Family - Mom, Dad, Brother and Sister

Cover of an NDP brochure
At Ontario Place

Well, this is a post I've been musing about for years now. I said that this site was mostly for my kids and I would add, grandkids as well, I guess although they all think that I am dead. For someone like me who believes so strongly in the value of family it's been very tough to end up like this. My birth family was like most people I think, and only kind of fell apart when my parents decided to move out West back in 1970. My brother and sister were young, but we had shared a lot of good times at the farm in Streetsville, mostly because we were in the middle of nowhere and only had each other to play with. I came "this close" to moving out West with them but I met my future wife and stayed in Brampton. That didn't work out all that well but I didn't know that at the time. I was truly in love and figured I would be married for the rest of my life. Didn't happen.

At Ontario Place

My Dad was a tough disciplinarian who believed in that adage, "spare the rod, spoil the child" meaning that if you don't discipline you will end up with spoiled brats. Despite how often I felt the pain of the strap I begrudgingly admit that my Dad was right. You need to learn that screwing up has consequences. My dumbest move has to be actually giving him an answer when he asked me, rhetorically, of course, "how many times do I need to tell you?" That one was particularly painful. Although my father was a very strict guy he failed to balance it off with any love. Not until he had had a complete nervous breakdown years after moving out West and I had moved out West to be with my mum for the years she might have left did he actually tell me he loved me. I had also never seen him cry until the day he got the phone call from the hospital telling him that my Mum's cancer had not spread to her lymph nodes and she might live a little longer than expected originally. He fell apart crying like a baby at the news. It was a very emotional moment for all of us. Speaking of which he gave me the most emotional moment in my life when he died.

The day went like many others. I was at their place helping Dad and he had been bugging me all day to help move the boat anchor. The water level rose in the spring so the anchor, which was tied to a tire, had to be moved out for the boat to be anchored to it. Although it was late May, the water was still pretty cold so I was in no rush to move the anchor this particular day. Dad had been drinking all day as usual so he just kept bugging me to do it and I finally gave in. He got the tools and we headed out to the anchor. Although I had my wetsuit on I didn't have my contacts so I left my glasses on the beach table, knowing that I could see well enough to work on the tire. As I was working on it Dad suddenly said he couldn't do it anymore and was going to head in, which was fine with me because I really didn't need him. I knew he was not that strong a swimmer and wasn't all that comfortable when the water was over his head, which it actually wasn't because I could touch bottom and so could he, but off he went.

The next thing I know Ans is screaming at me about Dad. I had had the tire up in front of me on an angle that I couldn't see anything and of course I don't have my glasses on so I'm pretty blind anyway. I lowered the tire and I could barely make out my Dad floating in the water. What came next was everybody's worst nightmare - trying to run in the deep water, which you simply can't do. It was like slow motion. As I got closer to him I realized that he was face down. Now my Dad weighs almost two hundred pounds, but somehow, I guess adrenaline, I managed to carry him out of the water and up to the grass, at least thirty or forty feet. I instantly regretted not taking that CPR course offered by the St. John's Ambulance. I hollered at Ans to call 911 then started working on my Dad. I became very frustrated by the fact that every time I turned him on his side to clear water from his throat not a drop came out so I figured I was doing something very wrong. Luckily the EMS crew happened to be on the Westside when the 911 came in and they were there in something like four minutes. Soon as I saw them coming I breathed a sigh of relief thinking that they were going to take over, but the EMS tech said that I was doing fine and to keep going. After about twenty minutes they had a weak pulse but I knew that his brain had been starved of oxygen for too long so he was gone. Tragically he was.

Dad

My biggest regret with my Dad was that not three weeks earlier we had had a very bad three hour long argument, mostly about my brother. There were so many things that they never knew about him and I was tired of being compared to him. In their eyes he was a success and I was a failure. The saddest part was that when I told them about some of the horrible things he had done they didn't believe me. Not exactly a great last memory of my Dad.

On to my Mum. There's not a lot I can say about my mother. My last memories of her are all horrible because I cared for her when she had advanced Alzheimer's, the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. If she wasn't throwing me out of the house ten times a day she was arguing with me about everything because she couldn't remember squat. I tried to keep her as independent as possible but she just got worse and worse. There would be four bowls in the sink from her breakfast cereal and she would ask if I was ever going to feed her. I was trapped in the house only able to leave twice a week when her caregivers came for four hours so I could run errands and shop for food. It was not a great life. Sad as it is to say I was glad when she finally died because by then she had zero quality of life, thanks mostly to my sister. More later.

Mum

Before the ravages of disease my Mum was the proverbial life of the party. She played the piano and the accordion, both by ear, and she could almost play anything you could hum. She was always ready for a party. When I first moved out West to be with her back in 1993 we went to the horse races, bingo, the show and I took her to the casino. She loved to gamble. She handled the cancer scare as good as anyone good. Several months after I started caring for her she told a neighbor, "well, I can't remember shit, but I'm fat and happy", so I figured I was doing my job okay, tough as it was.

One of my fondest pre-Alzheimer's memories of my Mum is when I had a bunch of friends come over for a BBQ, with my parent's consent. I told everyone to go to the small park just down the beach from my parent's place, then walk over. I warned everybody about language, mostly because of the neighbors and to keep the noise down in the house. I took people skiing, tubing and knee-boarding and one time when I came back, primarily to go to the bathroom, I heard the stereo just blasting. I ran up to the house ready to give whoever did this proper hell, only to discover my mum dancing in the middle of the living room and my friends insisted that she had turned the stereo up. That was Mum. I miss her a lot.

On to my brother, Kevin and my sister, Wendy. Many people have asked me why I have nothing to do with them and haven't even spoken to either one of them for many years. Although it's hard to decide exactly who is worse, based on the rotten things they've done, the award goes to my brother. I could write a book on what he's done to me and others, but I'll just give a few examples.

Back when he showed up at our door in Brampton and moved in, much against my wife's wishes, he said he got a job but he needed a motorcycle to get to it. He had no credit and no money so he needed me to sign for a loan for him, which, regrettably, I did. It was with the Bank of Montreal who at the time held our mortgage and was our only bank. Not all that long after he took off back out West, I believe to Red Deer. Of course the bank phoned me when he had missed three payments on the loan demanding the sixteen hundred dollars I had signed for, which was a lot of money way back then. Our credit rating was at risk, not to mention our mortgage, so we somehow managed to pay off his loan. He never even admitted sticking us with the loan, no doubt because he was so involved with drugs at the time he was living with us. I got a huge "I told you so" from my wife.

Years go by with nothing from him, then suddenly we get a call at one o'clock in the morning from him. He's in holding at the airport suspected of smuggling in cocaine. Like a complete idiot he's swallowed bags of cocaine and they are waiting for him to pass them. He's charged with smuggling. I manage to get him a top notch criminal lawyer who tells us he's facing ten years in prison, but through his amazing work he gets him off with six months in Milton. Not great because he was a nurse and now will lose his job because he can't handle drugs anymore. We visit him almost every week until he's released and goes back to Red Deer. The lawyer charges him four thousand dollars which is cheap considering what he was facing, but of course Kevin objects and refuses to pay him. Blow number two.

Out West he shows up at my door crying because his girlfriend at the time, Joanne, had thrown him out because he refused to stop smoking marijuana. He has worked with her on a mobile home park in Revelstoke adding additional homes, building decks and so on, but he has nothing showing his work. He doesn't even have a chequing account. They had been together for some six years but he had left everything up to her. I knew her father would slap something on the mobile home park to cut Kevin out of the deal completely so, again, I found a good lawyer who immediately got an injunction preventing her father from doing anything with the park, which saved Kevin's ass. She eventually managed to get him over a hundred thousand dollars that he did not deserve, despite the fact that he had no proof of anything. Naturally he argued with what the lawyer charged him but at least he paid her this time. With the new found wealth he bought a daycare, although he needed me to sign to get the mortgage.

How he managed to screw up the daycare would make for another novel, but a couple of highlights are me catching him smoking marijuana in the outside storage closet. I just freaked on him asking what would happen to his license if one of the parents caught him? Then he went overseas for his other business and my girlfriend at the time, Tracy, and I worked our butts off getting things sorted out with the daycare and Tracy took on the job as Manager. Before Kevin left to go overseas I had drafted an agreement for us to take over the daycare, one that he agreed to sign before he left, but he didn't. After he came back Tracy came home and said I wouldn't believe what Kevin had said. He had made the same agreement with her as he had promised me, cutting me out of the business completely and not paying me a dime for my six months of work at the daycare. The end was after he took five thousand dollars out of the payroll account, leaving us nothing to pay the staff and we had to close the daycare without notice to anyone. I was the guy at the door explaining to all the moms that we were closed now. No fun.

I mentioned that he was a nurse, so I have to add one more. As I explained earlier, after my Dad died I had no choice but to move in and care for my Mum. My life was over other than when the caregivers gave me a break twice a week. Neither my brother or my sister did a thing to give me any time off or help in any way. I had made arrangements to go out and stay the night with my girlfriend at the time, Sylvia. Kevin and his wife showed up late at around eight o'clock so Sylvia and I were late to the event we were going to. We then got back to her place pretty early in the morning and hit the sack. At around seven o'clock my cell starts ringing over and over and I finally have to answer it. It's Kevin freaking out, telling me I have to come home right away because he can't take dealing with Mum. Okay, she has Alzheimer's, but he's a friggin nurse, but he can't take care of her? Home I go, only to discover that he didn't give her the meds she needs every night, so, of course, she's freaking out, mostly at where the heck am I? Kevin and Susan beat a hasty retreat and that is the only time in all the time I cared for her that Kevin ever offered to help.

There's so much more that I could write about my brother, all of it bad. I honestly can't say a good word about him. Today I don't even know if he is still alive but I don't really care.

On to my darling sister, Wendy. We were apart for more than twenty years but we did reconnect after I moved out West. Although Mum and Dad went south to Yuma every winter I did go up to Revelstoke quite a bit in the winter to go snowmobiling with her hubby, Ron. When Mum and Dad were here we went up a lot on weekends. Played a whole lot of cards and usually had a good time. Dad often helped Ron with things around the house, mostly because Ron was pretty useless. He figured he could fix anything with a good hammer and that was about it. Wendy was a lot like Mum in that she was always ready to party.

After Dad died they would usually come down to take Mum to the casino, which she enjoyed. It was the one thing she could always do pretty well so it just reinforced Wendy's opinion, as had frustrated the hell out of my Dad, that she didn't really have Alzheimer's. Before he died my Dad had encouraged Wendy to watch a video about how to care for someone with Alzheimer's, but she refused. She even refused to speak at his memorial as did my useless brother. Neither one of them helped with anything, leaving everything up to me and my friends. One thing I did forget was to have someone videotape the memorial so we could show it to Mum when she had forgotten everything. I was not going to make the same mistake when we dealt with Dad's ashes. I had been talking to one of their neighbors who had a houseboat that he often took out at night with lights all around. I had explained that it was illegal to put ashes in the lake so we needed to do it quietly and at night and he agreed. I talked to one of my friends who had a video camera and they agreed to come and tape it for Mum so she could remember.

I came home Sunday after a rare night out on Saturday and they left. I was in the shed for something and saw that the urn was gone. I called Wendy and she said that they had got tired of waiting and had disposed of his ashes the night before. She didn't give a damn that I wasn't there. He was my Dad too! So there went the plan to video it for Mum, thanks to my ignorant sister.

The first time she really offered to help with Mum was at Christmas, Mum's first without Dad. I had made plans with Sylvie to have Christmas dinner with her and spend Boxing day with friends. Wendy and Ron were coming down Christmas Eve night and staying for a few days. We decided that we would open gifts on Christmas Eve when Mum was more likely to be okay.

First Wendy calls to tell me that they are coming down two days early so we are going to have our Christmas long before Christmas Eve or Day. I wasn't crazy about that but went along. After they arrived and as we are opening presents on what is clearly not Christmas she says they need to get to bed early because they are leaving for a week in Vegas the next morning. There went my Christmas. I barely got a break from caring for Mum and all my plans were destroyed, all thanks to Wendy.

