.
My son, Christopher, was born in 1970. My daughter, Heather, was born in 1977. Both wonderful kids. The loves of my life. Sometime after Heather was born I noticed that my ex-wife was not getting ready as usual to go to work. When I asked what was going on she responded that she was going to Toronto with her mother to Sick Kids Hospital to have an abortion. Needles to say I was shocked because she hadn't said a word to me about being pregnant. My first reaction was to question why she didn't need my agreement before aborting our child? She said it was her decision alone and did not involve me! Admittedly I didn't know the law but I just knew this was wrong. She obviously wasn't giving me any choice in the matter and it was too late to challenge her decision. It was very upsetting to say the least. One thought that I did have was that this was a clear indication that my marriage was over.
After the solarium company went down I just had to get away. I left home with no idea where I was going but when I got to Dryden I realized that I was half way across Canada and could keep going to see my parents. Shortly after my son and daughter came out for a three week vacation. The best time of my life until the day they had to go back to Brampton. Heather told me to stay out west. She said she had never seen me happier and knew that I had tried so hard, but my marriage was over. It broke my heart, I couldn't stand the thought of leaving her so I drove back home. A big mistake. Then in 1991 I got a phone call that changed my life forever. My mother had been diagnosed with fifth stage melanoma and given less than a five percent chance of surviving more than six months. Having been apart for more than twenty years I knew that I had to go to BC to be with her. I took a flight out the next day. Miraculously they caught my mother's cancer before it reached her lymph nodes so she was given more time. Finally after even more stress in my marriage I realized it was time to leave. I had left home a year earlier but I was still paying for everything and my wife wasn't even working. I told her we were done. I also wanted to spend whatever time my mother had left with her. In June of 1993 my parents drove down to Brampton with me. The house was sold and my Dad was going to sell off all my tools and things. The day I left my daughter was one of the toughest days of my life, but the plan was for her to come out and visit me again so I didn't know that it would be the last time I would ever see her again. The following year after talking to her I drove across the country in the dead of winter to see her but my ex and her new husband hid her away from me and wouldn't let me see her. It broke my heart and I cried all the way on the drive home to BC. That was twenty-six years ago and my daughter refused to respond to me despite numerous attempts to contact her. I saw my son briefly back in 2009 and we made plans for me to meet my three granddaughters but that fell apart after three months of waiting and he blocked me on Facebook and sold his phone.
The point in all of that is that I can't help but wonder about that possible third child. Would that son or daughter be the one who loved her father? Would we have had a life together? Would she maybe have gone with me on my travels? Maybe they would even be able to mend my broken relationships with my kids and grandkids. Would I still have a family that I cherished so much?
Quite obviously it changed my feelings on abortion when it became personal. Before that I agreed to abortion in cases of rape, incest or when there was an danger to the mother. I also agreed with pro-choice that it is a woman's right to control her own body; however, in cases like mine I also believe that it should be a mutual decision between a man and wife. I don't know if I had the right to object before my ex had the abortion or what the result would have been if we had not agreed, particularly given that our marriage was in big trouble at the time. Her killing our unborn child has obviously had brutal consequences for me and raised many other issues had she not gone ahead with the abortion. Still, I live with huge regrets and the unknown.
Diana Krall
Diana has always been one of my favourite artists. Back when I was building my music library I found a site in Russia that had almost every song she had ever recorded at the time, and I downloaded them all. When it’s time to relax I play them over and over. I’ve never been lucky enough to see her live but that’s on my bucket list for sure.
As a child, Krall played classical piano, sang in a church choir, and learned to play and sing the Fats Waller songs in her father’s record collection. She began playing piano professionally at age 15 and later studied at the Berklee College of Music in Boston and privately with jazz pianist Jimmy Rowles. Performing in the United States and Canada, she developed a repertoire that included subtle, sophisticated songs and spare accompaniment—a cool jazz rhythm section featuring her own piano, occasionally augmented by discreet string-orchestra backgrounds.
Renovations - Princess
It's said that life is timing. No truer statement could be made about this massive renovation. I was on my way into Kelowna to pay the balance of my first month's rent on a basement apartment I didn't care much for, when, for some unknown reason I checked my email. There was an email from my Realtor telling me about a place in the Princess MHP that was about to go into default and he suggested, although it was a mess, I could probably just takeover the existing loan and renovate the place. I met him there and, well, there rest is history, none of it good.
