Happy Birthday To Me

Well, here I am making it to seventy-one years old.

Considering my life experiences and my health issues it’s a bit of a surprise that I made it this far. I’m becoming more aware of my own mortality given that my Dad made it to eighty-one and my mum made it to eighty-four. I don’t feel like I have a lot of time left and this virus situation sure isn’t making it any better. 

As I’ve done in posts before on my birthday I reflect on my life such as it is. Before writing this post I read some of my earlier birthday posts and it seems like I’m always in some turmoil and not very happy. In a way I wish I had been able to start this website earlier in life. Maybe I would have been able to have some happier thoughts. 

Getting old isn’t great but at least it’s a privilege denied to many so I need to be thankful. I hate that I am alone and I’m still suffering from losing my fiancée in Mexico because she was certainly my true love. If I reflect back to before the breakup it was a time I could not have been happier. I was so thrilled to being able to stay in Mexico, get married to a girl that I adored and live happily ever after.  That sure all fell apart and nearly killed me.

Living back in the transitional home I was in before is a giant step backwards. I think back to all the homes I’ve owned in my life and the many great places I’ve lived in Canada and various countries, some better than others, but all of them better than this place. I’ve been hoping that I will at least manage to get a place of my own but despite being on the emergency housing list it can take a very long time to get something. Even if I find a place of my own it will mean staying in Belleville, the last place I ever wanted to be. 

No shortage of health issues right now. I still haven’t managed to find a doctor and it looks like that might take at least a year. Not great when you are diabetic. The coating on my years old glasses started breaking up back in Mexico and has only gotten worse. Trying to work on my computer fourteen hours or more each day has become very difficult and my eyes are very sore and tired. I did recently go to an optometrist here and my new glasses will be about ten days so that’s progress.

My years old bridge did finally fall out and that has left me with no front teeth. Eating is a real challenge. My photo face mask is now doing double duty because I still had teeth in the photo that’s on the mask. I have been approved under the new Ontario Seniors Dental Plan for all the work I need, so that’s great. It will still be about two months before I get my dentures and have teeth again.

I was first diagnosed with diabetes back in 2004 and I’ve sure had some challenges with it over the years. I collapsed in Ecuador with low blood sugar. I collapsed in Progreso and was rushed to the hospital. When I was on my way back to Canada I collapsed in the airport in Cancun and was rushed to the airport doctor. Nearly missed my flight to Toronto. When I finally got back to Belleville I spent five days in the hospital because my blood sugar was out of control. My sugars have been okay recently and I’m using the new FreeStyle device so I don’t need to prick my finger all the time now. Much better.

My mental health is not so great. If you’ve been following my life you know that I came all too close to ending it all twice. Once when my fiancée dumped me, and once when everything fell apart on me in Mexico. After getting dumped so shockingly I wanted to just swim out in the lake far enough to not make it back. When I lost one of my pensions, was running out of my meds and the landlord from hell put my rent up two thousand pesos a month, something I could not possibly afford, I wanted to just take the sleeping pills and lay down in my bed. The move to Chelem then being forced to come back to Canada have proved to be even worse. 

So it is far from a happy birthday this year. I can only hope that I manage to hang on and that my next birthday will be much brighter.