After Dad died it was decided to take their place off the market, mostly because Mum was dealing with enough without leaving her home. I also wanted to do some much needed renovations to get the place ready to sell anyway. I knew how hard it was to get someone into the scarce care facilities in the Okanagan so I started what became a daily chore of calling people and applying for care anywhere. At this point Mum was classified as I believe a four on a scale to seven as far as her Alzheimer's was concerned. That didn't help me to get any consideration for her as far as getting her into a facility, but I kept at it. One day, just after I got home and one of her caregivers had left, the phone rang. As I came in the door and had picked up the phone Mum started her usual tirade against me, throwing me out yet again among other things. I had no idea who was on the phone and kept trying to answer over Mum's yelling. I finally got her name so I stopped trying to talk. After a few minutes when Mum finally stopped yelling at me I could talk. Laura, the caregiver and the one who had just tested Mum yet again, was blown away by what she heard. She said I must be really struggling being attacked so viciously and being thrown out of the house. I told her no, that I was used to it and Mum had thrown me out at least forty times already. She promised me that she would upgrade Mum's classification to an emergency level to get her into proper care as soon as possible.

Not much changed as far as my usual daily routine of calling anyone and everyone, writing letters and emails, trying to get her in anywhere that could give her the care she so desperately needed. I have to admit that my unwavering patience with things was starting to fade and I was praying for a care facility. At one point I managed to get through to the Director of the Emergency Services, the guy who places people in care facilities. After I explained that Mum had been on emergency status for several months he told me that he had three hundred and fifty people on emergency status and asked what I wanted him to do? I knew that the only hope I had was to keep pestering people and that someone would die somewhere so Mum could get in. Finally I got a call from a facility that was more than qualified to deal with Alzheimer's patients. They told me to bring Mum in but they told me I had to lie to her about where we were going and have no contact with her for a minimum of a week. When we got there I was dismayed by all the bars, fences and security. It looked like a prison but I realized that you can't just let people with Dementia or Alzheimer's wander outside. I left quickly. The next few days were just terrible because Mum would call and leave heart-breaking messages apologizing for being bad and begging me to come and get her. I cried after every message and felt so incredibly guilty. I had listed the house again so I knew she had to stay in the care facility. I started getting calls from the administrator, telling me how well Mum was doing. They had managed to move her to a shared room with a lady she really got along well with. Mum had started participating in some of the activities they had, like art and playing cards. Each day got a little better and I felt less guilty because I knew she was where she needed to be to get the qualified care.

Next thing I know I get a call from the administrator telling me that my sister is there and taking Mum out of the facility. She warns me that if Mum leaves she will go back to the bottom of the list as far getting back in. I talk to Wendy and tell her to tell the administrator that they are just taking Mum up to Revelstoke for a visit and she will be back. I tell her not to take any of Mum's things except a few clothes. She says that Mum does not belong in a horrible place like this and she is taking her to Revelstoke. I remember every single word I said to her, telling her that if she took Mum out of the facility it had taken me months to get her into I would no longer be responsible for Mum's care. Whatever happened would now be entirely on Wendy and she agreed. I knew at the time that she didn't have a clue what she was getting into, mostly because of her denial that Mum even had Alzheimer's.

It so happened that Wendy had told me where she was putting Mum in Revelstoke. I researched it on the internet and first learned that it was an "assisted living" facility, which is not what Mum needed at all. Second I learned that it was for sale, with a note that the residents could be relocated easily. Yeah, right. Next I get a call from the facility telling me that Mum cannot stay there because she is driving them nuts. Her room is on an upper floor and she is constantly hollering at them that she can't change the TV. They go up and discover she is using the phone. Next she's hollering that she can't call Wendy. They go up and she's trying to call using the TV remote. Why Wendy ever gave her the number for the store is beyond me and only shows how clueless she was about Alzheimer's. Mum would never remember that she had called her and would just keep calling. Then I get yet another call telling me that Mum has been found wandering around the streets of Revelstoke in the dead of winter with no coat on. Luckily someone saw her and knew she was Wendy's mum so they took her to the store. The facility had had enough so Mum had to go. Wendy now learned what I had been going through for months so Mum ended up in the hospital.

My friend and I went up to Revelstoke for Mother's Day. When I saw my mother I nearly died. She was just a big head on a scrawny little body, shuffling along like someone a hundred years old. She sat by me at the table and kept asking me who everybody was, sadly including Wendy. It broke my heart and I knew that it was the last time I would ever see my mother. She only got worse when the cancer returned and had spread to her brain. She was eighty-four, far too old for any operation so it was just a matter of time. She died in the fall but I was so upset with my sister that I couldn't even go to the memorial they held for her in Kelowna. I knew that Wendy had killed our mother and I could never forgive her so it was better that I stayed away.

Apparently she sold the business and has moved to Kelowna. I can only hope that if I get back there I never run into her, unless it's with a car.

 


A Facebook excercise

No question that Facebook has changed our lives, mostly for the good but some for the bad. People rediscover long lost friends and make new ones. They contribute to a host of issues we all face every day. Users are probably as addicted to Facebook as they are to checking their email. Some just want to get as many friends as possible, even to test that five thousand limit put on by Facebook.

I've lived a long and somewhat eventful life in terms of my career and the places I've lived. I've met a ton of people in the process, many of whom I have forgotten. Now that I am officially a senior and facing the possibility of dementia or, worse, Alzheimer's (my mum had it), I thought I would see just how many people I could remember that I had actually physically met, either in my personal life or my marriage or my various travels or my various jobs, of which I've had many. I'm not going to cover my kid's friends or the kids of any adult friends I had unless it will help to reconnect me with their parents. For many people I will only remember their first name so I'll do my best to describe how I met them and what the circumstances were. The goal is to test both Facebook and that thing they call six degrees of separation, meaning that "anyone on the planet can be connected to any other person on the planet through a chain of acquaintances that has no more than five intermediaries". We'll see.

Obviously I don't expect anyone to read this entire lengthy post. I just want you to go to a section you might have been part of and add anyone you know or add their Facebook link. That's all.

THE EARLY YEARS

Obviously first is my childhood, which was so very long ago. Way back in 1949 I was born at St. Joseph's in Toronto after the fireboat rushed my mum from the islands, where her and my father lived, in the middle of the night. I was apparently born at seven twenty in the morning which I only mention because of the numerous times I've woken up at exactly that time now matter where I was. We moved around a fair bit when I was a wee one, at one point to an apartment in Ajax, then to a farm called, I believe, Donelda, which became Don Mills. The only name I remember from any of this was someone called Bumpy, a friend of my Dad's.

When I was maybe four of five we moved in with my Mum's parents at 7 Hugo Avenue in Toronto. Shortly after my grandfather died so I really don't remember him at all. My grandmother, whose name was Jenny Hardy, lived in one of the bedrooms upstairs. I went to Perth Avenue public school for several years. The only friends I remember from those early years were Ralph Scholumberg (not sure of the spelling), my best friend and Sharon, a lovely girl who lived a few doors away. I remember she had polio, something more common in those days. I don't even know if we had yearbooks back then but I have nothing from my years at Perth Avenue. Photos would be nice.

When I was twelve I learned to hate my parents because they moved me out of the wonderful city, where I could go anywhere on transit or my bike and where I had tons of friends, to a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. It had no indoor plumbing. Just an outhouse. A stove in the kitchen to heat the house, which it didn't do so we had kerosene heaters in our bedrooms. It's a wonder we didn't die from the fumes. I forget what time of the year we moved but I soon learned that I was miles from anywhere. Even our neighbors were far from close. My parents both worked, no doubt to pay for their first house, so they weren't around to drive me anywhere. I had my bike but it was miles to visit anyone. I went to Churchville public school through to grade eight. Grades six, seven and eight were in the same room. Lots of fun. Other than my first love, Roxanne Rollings, I have vague memories of anyone I went to school with. She broke my heart when she married Wayne (forgot his last name) years later. I think there was a Dave and Doug Mackenzie in Churchville. Surprised that the only girl I can remember is Roxanne. Normally I pay a lot more attention to the girls. Still do.

Moved on to Streetsville Secondary School for grade nine. Even though I went there from grade nine to twelve about my only memories are the guys in the group I joined, called the Tempests. No idea why. Dave Kirk, Don Thurston, and Chris Hayes. We played the Coke dances after school and I soon discovered that women love musicians. That joy lasted for years. I do remember a real sexpot in grade 12, Valerie and one of my many girlfriends was Francis Carkner (not sure on the last name). I remember Mary Hamilton who I took the school bus with. The name Judy North is in there somewhere. The group changed over the years. Vic Dimitroff. Zak Marshall. Nolan Yearwood. Alan McQuillan to name a few. I also met people like George Oliver, David Clayton Thomas, Whitey Glan, and Pat Cosby and many others when we were the house band at Club Bluenote. We also built up quite a fanbase in Brampton where we played quite often. So many names I've forgotten. I think that we were the Bow Street Runners back at that time. Sammy Conners. Gloria. Marilyn Adams (my girlfriend for a time).

GETTING MARRIED

Okay, so on to the first big lifetime event was getting married. My ex was Janice Kennedy Tyrrell from Brampton. She had two brothers, Gord and Doug. Her father was Ray and her mother was Marion. Friends of hers who became mine were Dale Evans, Gary and Glen Ellis, Bobby Munday, Brian and Lynn Jamieson, Greg and Laura Smith. I was in the band for ten years and met hundreds of people but can't remember a one of them. My son, Chris, also played hockey for years, on several different teams and all year long. Again, met tons of parents on all the teams but remember few. Jason's parents, Larry and Ann. Fabio's Dad, Rolly. Kevin's parents, Bill and Gerry. I should remember some of the coaches and managers of the teams but I don't. I can't even remember the name of the coach for our summer team. Russ Bird, my best man at my wedding.

CAREER

Should cover the career here, at least during my marriage. I started at the Toronto-Dominion Bank in 1968, only because my mother worked for them in Streetsville. My first branch was in what was called Cooksville at the time. During my short two years or so I was at nine branches, the last one being Jane and Wilson, I think. I was the administration officer at only nineteen and took over for the manager for his three week vacation when the replacement manager got sick. I was making fifty dollars a week and a customer hired me away by offering me ninety dollars a week. He turned out to be a crook though and wanted me to do things that weren't quite legal so I quit. I think I ended up breaking milk jugs at Dominion Glass during a strike. No fun. Met a ton of people working in all those branches, but only remember Steve Vass and the manager of the branch at Keele and Wilson where we were robbed, Joe Murphy.

In no particular order I'll cover some of my many jobs in Ontario and include the names of anyone I remember. I was at Able Plastics, the manufacturer of foam, mostly for furniture. It was a husband and wife team who spent the entire day fighting. My assistant was Linda. I was at Emco Plastics for several years. I remember Frank and Morris Cook, Earl Lynch, Doug, John McQuarrie, John Farncomb, Roger. I was at Hilti Canada in Brampton. I remember Jim Young, Debbie, Kim, Brian Snyder. I was at TCM, a division of American Hoist. Gerry Waterhouse. Terry. Betty White. Joe Barone. Carolyn, Rene Couture. Skip. Sam Osborne. I was at Kyle Jamieson Real Estate. Doug Jamieson and several clients. I was at Clearview in Weston. Joe. Ciro Gucciardi. I was at Indal Products. Heather Paul. Doug Banyon. Frank. Jon Lehoup. Marie Dearlove, Dave. Steve Duplantis. Michelle. Buddy Bent. Staynor. I spent sixteen years as a computer consultant and dealt with about fifty clients. Fellowes Manufacturing - Gail-Ann Duxbury, James Edmonds. Elliott Industrial Equipment - Bruce. TNT Roadfast - . Florimex - Recom Windows and Doors. GlassVision Solariums - Jim and Linda Webb.

After I moved out west in 1993 I worked as a computer consultant. First major client was Central Valley Trucks. Can't remember the owner's name but his son was Rick. I also remember Linda. Worked at Northern Computer in Kelowna. Doris Bonn. Jim Condon. Ross Dickie. I worked for FBC for a while. My boss was Grant Diamond. Worked at Western Star on the line. Don't remember anyone. Worked for Shaw Fiberlink. My tech was Brett. Had six managers back in Calgary in only a few months. None memorable. Worked for two cellular phone companies for a bit, Sunwest Cellular and Pacific Cellular. Also worked for Canwest Communications and Business Thompson Okanagan, a newspaper.

GO WEST, YOUNG MAN!