When I first moved in I wish I had taken more pictures of what I found on closer inspection, but let's just say I ended up pretty well gutting it, redesigning the layout and completely rebuilding it from the ground up. About the only thing I didn't touch was much of the exterior cladding mostly because it was in good condition and fit in with my planned colour scheme.
They had two massive dogs who had basically destroyed whatever lawn there may have been at one time. What little work had been done was very shoddy. When I leaned against the railing on the deck they had it started to collapse and I nearly fell off. They only things that was done right were the two additions, one at the front right with what could be two bedrooms and one at the back with a bedroom and a bathroom.
The reno of the kitchen was total with all new plumbing, electrical, walls, new appliances, flooring and cabinets.
Originally there were two bathrooms, the "fish" bathroom which was the main bathroom in the original unit, and the bathroom in the add-on part at the back. Although I intended to demolish and replace the "fish" bathroom with a new bathroom location, I thought the bathroom in the add-on only required maybe a repaint and replacing the vanity. Boy was I wrong!
It looked like the taps had been leaking in the bathroom because the backboard had been cut out to make repairs. I intended to install a one-piece shower/bathtub unit so the cut-out around the taps wasn't really a factor, but I just wasn''t comfortable just covering it up without making sure it didn't still leak. It did, so we started pulling off the plywood to find the source of the leak. Soon we were down to the sub floor and there was evidence that it was wet. To our considerable shock, when we went outside after running the taps there was water dripping on the external wall. There was also some evidence that the studs had been wet because there was blackening on the bottom. It was becoming more obvious that this was not going to be a cosmetic fix and would require demolition and rebuild.
Once we had removed the vanity and the bathtub we went to remove the old vinyl flooring. Naturally I was hoping it would come up in one piece, so Chris and I got a hold of one side and gave it a tug and it did come up in one piece. To my horror the vinyl and the floor was covered in obvious black mold! I grabbed Chris and we ran outside. It was too late to worry that we should have had breathers on or, better yet, called the HazMat team in. The damage had been done.
With breathers on we removed the sub floor and bleached all the walls and floor joists where we had seen any mold. The plumbing all came out and was replaced with new. All together my minor cosmetic fix cost me several thousand dollars. Just proves you never know what will happen when you start a demo. There's often secrets lurking in those walls.
The Exterior
It's hard to describe just how bad the place was from the outside. It was either damaged or broken down everywhere. No question the place was an eyesore in the park. The first job was to demo pretty well everything. The shed, although in pretty rough shape and empty on the inside, was structurally sound. It had a door opening on the back which made no sense to me because it would only be perfect back there for break-ins. I knew from the start that I would need a place for all my tools and to work because there would be nowhere in the house for this, plus I was trying to live there through all of this. Although I seemed to always be working on a million things at once, I did find time to reclad the shed and build in some great shelving and a workbench. In no time at all it was full.
In general the exterior of the house wasn't too bad, with most of the cladding in good shape. The one exception was at the entrance where they had put the BBQ too close to the vinyl siding and it had melted. I was most concerned about the first impression of the place so this is where I focused on making it look better. The first major job was to remove the old, broken patio door and replace it with the french doors, which made a huge first impression. Then we built the stairs and railings. Then we added a window to make the living room brighter. Then we re-clad this part of the place with new board and the horizontal boards in the highlight colour. Some new eaves-trough and downspouts and some flowers and things looked pretty good.
I might mention that the concrete pad we added was the first time I had ever done this kind of work. I researched it on the internet plus I had help from a guy in the park who saw what I was trying to do and helped me out lending me some finishing tools. I was pretty proud of the job I'd done when it was finished.
I should also mention that there were a number of areas that it looked like it was going to be a problem growing grass. Some of the areas were also out of sight, like the side of the place along the road, so I wanted to make it as maintenance free as possible. I got the idea of creating what looked like a dry riverbed down the side and around the front. What I didn't realize at design time was just how many rocks this was going to take. I think the first full dump truck load was something like 20 yards and that's a whole lot of rocks. I figured that by the time I was finished doing the whole property I had moved and placed about fifteen thousand rocks in total. Yeah, grass might have been easier.
