Happy Birthday to me….NOT!

Birthdays are often a time for reflection, both on the life you’ve lived, your successes and your failures, and the things you have not yet done, like your bucket list. Today on my seventieth birthday, a day I never expected to make, my reflections on the past are only a very long list of failures, mistakes and regrets, and my only thoughts about a bucket list are about kicking it.

Today is certainly not a day to celebrate. I am totally alone in the world and realize now that no one cares whether I live or die. It’s nice that some friends sent me birthday wishes but it doesn’t make up for the mess of my life. When I first came to Mexico hoping to live out my life I was full of such hope. I fell in love with Ajijic the day I arrived. The apartment that I had rented thanks to Francis Dryden was better than expected. I had left a room in Belleville costing me $497 a month and now had a two bedroom apartment for about three hundred a month. Francis and his wife, Anastasia, took me out to all the bars and I met a host of wonderful people. Life was good. Then I met the love of my life, Elba, and it got even better. We were so in love, at least I thought so. We were going to find a place to live together and get married. Life had never been so good. I was deliriously happy.

Then it all came crashing down when we returned from Canada and I got dumped by text message. It broke me. I couldn’t stop crying and I saw no future. I just wanted to give up. Swim out in the lake far enough that I couldn’t make it back. It was the darkest time of my entire life. It was only through the kind words of my buddy, Don and Valeria, that I survived. Even that didn’t last because Valeria stopped talking to me and Don ended up marrying Elba. 

My plan when I came to Mexico and knowing that I would lose the GIS pension of five hundred dollars a month, or about a third of my income, was to make it up with revenue from my websites that I had been working on for two years, but I didn’t make a dime. Losing the GIS made it virtually impossible to survive. I was also about to run out of my critical diabetic meds, including my insulin. Then my idiot landlord upped my rent by forty percent and demanded that I pay it right away, all totally illegal. My apartment was flooding every night. There were numerous times I had no hot water for days. No electricity and no internet. It was all more than I could take. I knew that I had to give up on my dreams of life in Mexico but for the first time in my life I was lost on what to do.

Happy Birthday? Yeah, right. 


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