My first friend in Kelowna was Laura McKinnon. She introduced me to a lot of people, both through the Courtplex and socially. I met a ton of people - Bianca Siebrand, Wade Silver, Tawni Silver, Brian and Linda, Brian Wall, Doris, Darlene, Norma, Larry, Ann Hansen, Ron Le Stage and Suzanne Le Stage, Tracy Church, Judy Allen, Juanita, Karla Longacre, Stephanie, Debbie, Carolyn McCulley, Trish Power, Laura Johnston,  Gary Bakelmun, Sabrina Weeks,  Linda Lichtenegger, Pam Ferens, Doug Cuming, Rob Dubuc, Debra Birce, Pete Tarasoff, Sylvie Sanson, Kelly Harrison, Teresa Lotoski, Caron Masse Abel, Cathy Kadatz, Jackie Goulding. Spent a whole lot of nights at the Corral and had many, many dance partners. Heather, Jean, Crystal Mogdan, Debbi, Nola, Sheila, and many more.

PANAMA

My almost two years in Boquete, Panama was interesting. Elle Nicolai, Mark and Jennifer (owned Amigos), Walter Cruz (my lawyer), Karynthia, Magaly (girlfriend), Jim, Mitzi Nash, Priscilla Nash, Verushka, Terry and Judith, Amilkar (my worker bee),

LONDON, ONTARIO

I returned to Toronto in March of 2009 and stayed with my cousin, Joan Thomson. I was only in Toronto a few months then moved to London, following Denise Walters. Hard to believe I spent five years in this place but I didn't have much of a social life to speak of. Sieg Pedde was a colleague I actually met in Panama. For a time I lived in my car and at various shelters around town. Knew some of my neighbors when I finally landed in a real apartment. Worked at Home Depot for a time. Also worked at a call centre selling an international property show in Toronto. Dr. Ramona Cuelho was my doctor. At one point I joined one of those Meet-Up groups but that did not go well. No one I could call a girlfriend in five years, after Denise.

ECUADOR

My last out of country experience was Ecuador and I met an amazing number of people considering I was there less than a year. The first person I met, at the airport actually, was Ana Romero, who was going to work for me but that didn't work out. Next was my landlady, Jessica Alban, who ended up ripping me off for two hundred dollars when I left. Next was Peter and Mauro, the owners of the hostel I stayed at. Then, in no particular order, Deb Swansburg, Mari Ruiz, Dutch Fuscaldo, Mia Rushing, Debra Rambo, Michael Griffin, Tanya Harrell, Deborah Lapping, Kasie Estevez, Jessyta Teran, Deborah Angus, Gary Phillips, David Meade, Bobby and Becca Vinces, Candace Burch, Joel Kaplan, Yolanda Santana, Dilan Tuquerrez, Lulie Lawry May, Anne Worthington, Julie Powell, Jean Clark, David Beede, Bonnie Davis, Monica Granja, Lindsay Numedahl, Kashmir Moses, Jeanne Martin, Jeanine van Griensven, Mary Ellen, Nick Rossicci, Kaden Brown, Colleen Hemphill, Steve Donoso, Santiago Hidrobo, Bonnie Hall, Steve Rushing, Janda Grove, and many more who aren't on my Facebook, like Valeria, Marlene, Olga, Esperanda, Janice, Mickey, Dan, Veronica and Santiago, Guiermo, Yulie, Phillipe and Ronda, Negrita. Kathy Fajardo, my "facilitator" for my residency, who ripped me off for three hundred and fifty dollars and cost me my passport. Phoenix Bess, who was also going to work with me at one point. Carlo Ami.

BELLEVILLE

I returned from Ecuador last October and first lived in Foxboro in a house owned by Greg Castonguay, Heather's son. Then I moved into Belleville to a group home on Murney. Met Terry, Scott, Chris, Blair, Dave, Ron and Mo. Moved to Forin last March. Met Bob, Mike, Mathew, Frank and Jean Karl. Blair has now moved here from Murney. New guy is Chris. Frank is moving to Toronto so we'll be getting someone new soon.

 


Women or culture in Ecuador or maybe me?

Anyone who has been following me knows that I intended to move to Ecuador back in December of 2014. I had done months of research on where to go to live out my life. I knew that I could not survive in Canada on my limited pensions so I had to find a country with a lower cost of living. I was also a little sick of winter so I was looking for a good climate, not too cold or not too hot. Ecuador appeared to fit the bill on just about everything. I knew that there would be culture shock, but I felt that I was prepared from my time in Panama.

Even with the much lower cost of living in Ecuador I still needed to find a way to earn some money, partly because I would lose one of my pensions, the GIS (Guaranteed Income Supplement) after six months out of the country. I knew that Ecuador was becoming a retirement destination for Canadians and there wasn't a lot of good websites with factual information about Ecuador so I created a website, WelcomeToEcuador.ca. I intended to sell advertising on the site to make a little extra money, plus I hoped to travel the country taking photos and writing a blog. That was the plan.

Prior to actually leaving I met a women on Facebook, Anna, who initially offered to help me find a place to live. Over the course of several messages she eventually expressed an interest in working for me on the website. I knew that I needed someone who spoke Spanish to deal with clients so it was a good fit for us to work together. She arranged for a driver to pick me up in Quito and because her English was very good we kind of hit it off. She was also very attractive which was a bonus. She ended up helping me with things like going shopping for food and dealing with the person who turned out to be my landlady, Jessica. I had only booked a week at Balcon de Lago but ended up making a longer term deal when I could not find an apartment in Otavalo. More on this later.

Since the first day we met I had been asking Anna to come over so we could discuss the business, but she kept delaying it saying she was busy. Finally we set a date and time for her to come over in the morning, but she never showed and never called which I wasn't impressed with. Then we set another day for her to meet with my landlords to discuss the longer term arrangement. She said eight o'clock in the morning and I reminded her that she wasn't all that reliable that early in the day, but she insisted. Eight o'clock came and went with me sitting at the table with a bunch of people who spoke no English, awkward to say the least. Then Anna shows up an hour late. She comes in like a queen with no apologies for keeping everyone waiting an hour. All I could think about was if she would pull this with clients. I questioned if this was actually going to work out.

The meeting with my landlords involved me telling Anna something in English and then she would translate. I had to trust that she was saying the right thing to them and that they understood what I wanted. After I thought we were all in agreement apparently we weren't. My landlady came down to my cabin in tears because she and Anna had quite the argument on the phone. Somehow she understood that Anna was just trying to find me another place to live which really upset Jessica. I knew that this was the end for Anna and I. I emailed her my concerns and that ended us.

Fast forward a couple of months of things not going very well with my landlords. Among the many issues was the situation with the fire. My place was freezing and I could not work without having a fire going constantly. I had expressed concern about the lack of ventilation and they were going to install a fan but nothing was ever done. One fateful night I felt tired and thought I would just lie down for a bit. Big mistake! Jessica came down, which she had never done before, and tried to wake me, which she had also never done before. When she could not wake me they called an ambulance and rushed me to the local hospital in Otavalo. I woke up some three hours later and remember the doctor saying that I would have been dead in twenty minutes from carbon monoxide poisoning. It's a close to death as I had ever come and certainly freaked me out. Apparently it also freaked Jessica out because she asked me to move out, and in only a couple of days.

At one point she had come to me and asked me to prepay two months rent because they "needed the money". I wasn't crazy about that because things were not going well so I agreed to pay her one month in advance. When she asked me to move out we had a discussion about the rent she owed me, the firewood I had paid for, the two bottles of rum they had drank on me, the DirecTV I had paid for that I never got and we agreed on her giving me two hundred dollars. When my taxi was loaded ready to go I asked her for the money but she said she had not been to the bank. I offered to take her to the bank but now she was apparently waiting for a check from someone. She said that she would come to Cotacachi and pay me the money. She never came and that was in February 2015. She just ripped me off.

When I planned to move to Ecuador I had gotten a six month Visa in Canada, planning to file for my residency when I got to Ecuador. I was going to pay for my residency with the money from my GIS pension, which I had been told I would receive by the end of January. That did not happen. It took me months to finally receive the GIS, which caused me a lot of grief. I had to go to Guayaquil at the other end of the country to apply for my residency. It was around this time that I realized the issues I was going to have getting my meds, most importantly my insulin. Obviously I could not survive without my insulin so it looked like I had no choice but to return to Canada. The Canadian dollar had also crashed and I was already struggling to live so paying for my insulin was out of the question. I had sent my facilitator, Katty Fajardo, three hundred and fifty dollars, the government fee to get my cedula but had told her to hold off until I knew if I was going to be able to get my insulin. I emailed her that I could not and would need to return to Canada so I could not file for residency. I asked her to return my three hundred and fifty dollars along with my passport so that I could fly back to Canada. She refused to return the money or my passport. I had to jump through all kinds of hoops and get a temporary passport so I fly. Although she did return my passport it had been cancelled. So she ripped me off for my three hundred and fifty dollars and cost me a lot of money to get another passport.

Shortly before all this happened I met a woman who I admittedly fell in love with at first sight, Patricia. Our short but passionate romance was amazing and we planned to marry as soon as I could return to Ecuador. I was going to be back in Canada for what looked like six months and we knew it would be hard to keep our relationship strong but we were sure that we could. We talked just about every single day on Facebook and things were going well between us. She was struggling financially and of course I was living on only my pensions so it was very difficult for me to help her, but I did. I had sent her my bank card and every month I sent her money that I really could not afford. Before I knew it I had sent her five hundred dollars US, money that she agreed to repay me when she got her twenty thousand dollar settlement from her ex. I also sent her a hundred dollars to give to my friend, Dutch, but she used the money saying she would pay him back. Then she took the fifty dollars from the fundraising campaign account, saying she would return it. Then she moved to Quito out of the blue, blocked me on Facebook and will not respond to my emails. Total ripoff six hundred and fifty dollars American.

So my question is if all this was just the different culture of Ecuador, the wrong women or was I responsible? If it's my fault what exactly did I do wrong?


More to the story...

Interesting that my last post about Ecuador was September 7th. I knew that I had no choice but to return to Canada, mostly because of the falling Canadian dollar, but I had no idea what was about to happen to make my life even more complicated.

On one of my many nights at The Bar I met a woman who I admittedly fell in love with  at first sight. I thought she was with a friend of mine because I had overheard him say something about his "girlfriend". Turned out to not be true but I didn't know that at the time. She came out to have a smoke and we talked probably for an hour or more, even though she didn't speak a word of English. She told me she ran a spa in town and you can bet I planned to go there. I offered to walk her home but she declined. I was confused by the fact that she left alone when her supposed boyfriend was still in the bar.

My friends, Deb and Dutch, had planned a going away party for me at The Bar. I had run into Bobby and Becca from my favorite group. Three Shades of Grey, downtown and asked if there was any chance that they would play that night and they immediately agreed, which was awesome. Not quite sure when I asked her to come, although I think I had run into her downtown one day at the market. I asked her to bring her mother to encourage her to come but The Bar is not popular with the locals so I didn't know if she would come or not. She did. 09_25_01

The minute she walked in the door she took my breath away. She was gorgeous. Although it was a bit of an unusual affair because there were many women who I wanted to dance with on my last night, I still got to dance with her. We were good together. At some point during the night we ended up outside for a smoke and I asked her about the "girlfriend" thing. She laughed and said he was only a friend, not a boyfriend. I found that very encouraging.

As the night came to a close I invited her and her Mum back to my place, hoping, of course, that her mother would decline, but she didn't. We talked and we danced, but the funniest part was every time her Mum went to the bathroom we would kiss and fondle each other, passion raging unchecked. At one point I mentioned that I was hungry and she disappeared. She came back with a full meal made from stuff I didn't even know I had. It was delicious. On top of everything else I loved about her she was also a great cook.

The night came to a close and they needed a taxi to get home, although it wasn't that far to walk, but it was late and maybe not that safe to venture out at that hour. My regular taxi guys would have long since gone home to bed so I wandered out on the street hoping to find one. Luckily there was a concert still going on just down the street and I found a taxi for them. I felt like a hero when I came back to my place and they were waiting outside, although I regretted her leaving.

No sooner had they left than I got a phone call from her telling me that her sister had locked them out of their place, so I told her to come back. Her mother got the bed and she and I pulled the cushions off the couch and chair and put them on the floor. I want to keep this post rated "G" so I won't go into details, but let's just say that it was interesting trying to stay quiet when her Mum was in the bed in the next room.

Dutch and I had planned a parting dinner at Jeanine's the next night so I invited her along, thinking that Dutch would be okay with that, which he was. When she arrived, right on time, I was a little sorry that she and I basically took over the dinner because his Spanish was too rough to understand her. For me it's the little things that I'm impressed with, probably because very few women had ever done those little things. When we got our soup, mine a broccoli base, I think and hers, tomato, she asked me if I liked it, which I didn't. Without a word she immediately switched our soups against my protest. Then she buttered my bread for me. Again, little things, but I was impressed. After dinner we wandered around town doing things she needed to do. The funny part was she held my hand and hugged me, but only when no one was around to see us. She said it was a small town and people would talk if they saw us.

She ended up spending the night at my place and again, let's keep it clean, so no details. Let's just say that it was incredible to say the least. I was falling totally in love with her, more than I had with anyone for a very long time. I knew that this was what real love was about, for the first time in my life.

09_29_01Over the next few days we spent some amazing time together, but, of course, nothing had changed for me to stay in the country, so that weighed heavily on our relationship. Because that b*tch had stolen my money and refused to return my passport I had to go to Quito to the Canadian Embassy to get a temporary passport so I could fly. She came with me and we had a wonderful bus ride down, talking and laughing the entire trip. In Quito I got to meet her son who I instantly got along great with. He was very happy that his mother had found someone to marry, yes, marry. That was the plan. On the trip back she suddenly grabbed me to get off the bus for some unknown reason. We ended up walking down to Puertolago, a five star resort on the lake. We shared a drink 09_29_02outside and it was very romantic.

As our final night in Cotacachi approached I knew that I wanted this last night to be something to remember. I phoned Puertolago and got a special deal based on promising them promotion on the website. Our driver, Dillan, picked us up and she had no idea where we were going. Finally the suspense was killing her so I told her where we were going. She was delighted. We had an incredible time at Puertolago. We enjoyed a fabulous dinner. We played some pool. We sat on the porch overlooking the lake. She had brought a bottle of champagne for us to celebrate our last time together, at least for a while until I came back. That was the plan.

Our driver picked us up the next morning to take me to the airport. Leaving her was a killer. There were a lot of tears but I planned to come back as quickly as possible, although I sure had regrets about leaving.09_26_0109_29_03 It was not a fun trip back to Canada. All I could think about was how I was going to get back to her and get married.

As many people know, long distance relationships are tough. Ours was even harder because we had the language issue. My Spanish was rough but we managed to talk on video for hours. Still, there were times when we just didn't communicate well. She began really pushing me about coming back, ignoring the many challenges I had with things like getting a new passport, a new criminal record check and all the documents I needed for a visa. She was trying to get a special visa based on me returning to marry her, but this worried me. If we didn't end up marrying, which was a possibility that she had raised, I would be stranded in Ecuador and forced to again return to Canada. I wanted to get my six month visa again and then apply for residency when I got there so that I would be protected from leaving again. That did not sit well with her and our relationship began to suffer.

Then all kinds of things happened with the business, none of it good. She introduced me to a lady who was going to sell for us. It so happened that she was gorgeous and soon my lovely fiancee was jealous of her, suggesting that maybe I wanted to marry her instead. All ridiculous but it showed me a side of her that I wasn't crazy about. Soon things really started to unravel and it looked like the marriage was off and the relationship was over. It was a very tough time for me because not only had I lost the love of my life, but now my whole future was in jeopardy. I didn't know if I would ever return to Ecuador now.

 


Memories - my daughter, Heather

Recently found a YouTube video from the Toronto production of the Phantom of the Opera, starring Colm Wilkinson. It reminded me of one of my favorite memories, among many, of taking Heather to see this play many years ago. I forget the exact year but she was either about to apply to Mayfield Secondary School, a renowned school for the arts, or she was already attending there. After all the years focusing on sports, her with soccer and her brother, Chris, with hockey and soccer, we had neglected broadening their education with theater and music. Even way back then I believe it was ninety-eight dollars a ticket, a handsome sum to see a play. That being said, it was worth every penny. It's not hard to understand why this is one of the longest running plays in history. The music, of course, is legendary and I remember going to, I believe, Sam's the Record Man, to buy the album the minute we left the theatre. I loved that Heather and her girlfriends would sit in her room listening to the CD. Never once told her to turn it down.

heather_framed_05Sadly, it's now been more than twenty years since I saw my darling Heather. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her and miss her. We had such a good relationship and I will never understand what happened. When she and Chris came out west to holiday with me for three weeks she had broken my heart by telling me to stay there. She said they had never seen me happier and they knew my marriage was a disaster. I didn't listen and I came back to Brampton, mostly for her, but that solved nothing. After my mum was diagnosed with fifth stage melanoma and given less than a five percent chance of living more than six months I went out west to spend her last days with her. I really didn't know if I would come back to Ontario, but I thought that Heather would come out to vacation with my parents and my family. My parents loved her so much, as did I. I couldn't stand the thought of life without her, but she was already at the stage where I had to make an appointment with her to see her. I thought everything would be better with me out west away from her mom's clutches, but I was so very wrong.

After talking to her on the phone I traveled across Canada in the dead of winter, taking my life in my hands several times, to see her, only to have my ex and her new husband, my good friend, hide her away and not let me see her. I hung around at my son's for three weeks hoping to see her, but they refused. It killed me and I finally left, driving all the way back to BC with tears in my eyes the whole trip. I don't think I have ever been so unhappy. Even then I didn't believe that I would never see her again. She got married, has had two children, grandchildren I have never met, and never once tried to contact me. One of the greatest regrets of my life by far.

Anyway, here's the video - The Phantom of the Opera

 

 


Life Lessons Learned Too Late - irreplaceable things.

Several times in my life I moved to start all over again. Back in 1993 after my marriage of twenty-three years was clearly over and my mother in BC had been diagnosed with fifth stage melanoma and given only a five percent chance of surviving more than a few months I decided to move to BC to be with her during her remaining time. Our last matrimonial home had been sold and my parents and I had driven my van down from BC to Brampton to get rid of everything left in the house. Despite the fact that my wife had always agreed that it would be fifty/fifty if we ever split up that soon changed. She had rented an apartment for her and our daughter so she wanted pretty well everything out of the house for the apartment. I had a lifetime loathing for lawyers for good reason so I always said that we would never resort to lawyers if we split. By my accounting she got about ninety-five percent of everything we had, most of which was from my hard work over the years with zero help from her. I wasn't planning on taking any of the furniture all the way to BC anyway so she got all that. Two things that really peeved me were that she wanted all the Rosemond prints that I had carefully collected during our marriage plus she wanted the thirty-five Charlie Brown books that I had also collected, not one of which she had ever opened a page on. As annoyed as I was it wasn't worth a legal fight so I let her have them.

Flash forward to 2007 and the disaster that was my renovation in what was Westbank at the time. My doctor was very clear in telling me that I had to get out from under all the stress I was dealing with and I had decided to move to Panama. I sold off thousands of dollars worth of stuff, mostly all of my very expensive tools, but also some things like furniture, dishes, small appliances and pots and pans. I still had a lot of personal stuff left, actually five large storage bins worth and I left these with my buddy Wade to ship to me when I got settled in Panama. He had moved them to his mother's ranch and when she was away her place had been broken into and everything, including my bins, had been stolen. Among my prized possessions were two framed prints of those you get done where you dress up like the old West, one with my parents and brother and sister, and one with my wife and kids. They were both awesome and irreplaceable. The other thing was a large (about three feet by a foot) framed print of both my kids when they were young that Tracy had given me as a gift back in 2000 and it read "a father holds his children's hands for a while, but their hearts forever." Again, irreplaceable.

After I was forced to return to Canada I eventually moved to London, Ontario and started building up possessions all over again. Over the years there I went from things I had got through welfare to having my own decent furniture, a big screen TV, a nice bike along with some biking equipment, a great car (yet another Honda), appliances and so on. When I planned to move to Ecuador I donated a lot of clothes to Value Village but I also managed to sell a lot on Kijiji. Again I was left with a lot of things, like tools and my bike that I didn't sell. A friend at the time offered to sell everything for a commission so he took several bins of stuff. Over the next few months while I was in Ecuador he sold a lot, including my bike, but never paid me a cent. I only found out what he sold from people who wanted to buy whatever it was. He refused to answer my many emails and let me know what was going on. Eventually he stopped responding to people who wanted to buy stuff. Just a total crook and at a time that I was desperate for money in Ecuador.

When I was forced to return to Canada, again, I had to sell everything I had acquired during my time in Ecuador. I had a number of small appliances, like a coffee maker and toaster, a really nice large screen SONY 39" monitor, an EPSON printer I hadn't even used and a bunch of dishes and pots and pans. I sold a lot of it for decent money but got nothing for things like my Logitech wireless keyboard that I paid a hundred dollars for and my brand new leather cowboy boots that I paid three hundred dollars for and never even worn because of my foot problems. I gave Patricia at least a hundred dollars worth of food and things I had left. She also managed to score my cooler bag that I had used to carry my insulin to Ecuador.

The point of my post is to do whatever you can to protect the things that are irreplaceable. I had every opportunity to scan the two old West photos so I could have reprinted and framed them again. Both photos were very special because my parents are both gone now and I have no relationship with my brother or sister, plus obviously I am no longer married and my children have decided to have nothing to do with me so there won't be any more photos. I might also say that back in the day we didn't have smart phones or digital cameras for photos and video, so we took pictures. In my younger days I never realized how important photos of my kids would be now that I'm older or even video of my son in his hockey years before he gave it up. My ex got all the photos when we split so today I have nothing. I did scan and post a few photos that I had, but not nearly enough for the twenty-three years that we were together. I would encourage everyone to take as many photos and video as you can. Someday you will treasure the memories, believe me.

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Happy Birthday to me

An interesting birthday to say the least. Happy at being alive. Sad at being alone. Thanks to not having internet for what feels like the first time in decades I won’t be getting the usual kind wishes from friends anywhere in the world. Thanks to having left Ecuador last Thursday I won’t be doing any celebrating with all my wonderful new friends. Most importantly, thanks to leaving Cotacachi, I won’t be spending the day with the love of my life, Patricia, which would have made my birthday truly special in every way. It has already been so brutal without her and today makes it that much worse. She is such a sweetheart in so many ways and I can only imagine what she would have done for me today on my birthday.

Today I got to wake up totally freezing because the house has no heat and it is unusually cold for this time of year. Although there is a perfectly good looking furnace I don’t want to start playing around with things when I don’t know what works and what doesn’t. It’s been three days since I had a shower because there’s no hot water in the house either. Greg was kind enough to get me cleaning stuff, like soap and shampoo and even got towels, so it looks like he planned on me showering, but there is no hot water. The water heater is like the furnace, looks fine but the switch is off on the panel so I don’t want to take a chance on switching it on. I sure wish we could have made arrangements for Greg’s contractor, Eric, to meet me here and go over things. It would have also been great to have had internet so I could at least connect with Greg or Eric or make phone calls to anyone.

His house is outside a place called Foxboro, but I have no clue where that is, how far I might be from it or even what direction it’s in. I thought there was going to be a phone here with the internet package so I could call the driver, Dave, who brought me out here from the VIA station to take me into town to get some food. Thankfully Greg stocked the fridge pretty good or I would be adding starving to my birthday. The fickle coffee machine that gave me such grief yesterday smiled on me for my birthday and actually made a cup this morning. I don’t have any stove or electricity for the microwave, but at least the toaster works great so I can have cereal and toast for my birthday breakfast.

At one point I thought of staying in Cotacachi for my birthday before I left. I had to leave the apartment on the 30th but I thought I could stay with Dutch or Debra for a few extra days. It didn’t matter to Greg and, in hindsight, would have given him more time to get things ready for me here, like heat, hot water, the internet and a phone. It came down to a choice of spending my birthday with all my great friends in Cotacachi or alone here in Canada. The reason I decided against it was mostly because Dutch and Debra were throwing me a farewell party at The Bar on the 25th, so I thought having yet another party so soon was a mistake. Maybe no one would show up for my birthday and that might be worse than spending it alone in Canada. Money was also getting critical, again, so staying longer would not be a good idea. I would also have the nightmare of dealing with COPA who would certainly want to charge me extra to change my flights.

Then, of course, I met Patricia.

I had clearly fallen in love with this woman the first time I met her at The Bar a couple of weeks earlier. I don’t know if I’ve actually told the story of how we met so I’ll include it here because it has a lot to do with how I am dealing with my birthday today.

It’s hard to believe that it was only a short month or so ago that I first laid eyes on Patricia. She came into The Bar with Carlos, a friend, and sat on the couch with him. I was at the bar and, when she went to the bathroom, distinctly heard him say that she was his “girlfriend”. Just my luck. But then, a little while later, Carlos was gone and she came out to the patio and asked me for a cigarette. What boyfriend in his right mind would leave a girl as beautiful as this alone in a bar? We started talking, in Spanish, of course, and I learned that she ran a spa downtown and she was a massage therapist. A few friends had gathered around and I started promoting her massages to friends, a couple of whom knew where the spa was on Bolivar. Before I knew it we had talked for a very long time and the more I looked into that beautiful face, the more I knew I was smitten, but she was Carlos’ girlfriend, so this wasn’t going anywhere, right?

A couple of days later I was at Coo Coo’s Nest and noticed Carlos sitting with some friends. I went over and asked him if he was a violent man? He laughed and said, no, and asked me why I asked him that? I said I needed clarification on something I had heard him say about someone and asked if I could speak to him privately. He said shoot, so I asked him if Patricia was, in fact, his girlfriend. He said she was just a good friend, nothing more, so I confessed that I was quite smitten with her and hoped to get to know her better. He said to go for it.

The following Thursday I had made arrangements to sell some of my things at the Market Day sale because Deborah at Coo Coo’s Nest had decided to include the monthly yard sale as part of the Market Day sale. I didn’t get there until ten because the sale started at eleven, but there were already all kinds of customers there, so I was in a bit of a panic to get my stuff setup. Who comes along to help me but Patricia. Not only was she very helpful but we again talked for just about the entire sale. Lots of laughs and that gorgeous smile. At one point she was looking at my cowboy boots and thought her father might like them, but she didn’t know if they would fit. She said she would call her father to come down to try them on. She was also interested in the insulated cooler that I had brought my insulin in when I came to Ecuador. Long story short, her father couldn’t make it so I gave her the boots and the cooler to take home and let me know. Not something I would normally do, but there was that smile.

As is so typical with Ecuador, I never heard from her later that day, or later days. I started to think I had just been ripped off, again, by someone I didn’t even know. Stupid, Gary, stupid. I posted a photo I had taken of her on Facebook, asking if anyone knew her and could get her to get in touch with me before the following week’s sale. Someone recognized her and gave me the link to her Facebook profile and I left her a message. No response. By the time the next sale rolled around I had pretty well accepted that my boots and the cooler were gone and I deserved it.

This time I went earlier so I would be ready. Who do I see coming into the plaza? You guessed it. She’s saying hello to everyone, kissing and chatting and eventually makes it to me. She explains that she was out of town and is sorry that she never got back to me. She has the boots, saying that they didn’t fit her father, but she forgot to bring back the cooler. She jumps in to help me again and this time she ends up selling for me. Who wouldn’t prefer to deal with a pretty girl rather than me? I take some more photos with her and we end up talking the whole time, again. Now this is where the relationship takes its first turn.

First, I had told her about the conversation with Carlos about her being his girlfriend. Not only had she laughed and said this was not true, but she said she didn’t even like him. He had apparently invited her for a beer and offered to give her a place to live and anything she wanted, but, of course there were strings involved. No surprise there. Certainly not your supposedly typical Columbian woman who would do anything for money.

Next, after I was dealing with a customer I turned around to find her crying. That always turns me to mush and I will do anything to make it better. She gives me a hug I will never forget and tells me that her ex has tossed her out of their house, meaning she has nowhere to live and no business anymore, the spa. No wonder she’s crying. That night Dutch and I had planned to have our last dinner together at Jeanine’s. Hoping it was okay with Dutch, I invited her to join us for dinner and she asked me what time. I said we were meeting at six-thirty and she agreed to join us. I met Dutch there and who comes along just before six-thirty but Patricia, looking as radiant as ever.

With later apologies to Dutch, our dinner was pretty well about Patricia and I. This was the first time I started to see what kind of woman she was. First she butters the bread and hands it to me. Then, when our soup arrives, hers tomato and me broccoli, I tell her that mine isn’t all that great. She gives me a taste of hers and it’s good, so she switches our soups, against my protests. After dinner she tells me that she has to go down the street to get some invoices, I assume from the business. I tell Dutch we will be back in ten minutes and we head off. The next thing I know we are wandering the streets of Cotacachi for some reason. At times she takes my hand, usually when no one is around, but then pulls away when she sees someone. She explains that people gossip and she doesn’t want everyone blabbing about seeing her hand in hand with me. I understand.

Eventually we make our way back to Jeanine’s where I get kidded about disappearing, not paying the bill. I don’t exactly remember how we parted that night, but at some point during the night I had asked her to come to my farewell bash the next night at The Bar. At some point in our travels around Cotacachi that night we had stopped at her mother’s apartment. Not sure why, but she had asked me to hide a couple of doors away while she went in. Thinking it might just encourage her to come to my bash I told her to bring her mother because Three Shades of Grey were playing and she might enjoy the music. Total desperation, yes.

The whole day, in fact, the whole time before my farewell bash, I am dreading this because I am so sad at leaving Cotacachi and all my friends. I don’t know how I am ever going to keep it together and not just break down balling. I head to The Bar at five so as not to miss Three Shades start playing. There are several friends there who all start wishing me goodbye and I can feel the emotions starting to well up. Then I see this absolutely stunning vision walk in the door with who must be her mother. She was wearing an absolute killer dress that took my breath away. She walks up, introduces her mother to me and gives me the usual hello kiss on the cheek. I order beers for her and her mother and sit down with them. Soon more friends start arriving, mostly women with whom I have danced. I explain to Patricia who they are and that I must dance with them, and she is fine with that.

Soon I ask her to dance, but she has seen how I dance with the other women and isn’t sure she can do that, so we go out back to the patio and I give her some instructions, one two three, one two three, step, step and she laughs, trying to follow. I ask her to come to the main bar to dance and she agrees. We’re no Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, but we manage just fine. There’s a lot of laughing and when I hold her close she reminds me that we’re dancing in front of her mother. I manage to dance with her and the other women who want to dance with me, but, of course, this is my farewell bash so every woman who comes in knows me and wants to have a last dance with me. I make sure they are all introduced to Patricia and her mother before I dance with them. I see Philippe and Ronda come in and explain to Patricia that Ronda is one of my favorite partners so I must dance with her soon. Not only is she fine with that but she ends up videotaping us dancing. What a woman!

After I dance with Ronda I sit down to talk to her husband for a bit. Next thing I know Ronda is going over to talk to Patricia, something I’m not sure about. I talk to Philippe about the fact that I had asked him to support me if I started to lose it, but now that Patricia was here I was fine. After far too long Ronda comes back all excited and says Patricia is going to get a visa so she can come and visit me in Canada. I am shocked to say the least.

The other thing that was so completely unexpected, but fabulous, was the food that Dutch and Debra had arranged. Kasie had worked so hard and it was the best food ever at The Bar. I started telling everyone to please eat because it was free and they were all impressed. There were only a couple of new people there who didn’t know me, so I think everyone ate, except me. Partly because I was nervous about Patricia and I guess because it was my farewell party, I had a few too many Amarillos and no food. Not a great combination, as if I wasn’t drunken enough on Patricia. Oh, and one of those moments you never forget happened when Patricia and I went out front for a smoke. She pulled me into a darkened corner and gave me our first passionate kiss. Simply wow!

All too soon the music was ending and people were wandering off. I asked Patricia if her and her mother wanted to go to Jeanine’s for a drink and she agreed, but when we got to Jeanine’s it was closed, for the first time ever, at only about eight-thirty. Patricia knocked on the closed door and Jeanine answered, saying they were going to the Tuparishun Pena Bar down the street. This is a bar pretty well deserted on a Friday night and not somewhere Patricia wanted to go anyway, so I asked if they wanted to come back to my place for a drink, hoping, of course, that her mother would decline, but no such luck.

We got to my place and she poured us drinks, as if I needed any more. She put on some dance music and we danced. Of course I was feeling pretty amorous after that first kiss, but I didn’t want to push it or rush things with her, but every time her mother went to the bathroom, which wasn’t often enough, Patricia would grab me and lip-lock me in such passionate kisses. It sure felt like she wanted more. I realized that I had never eaten at my bash and mentioned that I was hungry. Because I was leaving I hadn’t really bought any food so I thought I might get some cereal or toast to tide me over. Next thing I know Patricia has disappeared for maybe ten minutes and I’m chatting away with her mother, or trying my best. Patricia comes back with three dinners. Chicken I didn’t even know I had and fried vegetables and toasted buns. A feast! What a woman!

Midnight came and it was time for them to go home, but I knew it was almost impossible to get a taxi at this time of night. They tried calling someone but that went nowhere fast. I said the only taxis might be down at the hospital so I said I would walk down to see if I could find one. As I walked towards the hospital I found myself thinking, oh God, please let me be a hero and find them a taxi. As I got closer I heard music and realized that there was a concert going on so there just might be taxis around. Sure enough one went racing by me, but stopped and backed up. As we approached my place there was Patricia and her mother waiting and looking ever so grateful. We said our goodnights and I figured that was that. My wonderful night had come to an end. Not so fast.

A short time later my phone rings and I see that it’s Patricia. She explains that her idiot sister won’t open the door for them, so I tell her to come right back to my place. Once they get there, no doubt relieved that they now have somewhere to stay, I explain that her and her mother can have the bed and I will sleep on my couch, although I know that’s not going to be any fun because my couch is horrible. Her mother crawls into bed in the next room and I hear Patricia in the bathroom. Next thing I know she has joined me on the couch and, well, things progress pretty rapidly despite the fact that she had said that in God’s eyes we needed to be married before anything happened in that department. Let’s just leave it at it being very difficult for her to stay quiet with her mother in the very next room.

The next day is a bit of a blur, although I do remember at one point her saying that she was planning to spend the night at my place. Be still my aching heart. Let’s just leave it that it was all private and wonderful. So much for needing God’s blessing.

She had mentioned that she goes to her church Sunday night, so I had agreed to go, more to support her and not be left without her. I met Pastor William and his wife, Sofie, along with a whole bunch of other worshippers, all of whom greeted me very warmly. Despite having spent the night together, on the way to the church I had said I gathered that there would be no kissing or hand holding at the church and she agreed. Nevertheless she did reach out for my hand a few times during the agonizingly long service, all of it in Spanish, maybe just to thank me for going with her. All I much cared about was that she was planning to stay overnight again so I didn’t want to lose her.

The next couple of days are again a blur but we were heading to Quito on Wednesday to hopefully pick up my replacement passport so I could fly out Thursday as planned. I was taking the bus and she agreed to come with me, which was great. Our driver, Dillan, took us to Otavalo to catch the bus for Quito. We had such a wonderful two hour trip, chatting away and a whole lot of laughs. So much better than the trip I was going to take alone and a whole two dollars extra. Money well spent.

When we arrived at the bus depot there was a long line of taxis waiting. Gabriella at the Embassy had said we should not pay more than five dollars to get to the Embassy from the bus terminal. Patricia had to go to the bathroom so I waited for her. This man standing at the corner of the building said “taxi” and I remembered stories of people taking what they thought was a taxi and getting robbed so I told him to wait for the Señorita. When Patricia came out she spoke to him and I guess got assurances that he was legit, so off we went. We had to actually leave the terminal and walk across the street to his cab, which made me wonder, but it appeared to be a real taxi. Patricia had already got his agreement that it would be five dollars, but we soon realized that he had no clue where the Embassy was. He was on the radio asking for directions and eventually got them but I could see that the meter was going to go well above five dollars. Patricia again told him we would only pay five dollars.

He dropped us off at what we thought was the Embassy, although it was on the other side of a crazy busy street. We took our lives in our hands getting across, only to learn that the Embassy was back on the side we just left, so we again took our lives in our hands getting back across to the right side of the street. Going to the Embassy was oh so Canadian. Not so much as a hello, then the miserable woman receptionist asks for my passport. We explain that I am here to pick up my passport but that only seems to irritate her. Finally Patricia shows her ID and they are willing to let us up to the consular section. They don’t bother telling us that we need to waive our ID badge in front of the elevator controls to go anywhere, but someone else helps us. As we arrive at the Embassy the security is worse than at an airport. I joke that Patricia is wearing so much metal that she is going to have to get naked to pass through the security scan. We are shown into what can best be described as a cubicle with a giant plate glass window between us and who we assume will be Gabriela. Certainly not going to be your typical warm greeting in Ecuador through this thing.

She does show up and immediately questions my travel itinerary from COPA because it shows I am not flying out of Panama City until October 2nd, which was clearly wrong. Just another screw-up by COPA and after hours on the phone with them by both Patricia and me. She also asks why I am not flying on October 1st when I can go direct from Quito to Toronto. I explain that COPA isn’t flying to Toronto on September 30th, the day I am booked to Panama City. She explains that I may have trouble leaving the airport because I only have a temporary passport to fly and not to enter Panama. She strongly suggests that I change my flights to October 1st, so off we go in search of the COPA office, which she says is not far away. Right.

Back down with the not so friendly receptionist she explains that we go out the door, turn right and look for Citi Bank and that’s where the COPA office is. When we go outside Patricia explains that her son, Sebastian, is joining us, something of a surprise to me. A friend drops him off across the street from hell and we again take our lives in our hands getting to him. We then head in the direction we were told but stop to ask a man waiting for the light to change. He checks the internet on his phone and tells us we need to go in a completely different direction so off we go. We walk and walk and eventually come to a building with a United Airlines office, which we have been told is what COPA now is. We enter the office and find all kinds of people waiting and we know it’s going to be quite a while before we are served. I ask out loud if this is COPA and a bunch of people say “no”. They tell us we need to go down yet another street to the COPA office which is not, in fact, at a Citi Bank building at all. By now I am getting tired of walking and very worried that we are not going to make it back to the Embassy in time to get my all-important passport, so we catch a taxi. Eventually we make it to the COPA office and again there are all kinds of people waiting. I am very glad that I have Patricia and Sebastian with me for the Spanish we will need and I explain the situation with the wrong flight date to Sebastian. I want him to explain that I didn’t book September 30th either, even though I did, because they will try to charge me another hundred and fifteen dollars that I do not have and have already paid. He understands.

Figuring that it would be quite a while before we are served, Sebastian and I head off to get some water or pop down the street. We stop for a smoke and chat about how much I like his mother, with me apologizing that although I am not his father, my advice to him is to find someone just like his mother. Next thing his phone rings and it’s Mom telling us to get our butts back to COPA. I find her clearly arguing with the COPA lady. Sebastian steps in and starts arguing with her, getting nowhere and finally we learn she speaks English. What happens next will go down in the annals of just plain bad customer service. She refuses to believe that the October 2nd date is their fault, offers to change it and naturally tells me I have to pay another hundred and fifteen dollars, on which she won’t budge. Now normally I don’t ever believe that you get anywhere by getting angry or raising your voice, but I had it with COPA. At the very great risk of losing my flights and making a total disaster of everything, maybe even getting the police visiting, I pretty well lose it on her, for anyone to hear how fed up I am. I don’t know if anyone within earshot understood a word I said, but it was painfully clear that I was not happy. She asks me to sit down.

After forever on the phone with somebody, no doubt someone in authority and her manager and her on the computer she calls me over and presents me with my tickets to fly to Panama City and on to Toronto on October 1st. I thank her and apologize for getting angry with her, but she says she now understands what they have put me through and she apologizes profusely.

We rush back to the Embassy and go through everything all over again, except we have left Sebastian downstairs. It’s close to two o’clock and he had already explained that he had to get to the university by two-thirty for his classes. I think everything is ready at the Embassy and all Gabriela is waiting for is the travel itinerary. Wrong again. She doesn’t appear to have done much and she’s gone for at least half an hour before coming back with my passport, finally. We join Sebastian again with apologies for the delay and ask if we can still get something to eat with him. He has phoned a friend to pick him up at three but now calls them to delay it even more so he can eat with us. I’ve seen a Tony Romas down the street and think that this might be cheaper in Quito, but when we get there it’s $13.99 each, cheaper no doubt than Toronto, but more than I can afford, so we end up eating at KFC, which sucked just as bad as in Canada.

We said our goodbyes to Sebastian and it was nice that Patricia said he really liked me and was happy that Mom was planning to marry me. It might not have hurt that I had said to Patricia that my original plan was to buy a Honda dirt bike, a plan that went south after the huge hospital bill. I said that if we planned better and were making money with the website business that we would buy three dirt bikes, one for each of us including Sebastian. Of course he was thrilled with that idea. No wonder he liked me.

We got back to the terminal and caught our bus back to Otavalo. Both of us knew we were very tired and figured we would sleep all the way back. Given that I was now leaving in two days I wasn’t keen on wasting time sleeping but I could tell she was very tired. In no time at all she was off in dreamland while I couldn’t sleep a wink, mostly because the movie sound was blasting above our heads. I had also read about a lot about people thinking that they were going to the terminal in Otavalo but instead got dropped off on the Pan American highway in the middle of nowhere, so I wanted to stay awake to make sure this didn’t happen. It was now getting dark and I wasn’t sure where we were, that is until Imbabura and the lake came into view. Suddenly Patricia woke up as if on cue and told me we were getting off the bus. I had no idea why but didn’t have a second to argue, so off we got. Then I noticed the sign for Puerto Lago and we started walking down the lane towards the resort. We shared a glass of hot wine with fruit which was delicious and we sat on a bench down by the lake. It was very romantic and led to what happened next.

The next day, my last one in Cotacachi, was a whirlwind of activity. Patricia had left in the morning, saying something about water problems at her new apartment so I didn’t know when she would be back to my place. Of course I was busy packing and wasn’t sure what to do for our last night together. I wrote to my landlady asking if there was any way I could stay one more night, but it turned out that the apartment was rented to another doctor who was moving in right away. Patricia had already said we could stay at her place but she had no hot water and I wasn’t thrilled at the idea of traveling all day without a shower. Then it came to me. What else could be more special than spending our last night at Puerto Lago? I emailed them explaining about my websites and asked if they would consider giving me a special rate in exchange for publicity on my website and they agreed. I texted Patricia telling her to bring some nice clothes and that we would be staying somewhere special for our last night together.

She didn’t come over until four o’clock in the afternoon, which made the day even crazier for me, but when she came over, obviously curious as hell as to where we were going to stay, when I told her Puerto Lago she just beamed. She was so happy. Eventually after running all over town with me Dillan took us to Puerto Lago. Our room, called the Junior Chalet, was simply gorgeous and right on the lake. I hadn’t eaten all day so I was starving so we made our way to the gorgeous restaurant for dinner. Daniel, our wonderful waiter, brought us two warm wines with fruit and we ordered our meals, which were incredibly delicious. We ended sharing a coffee with Baileys, a fitting end to a very romantic and wonderful meal.

Now very full, we wandered back to our room and sat out on the porch enjoying the view and a beautiful night. That’s when she grabbed the computer, which was playing music for us, and excitedly started typing something into Google translate. Earlier in the day I had noticed that something was wrong with it because you would go to correct something and everything you typed would disappear. Sure enough she’s typing and typing, then I hear “oh, no!” because she’s lost everything. She starts all over again, only to have the same thing happen again and again. I open WordPad instead and tell her I will translate it when she is finished. She hands me back the computer and I translate what she has written. There are no words to describe exactly how I felt when I read this. Because this is a record of my birthday I am going to include what she wrote. Remember that up until this point in our relationship, although we had joked about getting married, I was not yet prepared to fully believe that she loved me and would marry me. The translation is Google so not that great, but the important parts are clear, at least to me.

Papi (her term of affection for me), you are my love, my great love ... you are the man that God has allowed to come into my life, to rejoice, to make me happy in every way ... make me happy every moment of the day, you make me happy in bed, you make my being, my body reacts to every touch, every contact .... your kisses, your caresses, the way you are, you're special. YOU HAVE COME INTO MY LIFE ... today I offer you a bottle of champagne .... not because you're going, but because you came into my life just when it most necessary. That today our last night .... but this year ... because I will be waiting for the year 2016 and you will be my husband, my partner, my friend, my accomplice, my lover, my partner, my dreams promoter. We will have a home, a family, and be happy, because first of all ask God that He bless us and direct us in everything that we will be .... constructing a cabana, .. love you, I love you ... I swear before God that there will not be another man in my life and that I will be waiting as long as our goals will be necessary .... RESPECT, TRUST, HONESTY ... I toast you, you toast me, offered by the two. To our health .... I drink because I met you, I drink to celebrate that you came into my life, I give because even if you go you are coming back ... and I'll be waiting for you ......TO OUR HEALTH together my love!

With that we opened the champagne, which was quite the struggle. I was expecting it to blow when the cork finally popped but we got nothing and we laughed and laughed. I poured the champagne into our coffee cups, the only thing we had and she joked about us drinking champagne from coffee cups. Very fitting for our relationship. She then gave me my gift. She had brought along a number of very sexy outfits and she asked me to take photos of her in each of them, I guess as both a memory and to remind me what I was coming back for. It sure worked.

The obvious happened and in the morning she made the coffee and we sat outside and talked and talked. Finally I realized that Dillan was coming soon to take us to the airport in Quito so we had our last shower together, which was really tough because we both knew it was our last, so there were a lot of tears amongst the suds. By the time we got everything packed we had no time to eat any breakfast so we stopped at a deli on the way to Quito. She got me some cheese and baked things, something of which would soon not agree with me. Back in the taxi we hugged, kissed and caressed each other, knowing what was coming too soon. At one passionate moment I joked that we were going to need to ask Dillan to close his eyes. We were both on the verge of tears but managed to keep it together for the most part.

As we’re traveling through the mountains in the middle of nowhere I realize that I am going to need a bathroom and quick. Something is coming back on me big time and making me very anxious. As we finally reach the airport Dillan is driving around and around trying to find a parking spot, which apparently doesn’t exist. Finally I can’t wait another minute so I tell him to go back to the airport and drop us off. I head for the nearest bathroom, just in time. My suit would not have survived.

The next couple of hours were a whirlwind of crazy activity. I realized that I had forgotten to get my two cartons of cigarettes from Monica back in Cotacachi so we ask if where the duty free is, but get no answer. We are then told that it’s over in the other building across the way from the terminal, so off we go, but then I realize that I don’t have enough money to pay Dillan and buy cigarettes. I also realize that I’ve drained my US bank account so I need to transfer some money from my Canadian US account. This normally can take up to an hour but the last time I did it when my pensions came through it only took a couple of minutes so I was hoping that the same thing would happen now when I so desperately needed money. Back at Puerto Lago I had attempted to pay for our meal with my Canadian VISA but the PIN was apparently wrong. I hadn’t used it since I left Canada so I thought I just couldn’t remember it. It turned out it was right so I have no idea why it didn’t work at Puerto Lago.

When we had checked in to COPA they told me my large suitcase was overweight and would cost me a hundred and twelve dollars, money I didn’t have. They suggested buying another bag for carryon and packing what was overweight, so off Patricia ran to buy another bag. Twenty dollars but a lot better than a hundred and twelve. Dillan and Patricia pulled my shoes out of the big bag, which I thought would weigh more than clothes, and packed them into the bag she just bought. When we went back to check my now okay large suitcase in at COPA a tour bus must have just arrived because there was a huge line of people checking in. Patricia, in typical fashion for her, just skirted the entire line and took the bag to the guy who had told us it was overweight. He just stopped dealing with the people in line and checked my suitcase in. One problem solved.

After we checked my suitcase in at COPA and as we sat having a coffee, I logged on to the airport network and transferred some money to my US account in New York, then waited and waited. Finally it showed that the money was in my account so off we rushed to the ATM. Nada. Didn’t work. So we rushed to find the bank and tried the machine there. Nada. Still didn’t work. I had given my bank card to Patricia for money in Cotacachi before so I assumed she was entering the right information in Spanish at the bank, but I guess she wasn’t because as soon as I entered the information in English I got my money. Enough to pay Dillan and to buy my cigarettes, barely. We still couldn’t find anywhere to buy my cigarettes and time was getting short for me to check into security for my flight.

Finally that terrible moment came when I would have to leave her. We went to where I thought we had to say our goodbyes and we hugged and kissed and cried. I then rounded the corner and realized we had said our goodbyes earlier than we needed to because security was down the hall, so off we went. We asked the lady at security about my stupid cigarettes and she said there wasn’t anywhere to buy them, so I gave up, even though they were about twenty-four dollars a carton in Ecuador and a hundred dollars a carton back in Canada. We again kissed and hugged and said our tearful goodbye and I went through security. After I had gone through security I will never forget her last wave and blown kiss goodbye. It was a knife in my heart and I had to wonder if I would ever see her again. It was just brutal.

As I headed down the hall towards my gate I came into what was obviously a huge duty free area. I asked the first person I saw if I could buy my cigarettes here and she said no. I wandered a little further and there in front of me where stacks of cartons of cigarettes, so I bought two, finally. I found my boarding gate and sat waiting in total sorrow and questioning what the hell I was doing.

I was leaving the place that I loved and, more importantly, the woman I loved and, even more importantly, the woman who loved me. This was all so completely crazy but what else could I do? Marrying her would have solved the residency issue, but what were we going to live on? I had basically exhausted my pensions for the month. I was in the country illegally now with no hope of getting residency now that my passport had been reported stolen. I only had a temporary passport that allowed me to fly. My six month visa had long since expired back in May. I couldn’t stop thinking that if that bitch had not kept my passport and defrauded me out of the three hundred and fifty dollars maybe I could have stayed. Patricia was only paying sixty dollars a month for her apartment. It was rough and needed a ton of work but couldn’t we have done it and survived until we got married? She clearly intended for us to get married when I came back, so why not now? I thought about all the reasons I was leaving, most critically the falling Canadian dollar which meant I had lost another one hundred and fifty dollars a month and I couldn’t afford to live, so how were we going to do it with both of us to support? Why was I leaving, intending only to come back? It was all making no sense and I felt that I was doing everything wrong, which only made it that much harder to leave her. My heart just ached.

As I had been dealing with what they call migration officials she was calling and calling me, but I couldn’t answer the phone when these guys were asking me all kinds of questions about my temporary passport. I was thinking, fine, don’t allow me to fly and tell me I have to stay in Ecuador. That would be great regardless of the mess I would be in. At least I would not be leaving the love of my life. That would be a whole lot better than what I was doing, wouldn’t it? Unfortunately they accepted my passport and waived me through. While one guy had been entering my passport number and having a tough time getting the unusual number accepted, the other guy had been chatting with me in English. I had said that I was returning to Ecuador to marry the love of my life and he said to hurry back. I was thinking that tomorrow would be good.

Well, this has been more about Patricia and my trip back than my birthday but it’s all about how I feel on my birthday, which obviously isn’t great. I wish so much that I had internet so I could at least message her on Facebook. She must be going crazy wondering where the hell I am. Greg had said I would have internet when I got here so she doesn’t know any different. I am praying that she figures something is wrong and I don’t have internet, not that I am in any way ignoring her, which would be terrible and really upset her. It would just kill me if she thought for one second that I was ending our relationship. Not a chance.

An update here. I had gone across the road to see if the neighbor had internet and could send an email to Greg. I was hoping he would allow me to bring my computer and access the internet, but he doesn’t know Greg that well or me at all, so he just sent an email telling Greg that I had no heat, hot water or internet. He came over a while later telling me that he heard back from Greg. Eric, his general contractor, was going to come by later today which will hopefully solve the hot water issue and I can finally have a shower. He said Greg said the heat and the internet will take a few more days, which is a total killer.

I need the internet for so many things right now, not the least of which is to contact Patricia. She is not going to be happy with this one bit. I asked the neighbor if there is internet in Foxboro but he doesn’t think so. There is a restaurant that I saw on the internet and thought was in Foxboro, but apparently it is a distance from town. Right now I don’t have a phone to call a taxi or any Canadian money left. The neighbor said I would probably need to go to Belleville to get a SIM card for my phone, but Greg said the internet package includes a home phone so spending money on my cell phone is probably pointless. In Ecuador a SIM card is like three bucks and you can buy minutes. I doubt that’s the case here. I seem to remember that a SIM card is like fifty bucks, so that’s not going to happen. I’ll be lost without my cell phone but who am I going to be calling here? Once I have the internet I can call anywhere, including Ecuador, for free on Google.

So, happy birthday to me! Obviously not going to go down in history as one of the better ones, by a long shot.


Life is what happens while you are making other plans

This is an email I sent to my dear friend, Heather, today - 

Hope your surgery went well and you are on the mend. Sucks to get old, eh?

Well, life is getting even more challenging, if that is even possible. I think for the first time in my life I am totally lost as to what to do. The Canadian dollar is absolutely killing me. Yesterday I transferred my last dime and $200 cost me $300. Brutal. This money was to pay my rent on Friday and I’m left with zero to buy food for the rest of the month.

I knew it was going to be tough to survive here even with the lower cost of living, but since I started researching the move I’ve lost $150 a month because of the dollar and that has left me without enough to pay rent and buy food, with nothing else. I used to drop in to the bake shop for coffee and a brownie, more to meet people and talk up the websites, but it was a nice social thing to do. That’s gone. I had to meet Dutch yesterday, who I owe sixty dollars to and can’t pay him, and I couldn’t even have a coffee. I used to go dancing Saturday night and might have two drinks at $4 apiece, but I can’t do that now and I miss it. People are asking me where I was on a Saturday night and I don’t know what to say. I don’t even have the $2 cover charge for which you get a beer. There’s so much going on around town, tours and hikes that I should be doing for the website, but I just can’t.

Obviously, when I first planned to move I knew it would be tough to survive, not as tough as it’s been, but I also had faith that long before now I would be earning some money from my websites. Before I even left Canada I had met Anna who was going to work for me as soon as I got here. I figured I would be earning a few hundred dollars a month at least by February or so. That obviously didn’t work out and I’ve been struggling to find someone to do sales for me ever since. I was so thrilled when Phoenix was going to work for me, but that didn’t work out either. Even making a couple hundred dollars a month right now would save my ass.

It’s only the eleventh of the month, meaning twenty-one days left until I get my pathetic pensions again. I seem to be going backwards here. It’s also incredibly frustrating that that idiot back in London, who owes me at least three hundred dollars from what he’s sold, won’t answer me about anything. I don’t know what he’s sold for sure or what he has left. My friend Denise said she would go to his work and ask him what the hell he’s doing, plus she offered to take whatever he has left and sell it for me, but she’s been too busy working two jobs and hasn’t had time to get to him. My dealer friend, who Rick works for, got really angry at me asking him to find out what’s going on with Rick. I don’t know what else to do as the guy seems intent on ripping me off.

There’s also the mess with my former landlady who hasn’t paid me the two hundred dollars she owes me. She refuses to even answer my messages. I’ve had two friends that know her and I’ve asked for their help, including one of my taxi drivers, who I paid a lot of money to, whose father is a police chief, but I got nowhere. I never had a lease with her or any documentation on the rent she promised to pay me back when she asked me to move out, so I can’t go to the police to go after her. I so want to shame her on Facebook but the laws here are really tough on libel and slander, so without any documentation I would really be taking my chances. She’s very active on Facebook though and I’ve warned her that I will make it public if she doesn’t pay, but that got nowhere either.

Although I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do given my situation with my insulin, I also have the return portion of my airfare. I’ve emailed COPA to see how I get a refund, but the cost of the trip now is a lot higher then back when I came, mostly because of the falling dollar, so if I get a refund to help me survive, then have to return to Canada, it will cost me a lot more.

The situation with my insulin is really unclear right now. A guy in Hamilton volunteered to bring my insulin down, but then he checked with CATSA and they told him you can’t carry medications other than your own. I told him that when I brought my carry-on cooler bag with my six month’s supply of insulin packed in ice no one even asked me to open the bag. I had all my documentation from my doctor and the pharmacist but no one ever asked to see it. I told him Denise would unpack the vials from the boxes with my name on them and put it in a plastic container marked “insulin”. He could then pack it in his check-in luggage and if anybody asked he could say it was his and that he unpacked the boxes to save space. He wouldn’t budge, even when I said I was getting the insulin for free so even if he had to dump it I wasn’t any worse off, although, of course, I would be. Other people, mostly from the States, have offered to bring my insulin back with them, but I would have to courier the insulin to them in the States, which costs money I don’t have.

The other major issue with getting my insulin is that my pharmacist friend at Shoppers said he can’t renew my prescription because he now knows I am out of the country. I guess he must have gotten into some trouble when he supplied my dry meds because he clearly knew I was out of the country then as well. The doctor who prescribed my medications refused to renew my prescription for insulin unless she saw me, which is absurd, so I have to go back to my family doctor to see if she will do the prescription even though she has never done it before. Even if she does agree to give me the prescription it has to be given to my old pharmacy, Rexall and I have to pray that Denise can pick it up for me without any hassle. I’m going to tell her to tell them I am sick but need my insulin. It’s all so complicated and frustrating. I am this close to just giving up and going back to Canada, horrible as that will be.

I haven’t been able to get in touch with Kathy, the girl who’s been doing my residency application. I don’t know if she’s paid the $350 I gave her to pay the government fee. Immigration has my passport which means I can’t go anywhere, not even back to Canada without my passport. Two weeks ago she said she was going to pay the fee and courier my passport to me, but she picks now to not even respond to my emails. Of course, given that it’s Ecuador, I’m panicking that she’s done something with my money and not paid the government. Even if she has paid the fee that means I have to fly to Guayaquil to pick up my cedula and I don’t have a dime to do that. I need my cedula to register for the national health care plan so that I can at least get my meds in three to four months, assuming I find a way to stay alive until then.

Even with all these troubles I just can’t stand the thought of being forced to give up and go back to Canada. Yes, I get my meds again and the GIS pension, but where the heck do I live and how do I survive? I have nothing but a few clothes and it would be brutal to try to start over again with nothing. I don’t know how I would even afford rent anywhere, let alone anything else, plus I’ve lost my dream of living out my life here in Ecuador, which I honestly don’t know if I can handle. I’ll never be able to afford to come back. I’ll have lost the months of very long days working on my websites because there’s no way I can do it from Canada. It’s so pathetic that the latest stats on my one website show that I am getting eight thousand visits a day and that the site is valued at over five grand. Talk about timing. I’ll have nothing but regrets and nothing to live for. I’ll go crazy with nothing to do. I don’t even have all my winter coats and boots that I gave away to survive if I’m homeless.

I feel that I am in a no win situation. The thoughts of starving are pretty bad. I’m diabetic and not eating will kill me, which, right now, in my lousy mental state, maybe isn’t all that bad. I just feel so beat down by everything that’s happening. I’ve lost control over my life and I have no clue what to do to get it back. Trying to survive when I can’t afford a coffee makes my life here just terrible. The smallest things, like getting my washing done for only a few dollars every week, is out of reach. I’ve looked at the food I have and know that it will not be enough to keep me going until the end of the month. I volunteer every Friday at the soup kitchen and realize I may soon need to eat there myself, not that one meal a week will keep me alive.

I know you must be sick of hearing my troubles and I’m sorry to burden you with them. I just feel so lost with no one to talk to and more lonely than I’ve ever felt in my entire life. All my dreams and efforts to make a better life for myself seem to be getting more and more impossible to achieve. Something has to change or I’ll lose it soon. My options seem to be dwindling fast.

If you’ve read all this, thank you, my dear friend. It helps to at least be able to vent about things and not keep them all trapped inside. I hope you know that.

Cheers!


Why I don't regret leaving Canada

There was a recent article in CuencaHighLife about why Expats go home. Many try to avoid that I told you so from friends and family by making up a cover story. It's a sick parent that needs care. My kids need my support. I need surgery and would feel more comfortable having it at home. Many simply admit that they miss some of the things back home, like Christmas with family or being able to shop at Wal-Mart.

This got me thinking about my own decision to move to Ecuador and, most recently, the thought of being forced to return to Canada if I couldn't get my residency here, on which I came close. What would I be returning to? Basically I would have been homeless in Toronto, a city I loathe. My pensions would not have been enough to live on pretty well anywhere in Canada. I would have my meds paid for which helps, but, as my dear friend put it, I would basically be "molding", waiting to die. Not much of a life.

As with any major life-changing decision, there were many, many factors involved. Someone said to me that you need to consider why you are moving to somewhere and not why you are moving from somewhere. That's easier said than done. I knew that I was far from happy living in London, Ontario and had to make some kind of move. It boiled down to leaving the country or moving back out West where I had spent fourteen of the best years of my life.

The problems with moving back out to the Okanagan were numerous. First and foremost, it's very expensive to live in the Okanagan. It's become the lifestyles of the rich and famous to live there and my pensions would mean I could barely afford rent. At sixty-five there's little chance that I would find any kind of employment and for the life of me I couldn't think of any business idea that would make me some extra money. The other issue was lifestyle. My wonderful years in the valley were spent with numerous friends and loads of activities, pretty well none of which I would be able to do now, both from a financial standpoint and my deteriorating health. My life was full of physical activity, like skiing, roller-blading, dirt-biking, cross-country skiing, downhill skiing, playing racquetball, hiking, biking and dancing two or three nights a week at the Corral. When I first left the Okanagan to go to Panama I sold everything I had. I no longer had any of my "toys" like my snowmobile, my dirt-bike, my boat, my truck or anything like my water skis, my cross-country equipment or my downhill skis. I would be starting over with nothing and my health would mean I couldn't do pretty well anything anyway, so moving back out West was ruled out.

Another huge factor about moving out West was that my parents were now both gone. I originally had moved out West back in 1993 to be with my mother who had been diagnosed with fifth stage melanoma and was only given a five percent chance of living another six months. She defied all odds and lived until 2007 so I got to spend a lot of great times with her. Although my relationship with my Dad was rocky at times, we still had great times dirt biking around Kelowna and in Revelstoke. They lived on the lake in Westbank so we had a lot of great times at their place. After Mum was in a home I had sold their place, so that was gone now. My sister had pulled my mother out of the care facility I had worked so hard to get her in and that was a total disaster. I blame her for basically ending my mother's life, for which I cannot forgive her. My brother was useless from the start and couldn't even care for Mum for one day to give me a much needed break. It boiled down to not having any family out West.

As for my own family, when I came back from Panama to Toronto in 2009 I hoped I would be able to reconnect with my kids and meet my five grandkids as well. Despite my best efforts I had not seen or even spoken to my daughter since moving West in 1993. My brief connection with my son when he found himself in trouble with the law about his work ended just as quickly. We had reconnected briefly when his job brought him to London but that ended badly as well and we haven't spoken since. Despite my horrible situation with my kids I am a strong believer in family and hoped that we could put things back together, but my dear friend again said I could sit around waiting for them until I died. If I moved to Ecuador and somehow magically they wanted to reconnect there's always Skype and I could return to Canada for Christmas maybe. It sounded like a much better alternative.

Of course living in Canada means dealing with winter. When I was out West I loved the winter because I cross-country skied two or three times a week. I ran the hiking club even in the winter. I snowmobiled around Kelowna and mostly in Revelstoke with my brother-in-law and we had a ball. I downhill skied at Big White and Silver Star as often as I could afford. I even got to skate on the lake one year when Green Bay froze. Once I moved to London, Ontario the winter was just cold and miserable. I froze waiting for the buses. Driving was horrible. I never did a thing in the five years I was in London and it was just plain cold. Nothing was good in the winter. I knew I wouldn't miss it a bit.

Since arriving in London I had worked all day, every day, trying to find a job and I had applied for over a thousand jobs and never got one interview. The only job I got was at a call centre, Stream Global, the worst company I had ever worked for in my entire life. I was making the grand sum of eleven dollars an hour, thirty percent of which went to my landlord because I was in a geared to income building. Revenue Canada also came after me and got a garnishee for another thirty percent of my income, so I was left with pretty well nothing to live on. As I approached sixty-five I accepted that I was never going to find a job anywhere. I had been accepted into a self-employment program but that was running out in December so I would only have my pensions to live on. I was also looking at London Housing and ODSP coming after me for undeclared income which would only make things worse. I had declared bankruptcy and had just finished the two years paying for it and didn't want to go through that again. I knew that they couldn't touch me in Ecuador.

So, I get it. If I had a great relationship with my kids and grandkids naturally I would miss them terribly and this might well make me want to return to Canada to be with them, but this isn't the case, much as I wish it were. Christmas? I've spent the last five years alone with no real Christmas. Friends? Despite my best efforts I was never able to make a single friend in London. It's a cold town. Winter? Nothing to miss there. I much prefer year round spring here in Ecuador.

Finally, is life in Ecuador perfect? No. Things are a lot different here. The language barrier is huge and I need to improve my Spanish. The pace of life is a lot slower and getting things done can be frustrating. There's a ton of things I miss, like being able to buy my much loved President's Choice products or treating myself to Wendy's. I can't get things shipped overnight like I so often did in Canada. I can't go to see a movie in 3D. It's hard to find products you are used to, but you make do. The most important difference is that life here is a lot more affordable and less stressful, so it's all well worth it.

So, I have no regrets about the decision to move to Ecuador. Not a one.

 


Are We Having Fun Yet?

This is yours truly's personal experience as a Canadian coming to Ecuador to live out what's left of my life. This post is more of a journal covering my preparations for filing for residency as a pensionado and my journey to avoid being forced to return to Canada.

Your own experience will be determined by where you live, which will then determine if you deal with an Ecuadorian consulate or the Embassy in Ottawa. The general advice if you are looking at moving to Ecuador is first to visit the country for an extended period, at least a month and more if you can. Your tourist Visa gives you ninety days to explore the various regions and determine what area you might want to move to. There are vast differences in areas of the country, from climate to culture. Coming from Canada you will certainly experience culture shock with Ecuador. For some people it's simply too much. Others consider it an adventure. The number one issue you will face everywhere in the country is language. The more proficient you are in Spanish the better off you will be. Bring a good translation book or a smart phone with Spanish downloaded. The Ecuadorian people in general are very warm, friendly and more than willing to help you, but you must make an effort to speak to them in Spanish.

Ecuador has more diverse regions than just about any county in the world. The difference between living in a large city like Guayaquil, which is very hot and humid all day, every day, and anywhere in the mountains, such as Cotacachi, at very high altitude, with more spring-like weather all year, are vast. Many places, such as Cuenca, which has a very large Expat population, have many of the things that Canadians are familiar with, such as malls and theatres. More remote areas don't have many of these common North American type venues.

In my case I made the decision to up and move to Ecuador, for many reasons I won't go into here. I had spent sixteen months living in Boquete, Panama, so I had some experience with the culture shock and knew that it wouldn't be a problem for me. After months of research I made the decision to move to Cotacachi in the mountains, mostly because I had spent fourteen wonderful years in BC and saw many similarities in Cotacachi. I am no fan of extreme hot or cold weather, so Cotacachi's climate seemed ideal.

After considerable research on the immigration requirements of Ecuador I traveled to the consulate in Toronto to start on preparing my documents. Unfortunately, before my four hour trip from London, I was given totally inaccurate information on what to bring. For example, I had brought colour copies of my various identification. What I didn't know was that any documents had to be notarized and then submitted to the official government documents office, a government agency I didn't even know existed. Off I went to the closest notary and then to the government office then back to the consulate, only to be told that they were closing at 1:00 in the afternoon. They told me I needed a bank statement showing I had sufficient funds, something they didn't qualify, so off I rushed to my closest bank branch and came back minutes before the consulate was closing. They told me they couldn't deal with me and that I would need to come back. No concern was shown for my four hour trip.

Given the frustration of dealing with the consulate I contacted the Embassy in Ottawa and I met Rolando, who turned out to be an incredibly helpful person. After I explained my disappointing experience with the consulate he informed me that he would, in fact, be moving to the consulate in the new year. He then asked me to send him my passport and the documents I had prepared and he said he would get me a six month Visa, which he did. He was most helpful in getting my Service Canada pension letters translated and many other things. When I left Canada I felt that I had everything I needed to apply for my Visa when I arrived in Ecuador.

Here's the first of many mistakes I made. With a six month Visa I was in no hurry to apply for residency, plus I had to wait to receive my GIS pension to pay to file. Second, I didn't know that you had to register your Visa right away. No one told me that nor was there a word on the government website about it. Lessons learned.

Although I did have the funds to apply for residency originally, I ended up in a private hospital for four days, which cost me an outrageous $1,200 so there went my residency fund. What happened with my GIS pension would fill a book. Save to say that the amount I was promised to receive by the end of Janaury didn't happen. After three months of calling Service Canada, getting nowhere, I contacted my MP in London, who then started going through what I had experienced, also getting nowhere. In total desperation I then emailed the Minister, somewhat dramatically saying that there would be a letter on my cold dead body blaming my government for my demise. To my considerable surprise I received a call from a supervisor at Service Canada two days later advising me that everything had been sorted out and I should receive the money in a couple of days.

Another important factor that I learned only after I arrived here was that there was a three month waitig period before you could apply for the national health care plan, and that was only after you received your cedula, a process which also takes about a month after you apply. Thanks to my pharmacist and OHIP I had managed to bring a six month supply of my very important diabetic medications with me, but with the delays in applying for my cedula I would run out long before I was in the plan. Given that my Visa was about to expire on May 29th I had contacted a facilitator in Quito to start the process when I hopefully got my GIS, but time was running out on me. He had registered my Visa, but was waiting for the $850 to start my application.

Prior to finally getting my GIS I had posted a desperate plea on Facebook for help. A person had advised me to contact an organization called VisaAngels in Cuenca. I could write yet another book on how wonderful they were in helping me, although what I had to go through was difficult, to say the least. Kathy, one of the angels, told me that recent change to immigration laws for Canadians would make it very difficult to file in Quito. Her experience was that it was much easier in Guayaquil. She wanted me to come to Cuenca where she was based and we would travel the three hours to Guayaquil to file my application there. Despite the fact that I thought my documents were perfect with the help of the Embassy, they weren't, so she had to arrange to do a number of additional translations.

I left Cotacachi on an early morning bus and I asked the driver if I would then catch a bus in Otavalo for Quito and then Cuenca and he said that was correct. When I arrived in Quito I asked where the bus was for Cuenca and was told several different places, all of which proved wrong and then finally I got the right booth. She informed me that the only bus to Cuenca left at 10:00 o'clock that night, twelve hours from now. Obviously panicked now I started wandering around looking for help. A man told me that I was at the wrong bus terminal for a bus to Cuenca and then found me a taxi to take me to the right terminal. I should have asked, but the next thing is that I have a thirty dollar taxi fare to the new terminal. I did find the right bus which was leaving in a hour, but it didn't get into Cuenca until 10:00 o'clock that night. Nine hours in that bus was no fun.

The next morning Kathy picked me up at the ungodly hour of five o'clock from my hostel and we headed off to Guayaquil, three hours away. Once the sun came up we realized what amazing country we were traveling through, high up in the mountains. Another couple, Richard and Carolyn from Winnipeg, were also with us to file for their residency. Other than the crazy traffic, the only comment I can make about Guayaquil is how unbelievably hot and humid it was. I can't believe that 2.6 million people make it their home.

We had some running around to do after we arrived, things I had no clue why we were doing, but we were in Kathy's capable hands so we didn't question anything. When we finally arrived at immigration I couldn't believe how huge the office was and how many people were waiting to be dealt with. When our number finally came up Richard and Carolyn went first. A few minutes later Richard comes back, hands me my file and photos and tells me that Kathy said that my Spanish was good enough to go it alone, so watch for my number to come up. Given how all this had gone so badly from the start I was trying not to shake. When my number was called I was met by a most grim looking man who I thought just wanted to deny me acceptance. I did notice that he was the only one of the clerks who was wearing a suit and tie so I told him he looked very professional. He seemed to warm a little, although he must have gone through my documents five times, reading every single word. My only goal was to not shake. Finally he sent me off to pay my thirty dollars and things appeared to be fine, which Kathy confirmed later, they were and I could stay in Ecuador. I still won't feel totally relaxed until I actually get my cedula, which I also just learned I need to go to Guayaquil again to get my photo taken and receive my cedula.

Only fitting that after Giovanny at my hostel made numerous phone calls about getting a more direct bus back and his mother had actually gone out to the bus terminal to buy my ticket, after I had confirmed that I had to switch buses in Otavalo to get the one for Cotacachi, I peered out the window and realized that we had not stopped in Otavalo. I asked a fellow passenger where we were going and he told me to Ibarra, so after all those hours on the bus I manage to find a way to spend even more hours getting back to Cotacachi. I was never more happy to finally be home and now I have thoughts that hopefully this will now be my home forever. Hopefully I will soon receive the email telling me I have been approved and then off I go again to Guayaquil. My cedula entitles me to a fifty percent discount on in country flights, so maybe I can fly back and avoid that long bus ride.


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